Jafaican

Jafaican, starring the utterly baffling choice of Peter Andre, isn't just a bad movie; it's a cinematic head-scratcher that leaves you wondering, Why? From its cringe-inducing premise to its painfully amateur execution, this film is a testament to how not to approach cultural storytelling.

The plot, if one can call it that, feels like a fever dream cobbled together from forgotten tourist brochures and a Wikipedia search of Jamaican stereotypes. The script is a jumbled mess of tired tropes and exposition dumps that fail to build any believable world or character motivations.

Visually, it is equally uninspired. What could have been an opportunity to showcase the vibrant beauty of Jamaica instead feels like a series of generic postcard shots, poorly lit and haphazardly edited.

Ultimately, the movie is a bewildering and tone-deaf exercise in filmmaking. It fails spectacularly on nearly every front, offering neither genuine entertainment nor insightful commentary. Avoid at all costs.

So it's obviously a low budget film - I wasn't expecting an Oscar worthy movie but this really was terrible. The script was so poor, no real plot, an abrupt ending that seemed like they just ran out of money! Great to see a couple of gems in it like Sizzla and Oliver Samuels but they were the only highlights. Peter Andre was terrible - couldn't even be bothered to go to a dialect coach so instead they just dubbed a Jamaican accent on him. When he did speak with an English accent he was trying to sound like a Southern Geeza but randomlly kept coming out with 'me gran' as though he was a Northerner - just bizarre. One minute calling his grandmother 'nan' the next 'gran' - make your mind up! Even the grandmother couldn't act! I think most the cast were probably promised a Guy Richie style brit film but what was delivered was even worse than an episode of Hollyoaks!

Apparently Peter was offered £450 to make this movie. It shows. Desperate times.

My friend wanted to see this as she likes the producer but even she was horrified at how bad it was. Peter Andre is such a bad actor and not in a comical kind of way, in a super cheesy washed up way. Not really sure what his talent is because he clearly can't sing or act.

It wasn't just Peter's bad acting though. The storyline and editing as a whole was like a child trying to make a movie. Very amateur and cheap.

Annoyed I wasted £5 to see this but hey it's only showing for a few weeks in 3 cinemas so that says it all really.

"Gazza" (Peter Andre) is in the boozer regaling his mates with a story that is so remarkable that his best mate "Johnzie" (Jamie Lomas) thinks it's going to blow their socks off. He was facing disaster with his beloved nan looking like she was about to be turfed out of her care home unless he can find £35,000! There is virtually no hope he can manage this until he discovers that he is the doppelgänger of an imprisoned Jamaican gangster who is about to inherit $3 millions. He comes up with a plan to learn the patois, don the dreads and head to the sunshine with his mentor "Winston" (Wil Johnson) to try and convince the local population that he is the true heir! Can he pull it off? Preposterous? Well, yes. It's clearly a labour of love for Andre and director Fredi Nwaka who did just about everything on this production, but the film just doesn't work. The script is weak and contrived and even though the supporting cast, especially the scene stealing "Uncle Godfrey" (Oliver Samuels) do inject some life into the film at times, the whole production is little better than amateur and misses way more than it hits. There's a lively soundtrack but that's about the height of it.

I watched the Q and A with the director and Andre after and they both seem nice guys who had genuinely good intentions with this film, the fact that no one told them or whilst being in Jamaica, a place and culture he loved, why he'd not notice how poorly he represented it. Speaks about being honoured to film in locations hidden from the public (£35 for a bus tour)

The film is porn style acting and even worse camera work, I like Jamie Lomas from hollyoaks but what was he thinking, trying to be some delinquent chav, the characters were awful, the dialogue was awful, it's like they edited in the wrong scenes, some things that are said might be an attempt at a joke, but they come across as confusing and imbecilic.

Andre can't act, the ending again was one of the dumbest in cinema history, the plot holes were outstanding, I mean anyone notice tattoos? But there are scenes when things happen ( and don't get me wrong I love stupid humour and spoof etc) where you just can't understand why they think it's working. I get you have a story but it has to atleast make a bit of sense.

I'm not Jamaican or someone who's ever offended as I hate snowflakes but this film is needless and bizarrely cast, if Andre was a comic genius then fine but if you're going full pelt to do everything but black face you should have a good cast.

It's a shame the director genuinely looked passionate about stuff but also said Andre smashed every scene, they couldn't even get a grandma who could act. This was so low budget, so blatantly provocative that it should never see the light of day. At best it's a £3 straight to DVD.