Oh, where to even begin with this dumpster fire of a "satirical second coming"? JEBUS is less a movie and more a fever-dream ego trip from some guy named Coley who apparently negotiated with God during a COVID hallucination and decided the world needed his messianic hot take on American politics. Spoiler: We didn't.
Let's start with the premise. Jesus-or "Jebus," because nothing says edgy comedy like misspelling the Son of God-comes back to mock our "political division." But instead of sharp wit, we get what feels like a stoner's scribbled napkin notes turned into a film. It's billed as a mix of Idiocracy, Pineapple Express, and Mel Brooks, but it lands somewhere between a bad SNL skit and that one uncle at Thanksgiving who thinks quoting Bible verses while ranting about "hypocrisy" makes him profound. The satire? Nonexistent. It's just Coley playing five roles (because why hire actors when you can hog the spotlight?), preaching about unity while dividing audiences into those who laugh politely and those who walk out offended.
Production-wise, it's amateur hour in Gulfport, Florida. Sure, 400 locals chipped in. Every race, religion, and political stripe, they claim, but that just means it's a mishmash of uneven acting, shaky camerawork, and a soundtrack Coley slapped together as his "15th album." Community-owned? More like a co-op of chaos where the blind lead the tone-deaf. And the backstory? Coley nearly dies, gets a "shamanic download" (or fever dream, take your pick), moves to a cheap condo, and boom-movie magic. Except it's not magic; it's narcissistic navel-gazing disguised as divine inspiration.
Don't get me started on the blasphemy. This isn't satirizing "religious radicals"; it's a smug takedown of faith itself, wrapped in "love over hate" platitudes. Coley insists it's about American values like "free thinking and patriotism," but it comes off as another white dude with a savior complex (as one quote aptly puts it) peddling juvenile ignorance. Offensive? Absolutely. Funny? Only if you are the main actor.
Then there's the watching experience. Pay $3 per person on an honor system? Or $33 for a video call with "Jebus" himself? $333 to hang out and "get high" with Coley? It's like a GoFundMe scam crossed with a cult recruitment video. It's a good call no real production company would touch this; there's no way any sane person would touch this.
In the end, JEBUS isn't "revelutionary"-it's perfectly terrible, but not in the fun way. It's a waste of 90 minutes (assuming you last that long). If this is what happens when God answers prayers, maybe it's time to stop asking. Hard pass unless you're into self-indulgent blasphemy masquerading as comedy.
