Raiders of the Lost Shark

I like trash movies. I like shark movies. So, being really spoiled by Asylum, I thought: Aww, come on, for just 5.99€, this can't be bad. Or... Can it? Well... Yes, it can. This is an amateur movie released on DVD. And it's so incredibly DUMB on so many Levels... There's minor things (Why is he leaving his socks on as he wants to join the hottie in the water?) to really, really, REALLY stupid stuff (Whats a scientist doing all alone in the middle of the woods?) and some stuff which will make you just shake your head (no blood in a decapitation scene, but when there's a flesh explosion they just take a bucket of badly done fake blood and throw it into the actors face)... The acting isn't present, I haven't watched it in English, but the German dub, so I can't say anything about the original voices, but the facial expressions are just... Ugh! German sincere is on the Level of "let a bunch of drunk people yell into an iPhone". Not even the music is any good. Uhm, have I mentioned the Shark is just a still picture? It's a PICTURE in front of a moving background. Yes, the thing can fly. For whatever reasons.

Don't buy this. Don't rent this. Don't even STEAL this, it's not even worth that. The only good thing about this movie is: It's only 60-some minutes, and at least the end credits song isn't THAT bad. Still bad, but it's the only light at the end of the tunnel.

So I'm having a 47 bad shark movie marathon and 11 movies in this one pops up, so I turn it on and got an instant feel of dread.

I've seen a few wild eye releasing films and to say they make the worst films is the biggest understatement of the century.

The whole hour and 10 minutes I was contemplating jumping off the roof of the Burj Khalifa, if I wasn't 11 movies in I'd give up on this marathon.

So what is the "movie" about? Unlike the name this product of hell has nothing to do with Indiana Jones but it's about a megalodon that kills people on the most shallow parts of the beach and sometimes it can fly, that's about it, if I would go into the plot I'd have to make stuff up because this thing doesn't have one.

The acting is worse than what you'd expect from a crime like this the effects are worse than birdemic and as I said there's no plot.

I swear I genuinely hope that wild eye releasing goes bankrupt.

So, y'all wanna see a genetically engineered, radioactive, flying prehistoric shark? Yikes. What's wrong with you?

Raiders of the Lost Shark kicks off with a terrible joke (that the German dub completely butchered, because, of course, they didn't get it).

And from there, it's all downhill.

They seriously expect us to believe a megalodon lives in a lake. A hip-deep, pathetic little puddle. And to "prove" it, they keep cutting to stock footage of a regular shark in the open ocean. Shoutout to The Asylum for the "inspiration."

For me, there' s a close race: Which is worse? The cringe-worthy amateur acting vs. The hilariously bad German porn-tier voice dub. Who wins? Nobody.

Another trash masterpiece is the "costume design." The guards' and cops' uniforms? Just cheap, one-size-fits-all shirts with iron-on patches. Done. The rest of the two-legged shark chow mostly wears bikinis. And the "varied" sets? Tiny rooms, empty offices, and about 30 feet of "shoreline."

The amature CGI and "practical effects" with Halloween store rubber limbs tie this mess of a movie together. When the shark attacks or routinely flies over land, it's always so blurry you can't even see the pixelated mess. Probably for the best.

This steaming pile of shark crap is only 70 minutes long, and that's more than enough.

BTW: Nothing on the poster is actually in the movie.

Being a lover of bad movies I wasted an hour or so of my life watching this garbage. It's so bad I had to warn other users to save themselves. I can't act either but the bunch of morons in this 'movie' are unbelievably terrible. I'd like to ask them one question.. 'Why?' ..... Did they set out to deliberately make a crap movie ? I honestly could make a better movie with my mates and my phone. Truly awful garbage, it makes Asylums movies look like multi million dollar blockbusters. Ghost Shark and Sharknado are positively genius compared to this 'movie', at least they have people, sometimes even 'stars' who can act a little, yes the scripts are bad but Asylum know it, I'd rather sit through Bermuda Tentacles again (and it was shocking) than have to watch these idiots . You have been warned.

First of all, the posters and description are highly deceptive - it is a very low budget movie ($320,000) and they could not afford any helicopters, airplanes or even water surfing. So none of the shots in the poster are there in the movie. All the special effects are created on someone's desktop computer (or possibly public library). The 'underwater' camera shots are taken in only a few feet deep water. Deep water 'shark' video clips have been taken from nature documentaries. Most people become 'victims' of shark when they are standing in shallow water or swimming a few yards from shore or a small boat (the only 'vehicle' or 'equipment' used in the movie). There are flabby, really bad actors in their swim suits. The previous credits of "director" include being a "camera-operator" in one production of the same company (which bears his name).

You will have more fun in a high-school production. This is probably the worse movie I have ever seen.