McWoop

Oh boy, where oh where to begin? First off... the she-assassin in the opening sequence... she was awesome, then she died. She took her terrible secret to the grave. I think she's the only one that knew why anyone would want to be in such a horrible, horrible movie, and now she's dead. Secondly, Christmas Jones. Denise Richards is beautiful, she was great in Drop Dead Gorgeous, but in TWINE, she proves that you do need to actually act to be a Bond girl, a decent one that you don't yell at in the middle of the auditorium wishing she would get blown up... You can't just show up on the set, say "I'm a Bond Girl! Do my make up and now tell me how far you want me to bend over in my tubetop and short-shorts!!! Oh yeah, do I have any lines today?" A good Bond girl is, well... not Christmas Jones. I don't know if it was the character of Christmas or the acting of Denise which sucked. I doubt it's only her dialogue that blows. Third, the dialogue/witty puns/stupid, stupid jokes. There were too many to get into... I thought the innuendos in Bond movies were supposed to be intelligent, obscure... not blatantly obvious and focused on like a US spy satelite focuses on Mararet Thatcher naked on a cold day. They were too obvious, is what I am trying to say... just look at the memorable quotes for this movie and you'll get a sense of what I am talking about... FOURTH... A WASTE OF ANOTHER FABULOUS VILLAIN AND ACTOR... Robert Carlyle plays Renard, and as the trailer gets us all excited about... he's got a bullet lodged in the part of the brain which, as we learned from The Waterboy, is responsible for our aggressive behavior, and at the same time, Renard can't feel anything. Now, after watching the trailer, one would expect to see an incredible fight between Bond and Renard, with Bond repeatedly like, stabbing, shooting, punching, crotch-kicking, something... but, we get nothing. Renard gets some glass stuck in his hand and doesn't realize it...wow. NEAT. I could drink a bunch of vodka and do the same damn thing. This aspect was one of the most disappointing, almost embarrasing... I have never been so upset. Now, the only saving grace in the movie, beside John Cleese and the farewell to Q, is Sophie Marceau... she's attractive... Yay. There's at least fifty or so attractive women in the world. AT LEAST. Why her? Oh, she's French. At least she's not Canadian. Don't see this one. Rent Goldeneye, or, my personal favorite, Octopussy.

And it is a FILM. It is no ordinary movie. As a fan of Boogie Nights, I couldn't wait for Magnolia. Although its running time has made at least 20 people leave the auditorium, I have stayed for every single second. The mood and stories and characters keep building and building and building, and when it finally comes down, I feel this immense sense of relief and wonder at how PT Anderson was able to come up with something so clever and intertwining and wonderous, and was able to pull it off. This "movie" is not for everyone. It is thinking-hat required. I have also never been so excited to look up Bible verses before. The cast, as you have probably read, is superb. I have never been so impressed. This film has "restored my faith in the filmmaking industry. To see these actors, crew, and the writer/director/genius at work is inspiring." These people obviously love their craft, and one of my friends even said that the cast was "touched by the hands of God..." to which I whole-heartedly agree. He also has said, ""This film not only teaches film makers how to make films, but it teaches movie watchers how to watch movies!" to which I again whole-heartedly agree a thousand times over. Phillip Seymour Hoffman is absolutely outstanding as the only character who is "normal." His performance has made me smile and shake my fist in the air the three times I've seen Magnolia since it opened. Tom Cruise is also spectacular. As with every single last character, every line he utters is important to his character and what it means for the rest of the stories. Another outstanding performance/character is the part of police officer Jim Kurring, played by John C. Reilly. His character is just so perfect and JUST SOOOOO PERFECT that it makes me smile every time he is on screen. Add to all of this one incredible soundtrack, and you have something that will go down in film history as legend and probably one of the most underappreciated, misunderstood, and definitely underseen films of all time.

The soundtrack, oh, the soundtrack. When listening to the songs, I can picture each exact moment as if I was watching the movie all over again, and it brings unexplainable feeling. Aimee Mann's songs, especially, are a perfect fit to a perfect story and mood. This film is not for everyone, but, if you want to see glorious filmmaking, acting, writing, and characters in action, I HIGHLY suggest you see Magnolia.

Being somewhat unknowledgeable of Kaufman's hijinks, I was surprised through most of the movie at what he pulled. Jim Carrey is absolutely brilliant, and he fits everything together so incredibly well. This was one of the best movies of the year, and I will be devastated if Jim Carrey does not get nominated for best actor. Danny DeVito is also incredible, as is the rest of the cast. I left the theater feeling an immense respect for Kaufman, Carrey, and the joy of laughter.