mcniscool

In 2004, Martin Scorsese directed his 20th film "The Aviator", starring Leonardo DeCaprio. This same year, Robert Vince directed his 5th film, "Most Xtreme Primate". These two films were same year, and both came from legendary directors. There was only one difference, one got a lot more recognition, and the other was objectively better. Now it should be obvious to you, the person reading this review, that the superior movie between the two is without a doubt "Most Xtreme Primate". For Scorsese fans, this may come as a shock, and you may disagree with me on this. But please allow be to explain exactly why that this movie is better than Scorsese's flick. FIrstly, casting. The simian playing Jack in this film is superb at acting, and truly makes the audience think he is a chimpanzee snowboarder. On the other hand, Leo DeCaprio plays Leo DeCaprio, and all the audience can see is Leo DeCaprio in a funny pilot costume, instead of Howard Hughes, whom he is supposed to portray. Secondly, the plot. The film "The Aviator" follows Scorsese's predictable plot of a tragic hero, and details the downfall of Howard Hughes, and the events that led to his eventual breakdown. Anybody who has seen any Scorsese film would be able to predict this from the first 5 minutes, and it gives the viewer an obvious result. On the contrary, "MXP" manages to defy the trope that many film makers are forced into, by choosing to defy the current norms of cinema and do what many films are afraid to; give the protagonist a happy ending. Jack is neither a good or bad chimp, and in a Scorsese film, he likely would end by tearing someone's face off or something along those lines. But Robert Vince is not scared to provide the simian with a pleasent ending, and is with this, makes the film much more unpredictable and gives the viewer a much greater feeling of suspense. And finally, this film has one thing that "The Aviator" could never have. This film contains a chimpanzee on a snowboard. Nothing Scorsese could ever make can beat this film, and that is an objective truth.

I am a professional chimp wrangler, and I know as a fact that the character in this film is not a real chimpanzee. It looks nothing like a real chimp either. This CGI abomination proves that in modern society, we value fancy gadgets and computers over good old fashioned chimp labor. The directors of this film could have taken this in a great direction, this film could have had amazing potential. There have been a stream of great chimp-based spy films and television shows, including "Lancelot Link", "Spymate", and others. But this film, unfortunately, appears to have taken more after the film "Funky Monkey", which is the worst film I have ever watched. Now this film does not bring out the murderous rage that "Funky Monkey" did, but the CGI chimp coupled with the extremely mediocre, pro-interventionist plot make this film extremely dissapointing. I just hope this will not set a precedent, and directors will continue to utilize the boundless acting skills of real chimpanzees. This film could have been so much more. Bring back the chimps.

If you look at my profile, you will know that I am a HUGE fan of chimpanzee movies. I was literally raised on Lancelot Link, and I have been a massive fan of beloved classics like "Ed" and "Bedtime for Bonzo", so much so that I even pursued a career working with chimps. This is why that when I heard about this film, I was so excited for its release. However, upon seeing it, I was not only disappointed but disgusted. I will not exaggerate one bit when I say that I truly despise this film. I actually pity the poor producer of this film for having to see this showcased. This film is so horrifically terrible that it has led to my hospitalization three times, once for a brain aneurysm, and twice for attempting to jump off of a bridge over the highway, leading to my current routine of court-mandated weekly therapy sessions. When I first saw this film, I was filled with nothing but pure rage, pure malice, pure hatred, so much so that I began unconsciously punching the brick wall in the alley behind the theatre until my hand bled and I had a hairline fracture in my wrist from the stress of my fist hitting the wall at full force repeatedly. If I was put in a room with a firearm and two bullets, and I was with Josef Stalin and the director of this film, I would shoot Stalin twice, simply so I could beat the director to death with my bare fists. This film is revolting to me. It truly disgusts me. It makes me want to vomit out my entrails all over the floor, just to end the suffering of viewing this film. I rewatched "Full Metal Jacket" the other day, one of my all-time favorite movies. But as soon as I saw the beginning scene, I could see nothing besides Mathew Modine and was reminded of his participation in "Funky Monkey", which caused me to repeatedly bash my head against the wall until restrained by my friends. This film is a skid mark on the formerly flawless slab that was chimpanzee films. I hate it. I hate it with a burning passion. Even writing this review has resulted in such feelings of malice that I have shattered my coffee mug in my hand. The main character of the movie isn't even a monkey. It's called "Funky Monkey". The main character is a chimp. IT MAKES NO SENSE. Why was this infernal film ever created? What unholy entity created the idea of this film, because I know a human is incapable of such evil, and I hope with all of my soul that our God is not so malicious as to create this film out of spite for humanity. This film is the embodiment of true suffering, of true pain, of true horror. The anger that this film has created for me has no words, and cannot be expressed through words. The only way of describing my feelings towards this film is pure and utter hatred. I truly hate this movie, in every sense of the word.