- [repeated line]
- Norman Phiffier: I believe a man has gotta be king in his own ranch-type-style tract house.
- Mr. Quimby: How do you suppose I got to be the general manager of this great store? How?
- Norman Phiffier: How? How?
- Mr. Quimby: I'll tell you! I'll tell you!
- Norman Phiffier: Go ahead! Go ahead!
- Mr. Quimby: I will! I will!
- Roberts: Mr. Phiffier has worked as a delivery boy at Macy's, theater usher at the New York Paramount, caddy at the Lodgemont Country Club, a TV repairman in the Bronx, and Mr. Phiffier also attempted to become a mailman but failed the test.
- Mrs. Phoebe Tuttle: How can anyone fail becoming a mailman?
- Roberts: Sloping shoulders. The bag kept slipping off.
- Mr. Quimby: So, you agree to start your great climb to success, your climb to the very top?
- Norman Phiffier: I'm ready to climb!
- Mr. Quimby: By starting at the very bottom?
- Norman Phiffier: Right down below the depths of the bottom, deep, lowest place where I am, I'll start.
- Barbara Tuttle: I finally found someone who loves me for me, not that I'm the Tuttle heiress, but me, the elevator girl.
- TV Announcer: And now some scenes from next week's show, The Case of the Missing Kidney.
- Mr. Quimby: Quimby here.
- Mrs. Phoebe Tuttle: You're out of breath, Quimby.
- Mr. Quimby: Yes, I, ah
- [clears throat]
- Mr. Quimby: working late, long day.
- Mrs. Phoebe Tuttle: Don't put me on, Quimby. You've had at least three scotches and you're winded from chasing your pretty secretary. But don't worry, Quimby, I'll ok her next raise.
- Mr. Quimby: I've always considered you, not only my boss, but a dandy friend, Mrs. Tuttle.
- [at the golf practice machine]
- Norman Phiffier: Here's your driver, Mr. President.
- Mr. John P. Tuttle: Thank you, Jackie.
- Norman Phiffier: You... oh, that was good.
- Norman Phiffier: Something you women would like? Ah, that is, um, could I show you something in shoes?
- Lady wrestler: My feet, I hope.
- Norman Phiffier: [Fake laughs] Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, that is good. Yes, the size and style?
- Lady wrestler: Black Spring-O-Lators, size three.
- Norman Phiffier: The...
- [pause]
- Norman Phiffier: size... three?
- Lady wrestler: Three!
- Norman Phiffier: SIZE three?
- Lady wrestler: Something the matter with your hearing aid?
- Norman Phiffier: Well, no, I could turn it up.
- Mr. Quimby: Forgive me for saying this, but this boy has character, and I know what character is! I remember when I had it!
- Mr. Quimby: That baboon of a boy has just about wrecked the good name of Tuttle.
- Mrs. Phoebe Tuttle: I thought you said he had character.
- Mr. Quimby: But there's no place in business for a man of character. His sincerity could ruin the world!
- Mrs. Phoebe Tuttle: Naturally, that's why we, the insincere, must be in charge.
- Mr. Quimby: And you, too, will do good work, but first you must get the FEEL of this great store.
- Norman Phiffier: Oh, I'll have no trouble with that. I have very sensitive fingertips.
- [Trying to slip a small, open-toe shoe onto a large foot, Norman searches for a leading toe]
- Norman Phiffier: If I could just grab one of these, maybe the others'll follow.
- Lady wrestler: Are you making improper advances to me?
- Norman Phiffier: My back is to ya, lady. My back is to ya.
- Mr. Quimby: By some chance, Mr. Phiffier, could you be stealing a TV set?
- Norman Phiffier: Me, stealing, Mr. Quimby? Oh, I'd never steal anything.
- Mr. Quimby: If I recollect correctly, Mr. Phiffier, you're supposed to be working in the mattress department today.
- Norman Phiffier: Oh, yeah, I AM working in the mattress department today.
- Mr. Quimby: Then what are you doing here?
- Norman Phiffier: Oh, well, I was just really trying to, uh, satisfy a charge customer, you see, sir. Uh, buh, a lady that wanted to see, on a mattress there, just, uh, just how good the TV set was, so I borrowed two ladders, and I put a surfboard on top of two ladders that I borrowed from the Hawaiian hooky hula department. I just wanted to satisfy a charge customer so I could be the greatest salesman just like you - you, who are my idol, Mr. Quimby. If I ever turn out to be as good as you, I shall really live and breathe the air of kings. Oh, if I could ever be like you, oh boy, there'd never be Death of a Salesman with me. I'd live on, if I ever... Mmm.
- Hazel, a Dowager: My carpets are three inches thick, and...
- Norman Phiffier: Three inches thick! Huh. You better not ever invite Mickey Rooney over. You'll never be able to find him.
- Norman Phiffier: You mean to tell me she bosses you?
- Mr. John P. Tuttle: She's got the money, son. Whoever has the money is always in charge.