The Astounding She-Monster

An absurd introductory narrative precedes THE ASTOUNDING SHE-MONSTER! Then, another narrator takes over, telling us what we're witnessing on screen. The abduction of a socialite, made so much better by voice-over rather than any real dialogue.

The scene shifts to the wilderness, where geologist, Dick Cutler (Robert Clarke) walks his dog, unaware that nearby, a ship has landed. From this craft comes the shimmering alien of the title. Not only does she shimmer, but she seems to warp, as though made of some ethereal liquid. Either that, or she's imbibed too much space juice. Who really knows for sure? She saunters... no, sachets along, like an alien in need of a restroom. Still shimmering.

Meanwhile, the kidnappers and their hostage arrive, all of this happening close to Cutler's remote cabin. Soon, all will meet together. What are the odds of such a confluence of various characters and events occurring? Perhaps the she-monster knows.

Uh oh!

The sachet-ing she-monster has the space voodoo, touch of death! She wanders... no, meanders through the forest, using her hands of deadliness! Who will survive this awfulness?

Fans of all that is movie muck, rejoice! This is your day of deliverance!

EXTRA CREDIT FOR: #1- The tough-talking crooks and their drunken moll. #2- The game of "in-and-out-of-the-cabin", where everyone leaves and re-enters several times, even after it appears they've escaped the horror!

This is highly entertaining flotsam...

This is the type of movie that if you were watching it when it first came out in 1957, you probably would have had the pants scared off you.

Looking at it today, this is a movie that you can sit and watch with a bunch of friends and laugh. It's so ludicrous!!

The 'special effects' surrounding our monster heroine are so bad and very erratic. Sometimes you see them and sometimes you don't.

It's supposed to be night time, so how come when they are driving the jeep to try to escape, there is sunlight on the surrounding hills and sometimes our friends are driving right through the sunlight.

My favorite character in this movie is the head thug, Nat Burdell. He's so 'tough', he's almost lovable. Looking at the list of movies that he has participated in since the early 1940's, he seems to be an accomplished actor. Things really must have been very bad in his personal life to wind up in a film like this. Who said that good acting was a requirement for this film???

But all in all, if you're looking for some light-hearted movie to enjoy (don't expect anything great), either by yourself or with some friends, and you're just passing the time, RENT THIS MOVIE!!!!! YOU WON"T BE DISAPPOINTED!!!!!

Others have commented upon the similarities between this and an Ed Wood film. I submit to you that these are more than mere similarities...

First of all, the box copy on the DVD from Image states: "Producer-Director Ronnie Ashcroft's first feature film venture guided by his friend and mentor Edward D. Wood Jr., whose "uncredited" help gives this film that unmistakable "scent" of Wood." Quote by Wade Williams. The box also states: "Consultant: Edward D. Wood Jr. (uncredited)."

Just what exactly are we trying to say here, Mr. Williams? Just come out with it! Could it have anything to do with the fact that Ed Wood stock player Kenne Duncan appears here? How about the film's writer, the alleged Frank Hall? He has no other credits at all on the IMDb. Could that be one Edward Wood under a pseudonym? Ed almost always put his own name on films he either directed or wrote, but he was known to use pseudonyms on many of the paperback novels he wrote in the 1960's and 70's.

I have not checked Ed's biography for any possible information on this film, but could it be that this film was actually written by the Anti-Master himself? And what does Wade Williams have to say on this theory? Clearly, the matter needs further investigation.

Anyway, this is a hilariously bad film. If Ed didn't write this film, it's right in his wheelhouse. Ridiculous dialog and lots of scenes with no dialog at all since they were shot with no sound. Lots of scenes that drag on (did I say drag? In a discussion about Ed Wood? That was a bad pun, I guess) and on and go nowhere. In other words: prime Badfilm.

Ed Wood fans, be aware. You may want to give this one a spin in the old machine. Normal people will not enjoy it though. If you are normal, stay away.

WARNING: "The Astounding She-Monster" is a movie for people with highly specialized tastes. It tells the story of a trio of kidnappers, their socialite victim, the geologist whose house they invade, AND a blond, radium-emitting alien in tight spandex who crash-lands her spacecraft near that same house. Potential viewers of this film must possess the following traits: They must love movies that are made on the supercheap, and that contain no outdoor synch dialogue; movies in which egregious day-for-night photography is used, worse than anything in "Plan 9," and in which non sequitur music that bears little relation to the story is standard. These viewers should also be OK with inept direction; the insertion of long, meaningless shots; offscreen narration that sounds as if it's being read by a hypnotized dodo; Grade Z acting by a six-person cast (well, maybe Robert Clarke gives a Grade D performance); and "special" effects that look as though they were filmed through a Vaseline-smeared camera lens. It also wouldn't hurt if potential viewers didn't mind scratchy-looking prints on their DVD, with abysmal sound that keeps dropping out, and with hardly an "extra" to be found. If the above seems to match your highly specialized tastes, then "The Astounding She-Monster" might be just the flick for you. Only don't say I didn't warn you!

In my opinion, the "bad" movie lover has to show some discernment. Not all bad sci fi and horror movies are all that much fun to watch. For every campy gem like 'Plan Nine From Outer Space' or 'Teenagers From Outer Space' there are dozens of truly awful low (and no) budget films that are a chore to sit through. 'The Astounding She-Monster' is somewhere in between good bad and bad bad. Director Ronald Ashcroft was actually a colleague of Ed Wood and was assistant director on 'Night Of The Ghouls', but he is neither as inept nor as unintentionally hilarious as his mentor. The very slim plot concerns a good guy geologist (Robert Clarke) who finds his remote cabin invaded by some hoods who have kidnapped a rich society dame, and are planning on holding her to ransom. Pretty soon all are at the mercy of the shimmering she-monster, a glowing visitor from outer space who can kill with one touch. The monster is played by one Shirley Kilpatrick who many cult movie fans insist is actually Shirley Stoler of 'The Honeymoon Killers' fame. If this is true it is a wonderful bit of trivia, but even so the monster is an unforgettable bit of no-budget invention. Kilpatrick basically walks around in a glittery jump suit and is shown out of focus. The movie goes for just over an hour but that is long enough. More than that it would out stay its welcome. Fans of goofy 1950s SF will probably enjoy this one more than disinterested viewers. I have seen better, but I have also seen MUCH worse. I would file 'The Astounding She-Monster' under "reasonably amusing low budget sci fi schlock", and give it a half-hearted recommendation.