The Thing with Two Heads

I've seen movies far worse than this offering about a white bigot's head transplanted to a soul brother's body. Yes, indeed the story is ridiculous. Yes, every scene with the "creature" either looks like Rosey Grier with a plastic head on him or Ray Milland uncomfortably close for close-ups. But the film has a certain charm that is undeniable, due in large part to its dated 70's style, its corny almost pathetic dialogue, its incredibly cheap sets and special effects, and of course the entire premise about this two headed monstrosity. Milland and Grier manage to keep straight faces throughout the picture, as do the other thespians concerned. No small feat believe me! The chase scene of 14 police cars chasing the two headed man on a motor bike(which last over 15 minutes) is the centerpiece of the film and sets the mood, pace, and credibility of the film. If you get a chance, see this film and its trailer which is almost as good.

Every time this film shows up on cable, I just watch it in wonder. If they thought they were making a parody, they didn't succeed; and they couldn't have been serious, could they?

Weak script, bad effects, boring chase scenes. Couldn't be worse...

Yet, shockingly, I watch it every time in total amazement. I sometimes do an exercise by putting myself in Ray Milland's place in an attempt to practice empathy.

It is the best worst movie I ever saw. I love it every time. Help me, please help me.

Rosey Grier and Ray Milland are the most dynamic pairing in cinematic history. I used to think it couldn't get much better than Hepburn and Tracy but I was wrong. When I was enrolled in an anger management class, one of our exercises was to watch this film and then team up in groups of four to reflect on it and make macaroni drawings. I painted my macaroni red and glued it into a heart with "Love Thy Neighbor" etched underneath it in black crayon. My parole officer was so proud. Racism never pays and neither does beating your ex-wife over the head with a steel pipe. My favorite scene is the helicopter chase. It is in no way hokey or prolonged. TWO HEADS is the second greatest movie of the 1970s (I would say "the" greatest, but that title belongs to MITCHELL.)

The head of a white bigoted doctor (sadly Ray Milland) is attached to the body of a wrongly convicted black man (Rosey Grier) on Death Row. Unfortunately, Grier's head is still attached. It escapes from a hospital and tries to clear Grier's name while Milland's head tries to take control of the body.

Totally ridiculous AIP movie which bears a more than passing resemblance to 1971's "Incredible Two-Headed Transplant". This movie doesn't take itself too seriously (how could it?) which helps--but only so much.

With the exception of Milland the acting is lousy and the script has howlers that you just can't believe (ex: when Grier's girlfriend first sees him with Milland's head she says, "Honey, I know you don't like answering questions, but HOW did this happen?"). Basically this is a very bad movie but in a good way. The scenes of Milland and Grier arguing are truly funny and there's a very long (at least 20 minutes) but fun chase with tons of police cars chasing Grier/Milland on a motorcycle. Not even remotely good but fun.

Another great line from Grier's girlfriend: "Do you have two of anything else?"

In THE THING WITH TWO HEADS, Ray Milland (X: THE MAN WITH THE X-RAY EYES, FROGS) is Maxwell Kirshner, the irascible, bigoted head of the Kirshner Transplant Foundation. Arthritis has destroyed Kirshner's body, and he's contracted terminal cancer, so he comes up with a brilliant, novel plan to escape his ancient, dying frame. Indeed, he decides to transplant his dome onto a physically healthier body. His animal trials have already gone quite well.

WARNING: Contains The Hideous, Two-Headed Go-rilla Running Amok Sequence!

The question becomes, who would volunteer for such a procedure? Well, thanks to the penal system, a death-row convict is quickly supplied. Enter Jack Moss (Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier). Of course, Kirshner knows nothing about the body he is about to be grafted to. The surgery is performed.

WARNING: Contains The Nearly Lifelike, Rubber Kirshner And Moss Heads!

Let the hilarity begin! A perfectly preposterous film that could only have been made in the 1970's, it does have something to say about racism. It's schlock content is astronomical, and if it weren't for Milland and Grier, all would surely have been lost. They are magic together, in an Archie Bunker sewn onto George Jefferson sort of way.

Ultimately, the movie devolves into a typical series of chase scenes. Well, typical for a two-headed man movie! Watch for the dirt bike rally! Also, for added fun, try to count the number of police cruisers that are destroyed!

A credit to its sub-genre...