Linda Lovelace for President

At a political convention staged in an open field, during which we're treated to such zaniness as Polish jokes and pie fights, "Deep Throat" star Linda Lovelace is chosen, unbeknownst to her, as candidate for President of the United States. Following this too-long-at-15-minutes intro, we see Linda address a crowd of admirers. "Thanks for coming," she tells the crowd, then, following embarrassed giggles, "I guess I'm really blowing it." More laughter. And these are the good jokes.

Not that anyone would've expected any better from this sloppy farce that plays like a dirty-minded Three Stooges movie--only not that good. While everyone else in the movie overacts shamelessly (apparently cast members were directed to simply run around like idiots, shouting nonsense--in a "kooky" accent if possible--while the cameras rolled and everyone hoped for the best), Lovelace manages to walk through her movie with relative dignity. And walk through she does, wearing the type of pained smile one sees on wives enduring a visit from their mother-in-law, stopping occasionally to lose her dress, showing off her silicone-injected breasts and indulging in some simulated humping. Lovelace claimed, years later, that she was coerced into making "Deep Throat," yet she seemed so much more at ease and natural in that movie. It's "Linda Lovelace for President" that she seems to be making under duress. Along for a paycheck (and not a very big one) are Scatman Crothers and ex-Monkey Micky Dolenz in small roles. This rare pop culture oddity is worth a look if you can find a copy, though its entertainment value is solely derived from its unabashed awfulness and seeing the late Linda Lovelace make a pitiful attempt at launching a "legitimate" film career.

What a dumb movie! There are lots of character actors you'll recognize in it. Watch for the dirty old man and see if you recognize him. One even changed his name so he wouldn't be associated with it. Lots of worn out puns over and over and over. It might be funny in states where pot is legal. But like I said, there are only two good reasons to watch this movie.

Infamous porn star Linda Lovelace is best known for her amazing control of her gag reflex, not for performing gags, and so fans will be relieved to hear that any woeful attempts at comedy by the Deep Throat legend are more than offset by frequent full frontal nudity from the lovely lady and her enthusiastic participation in soft core sex. Still, Linda's crap comedic skills are no worse than anyone else's in this horribly dated madcap political satire: it's an all-round embarrassment of massive proportions.

Linda Lovelace plays herself, once again catapulted into the limelight when she is nominated as a presidential candidate by an eclectic group of oddball characters. What follows is a dreadfully unfunny, often perplexing series of zany scenes that were surely fuelled by copious amounts of mind-altering substances. Certainly, in order to enjoy this abysmal relic of the mid-70s, one would need to be seriously baked. The chaotic opening scene, in which a committee discusses various candidates before settling on Linda, must rate as one of the biggest tests of a viewer's patience in movie history, seemingly shot without the aid of a script or the need for a director.

With the introduction of an assassin, hired to get rid of Linda when she leads the polls, the film descends into sub-roadrunner cartoon slapstick, each gag more painful than the last. The title of worst performance must go to ex-Monkee Micky Dolenz, whose career almost audibly hits rock bottom (Metal Mickey is a work of genius by comparison), although the competition is hot. Best performance is from a talking chimp (oh, how I wish I was joking).

Linda Lovelace for President (1975)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

The title pretty much tells you everything you need to know plot wise. The country is falling apart so a group of people decide only Linda Lovelace can save us so they contact her and begin a Presidential run.

After the success of DEEP THROAT, star Lovelace became a household name and people were looking for any way to try and cash in. LINDA LOVELACE FOR PRESIDENT was an attempt to try and push Lovelace into a R-rated picture with a wider appeal but obviously that didn't happen and the actress began her slow fall from grace. As awful as this film is, I must admit that I give the producers a lot of credit because I'd give everyone involved with this production an A+ for effort.

With that said, effort isn't enough when it comes to entertainment. I think the best way to sum up this film is by thinking of the final mad-cap sequence in BLAZING SADDLES. That's basically the type of over-the-top humor that is on display here but the only problem is that there's no one as talented as Mel Brooks or Gene Wilder to make this film work. There's a lot of sexual innuendo, a lot of female nudity and a lot of politically incorrect humor. The film tries pumping out one joke after another but the problem is that none of it is funny.

I will give Lovelace some credit though as she certainly manages to hold your attention throughout all the camp. She's certainly easy on the eyes but she also brings across a certain charm and a beautiful smile that really lights up the screen even without any hardcore sex. She certainly gives it her all and is the highlight of the picture.

The plot has adult film star Linda Lovelace running for President as the only person the leaders of a political party could agree on. She goes on the campaign trail in a film that is full of political and social commentary humor, not to mention jokes of the lowest denominator.

The film-making is poor. its the sort of scatter shot "lets make a movie" with grade C stars and comedians running about in jokes that are best described a vaudeville or burlesques last gasp. Its the sort of film that is similar to Groove Tube, Loose Shoes, American Raspberry or Kentucky Fried Movie, except as a political campaign. The problem is the material, that which isn't old to begin with, isn't very good. To be certain some of the material is funny in a one off sort of way but mostly is just stupid. The sad thing is that Lovelace actually comes off a pretty good screen actress. certainly she's more real than many of todays adult film stars who try to cross over into mainstream films. Its a shame she never had the chance to do something more than be infamous.

Supposedly this exists in 3 different cuts PG,R and X. The version I saw had the X rating attached to the end, though most of the offensive material was some language, soft core sex and nudity and I seriously doubt it would get an X or NC-17 today. Nothing is exciting in any sense of the word.

Its bland. its dull. Its (mostly) unfunny. Its a turkey