Evil Town

My review was written in November 1987 after watching the film on Trans World Entertainment video cassette.

"Evil Town" is a perfunctory horror thriller, which began production in 1984 and is notable mainly for the oddity of four directors credited with shooting it. Pic is a direct-to-home-video title.

Vet talent includes Dean Jagger as a mild scientist doing aging research involving the pituitary gland, which requires human organ donors. Various inhabitants of the remote village Smalltown (population: 666) help out by capturing unwary tourists and travelers, knocking them out and delivering them to Jagger's clinic.

James Keach is a young doctor out camping with his girlfriend and another couple, whom Jagger tries to shanghai to become his research assistant. Ultimately, Keach and his girl escape, Jagger is killed and the clinic patients riot. Film seems unfinished, with unsatisfactory stock footage in place of an ending.

Standard slasher horror film action to dispatch a series of young campers is highlighted by very lengthy topless scenes by former Playboy model Lynda Wiesmeier, obviously constituting the pic's potential draw in pay-cable showings. Tech credits are weak and fans of Jagger or other vets like Regis Toomey and Dabbs Greer will be disappointed by their work here.

At least that's how I was hoping this movie would end. I managed to NOT absolutely hate this movie, although the rental synopsis was misleading. The only reason I tried "Evil Town" was my weakness for zombie movies, and this movie promised to be about a doctor who creates an army of the living dead. Not quite.

I regard "Evil Town" as an ultra-cheap "Pulp Fiction" of B-grade horror movies. It basically has three plots, all involving the same group of people in a sleepy town. (If anything, watch this one to see the sign in the opening minute of the movie - Smalltown, Pop. 666, Elev. 13) One plot involves two perverts who get a kick out of kidnapping girls who are passing through. Another is about an escaped patient from the local hospital. And the third and major plot is about the aforementioned doctor performing experiments at the same hospital, creating an army of the brain-dead who don't end up doing anything anyway.

So the acting is terrible. So the gore is non-existent. So the directing is flat and talentless. (The movie had 3 - count 'em, three - directors!) So the entire thing could be made by a group of friends and their immediate families. Hey, I know I've never seen a movie involving a town of rampaging senior citizens! If you want to see a movie where the only thing that sets the hero apart from all the other characters is his willingness to beat up old people, I say give "Evil Town" a quick view.

The most interesting thing about Evil Town was most definitely the presence of breasts, big huge bouncing breasts at that. I couldn't stop laughing when the woman is being chased through the forest and as she runs, her boobs wobble up and down like a yo-yo. There's plenty of shots of them too. After this is over the story soon gets dull. The deaths are goreless and the plot seems to be going nowhere...until the end, when all is revealed.

The overall story is vaguely interesting, but it's the sort of thing that's been done before. I notice someone else described this as a zombie film, which is untrue. There are no zombies to be found at all. The only good things going for Evil Town are breasts, as mentioned, and a fairly good musical score.

From what I understand this film was actually started in 1984 and completed in 1987. However, it used segments of other films which were produced earlier such as "God Bless Dr. Shagetz" and I suppose this is the reason "Evil Town" carries a production date of 1977. Regardless, this movie is essentially about a scientist named "Dr. Schaeffer" (Dean Jagger) who has invented a serum extracted from the pituitary gland which can extend a person's life. This is great news for the elderly residents of the small town who benefit from Dr. Schaeffer's research. Unfortunately, it is terrible news for any unlucky travelers who have the misfortune to stop there for gas as they are subsequently abducted and used as donors. This results in their becoming mindless creatures who are incapable of supporting themselves. That's not to say that they are necessarily "zombies" but rather poor souls who are reduced to a semi-vegetative state. As such, I don't consider this to be a "zombie movie" by any current standard. In any case, although the movie certainly had potential, there really wasn't any great horror or suspense which might have made this movie stand out and as a result I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

Awful, wretched and plain lousy... Apparently this film was cut together from the remains of three unfinished films??? Maybe you wouldn't guess it right away (there's plenty of films out there that are an incoherent mess), but the ending really makes the film look like it was never finished.

While extremely painful and super-boring to sit through, here's a few laughs I had:

-- There's this blond bimbo (apparantly an ex-playmate) that keeps on running topless during the first act of the movie. And boy, look at those big cahoocha's! You'd say the director would show some respect and love when filming those two wonders of nature, but one "smoochy"-scene has her pressing her naked breasts against her boyfriend's chest in such a way that they just look plain wrong. Like one of them is mutated, or something. Best part has her running topless through the woods: bounce, wobble, shake, bump!

-- There's a couple of scenes in which old people drug a young couple and fight with a young dude... all in slow-motion! They wave syringes, they get kicked in the face, fall on the ground, wrestle with the young dude... all in slow-motion!

-- You'll never believe the town's evil doctor! Not only he can't act, he also has a speech-problem of sorts. The guy just can't articulate and stutters his every line. "Pituitary gland" comes out sounding "Patwooatwy gland" and even a simple word like "country" sounds like "cµntwee".

And will you listen to that downright abominable and most inappropriate music on the soundtrack...

EVIL TOWN is one of the worst "small town with a secret"-horror films I've ever seen. Oh, and in case you're wondering: There's no zombies in it.

Two points for those cahoocha's as they always come in pairs. And that's it.