Cyborg

Produced in the dying years of Cannon films, directed by Albert Pyun, starring an early Van Damme claiming to be "the first hero of the 21st century", claiming to be a "post apocalyptic battle" and with the title "Cyborg", somehow I don't think it will bring many to a state of disbelief when I announce that it's a very poor film. Cheap and tacky in every area, unless you're a huge fan of Van Damme it really should be avoided.

For Albert Pyun in the 80's and early 90's, a "post apocalyptic" movie was just an excuse to avoid any expense for sets and have a bunch of goons in ragged clothes running around large areas of open land or empty buildings. The "post apocalyptic" world Cyborg takes place in was filmed in North Carolina and looks like…uh…North Carolina.

There is action, but it's all rather dull and extremely forgettable and the overly dramatic musical score which accompanies it is extremely irritating. Plus there's no buildup to them, just randomly thrown together which throws away any excitement they may have had. On the plus side, the fights aren't half as bad as those I've seen in later Albert Pyun movies but Van Damme has done a lot better.

As far as acting goes, you'll get zero. Not that you'd expect award winning performances in a movie like this, but still, Van Damme has absolutely minimal dialogue and could pass off for somebody who doesn't speak any English simply being told to speak his lines phonetically. He is that poor, but at least it's evidence enough that he has tried in later movies. I do find many of his movies entertaining, this isn't one of them. The villains are the complete opposite, and they overact and make embarrassing howling and screaming when fighting Van Damme without being remotely scary in the least. Although it certainly doesn't say much for the state of humanity if the world was to be under threat for a second from these clowns!

The post apocalyptic genre is generally one of the weakest in the field of B-movies with the likes of Steel Frontier being one of the few exceptions and this is just about as poor as it gets. Not good enough to be worth watching or not even bad enough to be funny. At best it's tedious and dull so unless you're a huge fan of Van Damme I recommend you to stay away. On the plus side, it remains the best film by schlock director Albert Pyun I've seen to date but that's probably even more of a reason to avoid it than anything else.

I had the misfortune of seeing this movie in the theater while I was an undergrad at UF. We had just seen Bloodsport, which is a decent martial art action flick. This came out and we expected more of the same. Oh were we mistaken!

It was so bad we laughed during most of the movie, we should have walked out but we wanted to see just how bad it could get. After 10 years this movie still sticks out as one of the worst films I have ever seen!

I read on the street is that this came about from the sets and costumes of cancelled He-man and Spider-Man movies and that makes sense. Apparently the director wanted it to be a heavy metal opera! Apparently there's a directors cut that 99 out of a 100 people hated! I'll have to track it down next.

Meanwhile, I enjoyed the story well enough, the costumes were great, my gosh Jean-Claude Van Damme was young!

I came to this movie because someone on the internet was talking about how all the characters are named after guitar brands. Between that and my love of A: Low budget 80s film, B: Low budget post apocalyptic film, C: Movies featuring Martial Arts in general, and D: Jean-Claude Van Damme specifically, I knew I had to get my hands on this, and I was not disappointed.

You have to be a certain type of person to love this kind of movie, and I am that certain type of person. I'm surprised I'm not giving this a 10!

Inane dialogue,hilariously bad acting,cheesy music,bad special effects and Van Damme's over the top facial expressions all combine to create one of the most enjoyable unintentionally funny movies I have ever seen!We get our first unintended chuckle literally five seconds into the film with the opening narration;"First there was the collapse of civilisation,anarchy,genocide,starvation,and then when it seemed things couldn't get any worse we got the plague.The living death,then we heard the rumors that the last scientists were working on a cure that would end the plague and restore the world.Restore it?Why?I like the death!I like the misery!I like this world!!!"Absolutely hilarious!

"Cyborg" is actually passable stuff if you watch it in the right frame of mind (and that thought occurred to me only in the SECOND viewing); if you're expecting a movie made with artistry and professionalism or anything resembling class, you're in for a disappointment. But if you know that this is only supposed to be a low-grade showcase for Van Damme's rather impressive kickboxing skills, then you may like it a little. It IS primitive filmmaking, but a bit more elaborately staged than other Cannon releases (for example, the Bronson vehicles of the 80s). (**)