Deadtime Stories

My review was written in May 1986 after a Cannes Film Festival Market screening.

"Dead Time Stories", originally titled "Freaky Fairy Tales", is an unsatisfactory horror comedy in three segments. Only audienced is diehard fans for special makeup effects.

Structure closely resembles that of "Creepshow", with a little boy demanding that his uncle recite scary bedtime stories to help him go to sleep.

Only the first tale is effective: a low-budget but interesting to look at medieval story of Peter (Scott Valentine), a fisherman's son sold into slavery to two witches. He saves a girl they intend to sacrifice in order to conjure back to life their warlock brother (using remains of his heart fetched from his grave). Makeup effects are very impressive here as the heart gradually recreates the whole body by spouting blood vessels, sinews and red creeping flesh in an amazing set piece. Half-hour story also features a funny trick ending.

The following two segments of "Dead Time Stories" are truly terrible and a test of any audience's endurance. Part Two has the story of Red Riding Hood updated to the present with Rachel (Nicole Picard) as a sey girl in red jogging togs who goes to the drugstore to fetch Maalox for her granny. The Maalox is accidentally mixed up with a drug fix for wolf Willie, who is a sleazebag as well as a werewolf. He bites, and kills granny when he goes to her house to exchange the drugstore parcels and is in turn done in by resourceful Rachel. Guess what Granny turns into?

Idiiotic finale revamps the "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" tale into sophomoric slapstick. Goldie (Cathryn De Prume) is a blonde with a big chest who killed her parents at age eight, followed by other killing sprees. She's just escaped from an insane asylum as have Mr. Baer and his lame-brained son, sprung from stir by Ma Ma Baer (Melissa Leo). The four of them team up and fight it out with the local cops. Oddest element of this amateurish segment is the casting of Melissa Leo, a talented young actres, with black wig and some makeup as the matriarch with an adult son.

Technical credits and acting are weak throughout.

So, to tell the truth, the first reason I wanted to see this film was to see that actor from FAMILY TIES in a gross-out horror film. But, despite a few cheesy effects, this film is two-thirds a dud.

The first story, about witches, is a wash-out.

The second story, a parody on Little Red Riding Hood, was better paced, but still lacking in any real dramatic thrust(except for that of Red, when she meets up with her boyfriend). This is the one that Scott Valentine is in, and although an improvement on the first story, it still bit the big one.

The third story, however, works. Goldi Lox is a psycho, and the Bears are thieves. This makes for a perfect coupling, until sex comes into play. Then, things get nasty. This segment is the best of the three stories, and maybe if the other two stories had been as strong(and funny), the overall film would've been better.

As it stands, however, DEADTIME STORIES isn't exactly the best way to spend 90 minutes. It is slow in many sections, and the low budget is evident. But, if you don't mind fast-forwarding about an hour, the Goldi Lox story is a real hoot. Otherwise, THE OFFSPRING is a far more superior anthology film.

Fairy-tales gone bad, devilishly bad, in this total "B" cheese-fest anthology movie from obscure 80's horror heaven! It's an oddball flick, adding a lot of absurd and black humor. Bad actors and very low budget but still some cool & gory special effects (one scene in the first segment even had me thinking about the resurrection of Frank in "Hellraiser", of course a little less impressively staged this time). The last segment is as retarded as it is genius. And it's got Goldilox showing some upper nakedness. I just cannot flunk this bad boy; I had way too much fun with it. And regardless the painfully low production values, it does manage to be fairly original & spirited. Die hard horror anthology lovers should check this out some time.

Seen much better Anthology horror films than this. Worth a watch but do not get your hopes up.

Bongzilla should make an appearance prior to watching.

Its totally creepy that the washed up pervy drunk uncle is telling a little boy dirty bedtime stories. The gore is pretty fun though. I'm not sure what age its intended for, its adult but then its still so campy at times its like it was also for kids 50 years ago. What a mess! But its obvious that Rob Zombie liked it, that Goldie Lox segment is pretty much just House of 1000 corpses.