Last Resort

Look, i'm a fan of stupid movies. Troll 2 for example, I thought was hilarious. But this movie was beyond garbage. There was absolutely no plot at all, NOTHING in this film makes sense, and nothing that ever happens can even be remotely considered funny. the only way this film could be considered comedic is how you'd be laughing your ass off when you gave this movie to someone you hated for Christmas or something. I'm not kidding, it's terrible in every aspect. I'd really like to know what was wrong with the retards that made this thing. Did you just wake up and decide you'd like to give the world a reason to hate you? I can't imagine anyone really liking this movie, except for a few really unpopular mental patients.

Released in 1994, "National Lampoon's Last Resort" stars Corey Feldman & Corey Haim as two young dudes who are magically transported to a Caribbean island after being fired from a fast food outlet and getting evicted. Their mission is to help save the island as they meet various beach beauties. The band Dread Zeppelin perform the theme song during the end credits.

The movie has a crazy vibe, nice beach locations, several beautiful women and the cast looks like they had a fun time, as if they knew it was low-budget trash but chose to have a good time anyway. Unfortunately, the plot is nigh nonexistent and much of the dialogue gibberish, like the screenwriters (term used loosely) had a pot-smoking party during the creation process. I know they were shooting for something in the ballpark of 1985's well-done "Private Resort," but that movie had a discernible plot - however irrelevant - and coherent dialogue. While it bears the "National Lampoon" moniker, it's not worthy of it; not even close. Still, if you're in the mood for a zany island comedy, give it a try, just don't expect anything good. It's mindless, but fun beach-oriented amusement (and I mean "mindless" literally).

The movie runs 90 minutes and was shot on the Cayman Islands and La Habra Heights, California.

GRADE: Borderline C-/D+

I give this film two. Why? Because it has the Coreys in it and occasionally they have their tops off. But other than that this film was absolute RUBBISH! I bought it only yesterday because I love the Corey's and I try to buy all their stuff. i knew it was going to be ridiculous, stupid, maybe irritating, but i thought I might actually enjoy SOME of it, seeing as I usually enjoy silly films. But this wasn't just bad it was god awful garbage! How could the Corey's have ever agreed to such an excruciatingly painful display of bad acting, screenplay, directing, producing, and everything else it requires to make a film. WHY? I seriously don't get it, because the Coreys are talented but no one who saw this film first would ever know that! It was torture to watch and i only put up with it for the sake of the Coreys. But never again. It will collect dust on my shelf for the rest of my life, only there so i can say I own most of their films. By far the worst film i've ever seen!

I rented this film with a few good buddies and we fully expected to enjoy watching a lousy movie filled with unintentional comedy. Instead, what we labored our way through was 90 minutes of unwatchable garbage. The movie presents us with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, and proceeds to tell us that they are cool guys who we should enjoy. Why?! It never shows us anything cool or enjoyable about them - it just asks us to assume that. Much like when a body rejects a donated organ, we reject the very notion that they are interesting or likable individuals. Was Feldman's outfit EVER cool-looking? Even in some parallel dimension? (Also, a note to any prospective screenwriters out there, costuming jokes are NEVER funny! "Look, the sleeves of his suit are ripped off because he's on the beach!! HILARIOUS!") Corey Haim spends his time dressed like a semi-retarded homeless person and spouting off about virtual reality. Huh? Where did that character paradigm come from? If you can believe it, the movie actually becomes less watchable when the two Coreys aren't on the screen. We're presented with a villain with an annoyingly altered voice, a mermaid with an annoyingly altered voice, and an retired couple intent on wasting our time with their weary jokes. A last note, we should have realized that the movie was going to be a failure while watching the opening credits - the names are piercingly flashed at us in neon colors. It was enough to almost send me into a seizure.

People, trust me. If you're looking for a campy movie high on the unintentional comedy scale, look elsewhere. "Last Resort" only serves to p*** you off.

I HATE THIS FILM. I REALLY HATE THIS MOVIE! DO NOT BUY IT FROM YOUR FAVORITE STORE LIKE MY BROTHER DID.