Ça va clencher!

Let the screenwriters and director go down with the ship I say. As the sun sets slowly in the West, Speed 2: Cruise Control sinks without a trace. The sequel to 1995's surprise drive-a-bus hit has barely caused a ripple at the box office. The threadbare script is mostly to blame. It consists almost entirely of simplistic, exclamation-point dialogue like, "We're gonna crash!" "We're going too fast!" "Do something!" "This isn't happening!" "We gotta get him outta here!" "There's not much time left!" and the ever useful, "Oh, s**t!"

There is, indeed, not much time left for characterization or interpersonal drama. Speed 2 gets off to a winky-dinky start with Sandra Bullock taking yet another disastrous driving test. Bullock's natural charm can go only so far, however, and you keep wanting to throw her a life preserver or a new script. As people drop dead around her, she must continue to whine about the ruination of her vacation. Bullock doesn't get a lot of help from blandish co-star Jason Patric, who plays her cop boyfriend. The nasty, computer-literate villain, who likes to attach blood-sucking leeches to his body, is certainly quirky. Willem Dafoe, who's pretty quirky himself, does what he can with the overriding vagaries of his character's mad-bomber motivation. The action bits are fairly frequent, but seem anemic when compared to what else is available to fans of such. Director Jan De Bont fared much better in 1996 with the flying cows and funnel clouds of Twister. Speed 2 ends up with some highly anticipated destruction as the cruise ship plows into the island of St. Martin. No matter, as I hear the whole thing was computer-generated anyway. This cruise is no carnival, and could have used a cameo by Kathie Lee. Would loved to have seen Dafoe slap her around a bit.

"Speed" was a surprise hit movie. While it cost about $30,000,000 to make, it made back more than four times the cost. So, some Hollywood executives (with a collective IQ similar to that of a gerbil) thought...'if we do a sequel, we must spend $120,000,000 on it because THAT is why the first movie was such a success'. Not surprisingly, the movie tanked and it somehow has made it to IMDB's infamous Bottom 100 list--the 100 worst ranked major releases of all time.

In the original, Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock work to prevent a bus from exploding and killing folks. Now, because this is an overbloated sequel, they've placed the story aboard a cruise ship...which is also out of control and will kill everyone unless our heroes save it....though this time Reeves refused to reprise his role. So, they cast the rather bland Jason Patric in the lead...who offered little improvement other than he was very good at using sign language in one small scene.

How bad is this film? Well, not bad enough to be on the Bottom 100 list. So why is it on the list? After loving the first film, so many folks expected more of the same...and got nothing but a dull overblown action picture with little in the way to interest viewers....and I think THAT is why it made the list....because it disappointed so badly. Instead, I wish IMDB had a list for films with the worst ratio of cost to enjoyability of the film...in which case "Speed 2" would easily make the top 100.

By the way, this sequel ended up spending nearly as much for ONE crash scene as the budget for all of "Speed"! And, after paying $11,500,000 just to obtain Sandra Bullock for this film, you can only assume that the film simply had nothing left to pay competent writers. Instead, I assume, they hired some penguins to write the script....some very, very dull and untalented penguins!

I was so curious as to what they would do in the sequel of Speed, I just watched Speed today and absolutely loved it! So, I can understand why Keanu turned down the movie, first off not only the script was bad, but the coincidences were beyond ridiculous of Sandra Bullock being in the same position twice and Jason Patrick?! He was so scared of doing a great movie like The Lost Boys, but yet he couldn't hesitate to do this movie? The movie just lost it's course and didn't work on any level, if it had different characters, maybe, but these great actors should know better and check twice before signing onto these sequels.

Annie is with this new policeman, Alex, and he surprises her with cruise tickets. He is planning on asking her to marry him, but that is shortly interrupted when Willaim Defoe is now the super duper bad guy. He is upset that he designed the ships computer system but gets no credit, so guess what? He decides the best way to avenge this is to blow it up! But with Alex on board... yup... you guessed it, he's gonna stop William and save the day! Good for him!

Speed 2: Cruise Control was just a money maker that is truly a fake movie that was really sad. The acting was really bad and Sandra's character went from admirable to just plain annoying. Alex had no character or any sympathy. The explosions were lame and the plot was just beyond unbelievable, poor William, he was probably on medication when he said yes to making this movie. Well, just please stay away from this movie, it'll be a waste of your time.

2/10

Don't watch this movie. It is the worst movie I've ever seen. I'd rather go to the dentist than watch this. For every actor/actress in the movie, it's their worst movie. I would rather eat skunk meat than watch this movie. It is beyond comprehension. Don't do it. I know you're thinking about it. But don't.

Now I liked Sandra Bullock in the original Speed. I even liked her in that film where she went into a beauty pageant. But in this monstrosity, I just wanted to slap her repeatedly and say "What are you doing!?"

She is just dire. Not in acting (well... any more than usual, anyway) but just in the way her character made you want to shake her until she regained some sense. Whoever was responsible for the script needs a good beating here. Unless I am completely mistaken, her character between the events of the first film and this one, turned into a complete and total airhead bimbo.

Add in Jason Patric (who will never be leading man material) and it seems that only Willem Dafoe was having any fun. Truly awful!

But it is good to see that ocean liners, which may have to weather tropical storms, apparently have windows made of glass so easy to break that anyone can hurl themselves through them on a whim. Priceless cinema.

Avoid this one if you liked the original.

Avoid this one if you expect a thrilling sea drama.

Avoid this one if you like Sandra Bullock.

Avoid this one if....well....just avoid it.