Beverly Hills 90269

It's one thing to try and tell a story and appeal to a Couples audience rather than simply deliver the millionth gonzo all-sex video, but if so, one needs to come through with something interesting and stimulating. So I'm unwilling to give "Beverly Hills 90269" any brownie points, as it's deadly dull.

Screenplay credited to C. Everette Smythe is sort of a tale of 3 blondes: Alex Jordan, in what's billed as her debut, takes up her friend Chrissy Ann's invitation to go home with her for spring vacation, which causes a rift with Alex's boyfriend Cal Jammer who has other plans. The third blonde is Chrissy's mom Deidre Holland (too young to be her birth mother I guess), and complications set in when Deidre seduces Jordan, followed by Chrissy seducing mom's boyfriend Mike Horner.

Sounds like a dumb soap opera, because it is. And director Jean-Pierre Ferrand doesn't set off any sparks the way those good old Nighttime soaps like "Dallas" and "Dynasty" did.

An example of how lame this movie is comes with the casting of Jon Dough as a bartender who becomes a positive one-night stand for Deidre, as he takes her home when she gets drunk, gets seduced and then leaves a lovely note on her pillow. He was married to Deidre when this was shot, and his dull, too good to be true character is ridiculous.

An odd coincidence, two of the total cast of seven died young, both by hanging themselves: Alex Jordan and Jon Dough.