On Edge

On the surface, "On Edge" looks like a crazy mockumentary along the lines of the Christopher Guest masterpieces "Best in Show" (dog competition), "A Mighty Wind" (folk festival), or the one that started them all, "Spinal Tap" (dimensionally challenged heavy metal rockers). Certainly this merciless skewering of competitive figure skating has all the makings of an absurdist satire like those, but what distinguishes it--and possibly throws off audiences who are expecting just a silly romp--are some surprisingly powerful themes and dramatic subplots. And I'm not just talking about "fat girl shaming" which is actually just 1 element of the story.

For example there's one character, the bad girl "JC Cain" (excellently played by AJ Langer) who is introduced with the morbidly hilarious backstory of her father being accidentally canned to death in a tuna factory. (Look out, exploding drummers and bizarre gardening accidents, you've met your match.) Her character has all the makings of a total Tonya Harding caricature, but as the film progresses her story shifts to a very dramatic subplot of a person torn by imaginary loyalties, self-defeating dreams of mediocrity, and strangely disturbing voices in her head. And all of this is played straight, no satire, no ba-dum-ching punchlines and no amps that go to 11. If you're not ready for it, you may end up confused.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. The plot of "On Edge" revolves around a dysfunctional figure skating school run by a crazy alcoholic Russian ex-champion with the worst accent since Keanu Reeves doing Shakespeare, but (like Keanu Reeves doing Shakespeare) you gotta love him. We focus on the stories of a handful of skaters who are each vying for the title of regional champion, and orbiting around them are a few hilarious trainers, family members, judges, and our strategically placed storyteller "Zamboni Phil" (played by Jason Alexander of Seinfeld fame in a very non-Seinfeld role). Zamboni is the voice of reason in this crazy spectacle, and he's what bridges the gap between absurdist satire and the dramatic elements I mentioned. He's a bit like the Shakespearean fool who seems like a clown on the surface but is ultimately the wisest of the bunch.

Among the characters we meet are: (1) a sullen, perfection-obsessed diva with an eating disorder and a mother who bakes pies for everyone but her; (2) a somewhat larger-than-average yet phenomenally talented girl "Wendy" who, despite all the abuse she receives, has an unstoppably cheerful personality like Dorothy Hamill on crack; and (3) the aforementioned bad girl JC who defies description as her character arc has more spins than a Triple Salchow.

Peripheral characters provide the biggest laughs and certainly the most weirdness, like the disturbingly intense ex-judge whom you feel at any minute might jump off a rooftop trying to fly ("This is not a mind on drugs! This is a mind on figure skating!!"), or the 2 crazed Beavis & Butthead fanboys, as well as a host of other screwballs including notable cameos by Kathy Griffin and (you gotta be quick to catch it...) yes, one of the band members of Spinal Tap.

"On Edge" definitely has a lot going on, and in order to fully appreciate this flick you have to be prepared for the dramatic elements as well as the utter madcap absurdity. But now that you're forewarned maybe you'll have a great time. A final note about the actual figure skating performances: WOW. Those alone are worth the price of admission. I wasn't particularly a fan of figure skating before watching this movie, but I am now. Tuna sandwiches, not so much.

Okay this is a spoof about documentary style movies about figure skating in Southern California. It's not supposed to be great but it has a great cast. I love Wendie Malick as the single mother obsessed with her daughter, Veda, who has a secret passion for cooking and would rather be in the kitchen than a skater. She has a Tonya Harding type J.C. Cain who would love to be the queen of the ice Capades and shows. She comes from a trailer park community. The third contestant is played by Marisa Janet Winokur (she won a Tony Award for Best Supporting Actress in a Musical for Hairspray). She plays Wendy, a girl from a wholesome supportive family and coached by her mother. She finally gets her dream coach after his client is eliminated. You see a lot of familiar faces like Jason Alexander as Zamboni Phil, Chris Hogan as the Professor, Kathy Griffin as Kathy Katz among others. I don't take this film seriously. Oh Scott Hamilton, Peter Carruthers, Kristi Yamaguchi show that they can poke fun at their sport.

Judging from some of the comments about this movie, I guess you have to be an ex-skater (or a fan of skating) to appreciate this movie. Yes, it is WAY, WAY over the top, but I think people are missing that it was MEANT to be. I found it a cute and funny film. No, it's not close to one of the greatest mockumentary ever made, but I enjoyed it.

Even though a lot of facts about competitive figure skating are gotten wrong in this movie (deliberately and hilariously so, in some cases) the filmmakers somehow inadvertently got a lot right. While most of these characters are grossly exaggerated for comic affect, I recognize almost all of them. There were quite a few Vedas that I recall: kids who were very good, but didn't give a rat's ass about skating and wouldn't be doing it if their parents (usually but not always their "skating mother") weren't forcing them to. Yes, there were most CERTAINLY mothers as pushy as Veda's mother (some worse, come to think of it and some were even in fur coats) although most of them (thank the Lord) weren't channeling Joan Crawford! Even the friendly and seemingly ever present Zamboni guy (Jason Alexander) is a character I remember. And if you think judges being prejudiced only happens on the international level, well, wake up and smell the coffee!!! There were even a few J.C.'s, girls who couldn't care less about the Olympics, but were working their way towards ice shows. Although you don't have to win Regionals to get into one, you just try out! <g>

Whoever wrote the positive comment on this movie had to be working for the production company. This movie was so mean spirited, stupid, and unfunny. How many more fat jokes could they make? What was up with the gross character played by Scott Hamilton? He should be ashamed for making this movie. How could Kristi and Tai want to be associated with this disaster? What happened to Jason Alexander's acting skills? Did he leave them all on the set of Seinfeld?

It didn't gently and affectionately poke fun at the sport, like Bring it On did for competitive cheerleading. It consistently stressed that all skaters are bulimic psychopaths, all the mothers are desperate middle aged hags trying to regain their lost youth, and all the judges are biased snobs whose scores can be bought with sexual favors. I was waiting for the gay jokes to come out but with no male skaters I guess the writers just couldn't figure out how work them in.

I am not against dumb but funny movies, but this movie was just depressing. Don't waste your time.

I love figure skating. It's my favorite Olympic sport and Lord knows it has it's eccentric, bizarre side which is why it was ripe for a mock documentary like this. However, director Slovin (who also co-wrote the screenplay) is no Christopher Guest. What Guest did to community theater (Waiting for Guffman), dog shows (Best in Show), and country music (A Mighty Wind) is inspired lunacy. One can only wish that he'd taken on this subject as well. Slovin is simply not up to the task. Not by a long shot!

The over-the-top writing is only intermittently funny. The direction is slow and clunky! A lot of the jokes are forced. Most of it is downright stupid. The reason Guest succeeds in his mockumentaries is because he takes the original subject matter very seriously. His players and situations are very true to life. That's what makes them funny. The characters in "On Edge" are not so skillfully veiled tropes of real people like Tonya Harding, Nancy Kerrigan and Michelle Kwan. They are not conceived properly and in the end simply become annoying and unreal. It doesn't help that the three female leads cannot do anything with the material. The idea of an ebullient, overweight skater may work for a five minute Saturday Night Live skit, but over the course of 90 minutes it strains the reality of a real or fake documentary. There aren't any people like this. A 250 pound skater could never do a triple jump. So instead of poking fun at the real world of skating, Slovin invents fantasies to satirize, weakening the entire movie as a result. The movie actually reminded me of another mockumentary "Drop Dead Gorgeous" about a regional beauty queen contest. The difference is that in that movie the girls competing are totally believable. It's hilarious! The female figure skaters in "On Edge" are not.

Jason Alexander gives one of the worst performances of his career. He is embarrassingly dull. He adds little to the movie. And why would a documentary film maker spend so much time with a Zamboni driver in the first place! He should have been smart and passed on the movie. Chris Hogan as the documentary film maker is square in delivery and hopelessly miscast. You don't believe he's a film maker at all! It would have been better to have the character an unseen person behind the scenes. John Glover has a few funny moments as an over the hill Russian skater but the barely acceptable accent wears out its welcome fast. And ice skating legend Scott Hamilton delivers a horrid, unfunny, overly broad, embarrassing performance as a prissy, chain smoking, yellow toothed, bad hair day skating judge. You wonder what he got paid to debase the sport this badly. Adding insult to injury, other skating legends like Kristi Yamaguchi, Robin Cousins, Peter Caruthers, Randy Gardner and Ty Babilonia appear as competition judges. Did none of them realize how bad this movie was.

Well, the studio did. They sent it right to video. And if you see it in the video store, spare yourself. If you must have a figure skating movie, try "The Cutting Edge"! That at least honors the sport!