xXx

xXx is as big as Pinocihos nose after he has read a statement written by Jeffrey Archer and as dumb as a person with no tongue. It is designed for the kind of people who think that Bond movies have too much of that talking stuff between explosions and use this strange music that doesn't seem to have distorted electric guitars or rapping on it. It is also a lot of fun.

After losing another spy on the trail of ultra stupid terrorist anarchy 99, whose plan for world domination involves building a boat in a landlocked country, the NSA decide they need a new breed of agent. Therefore they kidnap extreme sports enthusiast and counter culture hero Xander Cage, aka xXx, aka Vin Diesel playing virtually the same character he did in Pitch Black and The Fast And The Furious. After watching him do Evil Kineval impersonations around a Colombian cocaine plantation whilst the army try to blow it off the face of the Earth they cut him a deal. Either save the world or go to jail. Unsurprisingly he chooses the former.

For the first 20 minutes it looks encouragingly like the they have just allowed the stunt team to make the entire movie. However before long we have scenes developing the love interest set in swanky restaurants and a lush orchestral score creeping in. This wouldn't be a problem if the writer didn't think the phrase "one liner" referred to the amount of decent dialogue he had to include in the entire film. As it is your mind starts wandering as soon as things stop exploding.

However xXx's action sequences are more than enough to compensate the viewer for their patience during the more laboured elements of the film. The stunts are by turns ambitious, outrageous and just plain improbable, however it seems unlikely that the film will be causing the James Bond producers too many sleepless nights. In fact before long they will be making films to appeal to people who think the xXx movies have too much dialogue and not enough nu-metal. They'll probably call them Jackass Bond.

I am at a loss as to why Vin Diesel is considered something special. Sure, he was fine providing a voice for the underrated animated movie "The Iron Giant", but in live action he isn't anything like what I would consider a leading man. Here, as in his other movies, he comes across as as an arrogant and somewhat dumb thug that repulses you. Even Stallone at his worst still gave his character enough believability that you could accept his actions.

As for the rest of the movie... well, it was meant to be an update of the James Bond movies, but they only got the words, not the music. Sure there's an evil organization out to hurt the world, but it and its members are given paper-thin development and no personality. Sure, there are high-tech gadgets, but they are TOO cartoony, and are presented in a way that doesn't amaze or make you think they're cool. Sure, there are foreign locations, but they are shoved so way in the background that you wonder why they bothered to go on location. Sure, there are big and elaborate stunt sequences, but they managed to be directed and edited in a way that saps out ALL the excitement other directors and editors would have been able to keep in. I'm sure some other wag in these user comments has already said this... but this is more "ZZZ" than "XXX".

This film is fun, with an easy plot to follow and a great soundtrack. the film is basically a 2hour long stunt. the one major criticism i have is that Asia Argento should stick to letting Daddy chop her up in his movies instead of trying to be a serious actress. The film is made all the better on a personal level in the fact that Rammstein make a live appearance at the beginning of the film. Vin Diesel has the charisma and potential to be the next big action movie star and has a really cool voice. Samuel Jackson gets to play his typical gruff shouting role that he has made his own and there are several stunts that are truly breathtaking, it is just sad that one of these led to the stuntman performing it's death.

Knowing that our government gives extreme convicts a chance to save our country makes me sleep like a baby every night... wait, no it doesn't. OK, the story, is incredibly unrealistic and not to mention some of the action sequences that go on. In general, I guess this is what you can classify a "guy's flick". But I'm not sure why, I kinda enjoyed "XXX" because it was very cool just to watch.

I think just to watch these kind of sports are very exciting, so you just get into the groove of the movie and except everything that is happening. If you're looking for a great movie, I wouldn't really recommend this type of flick, but if you are looking for sheer entertainment, I think you'll get that with "XXX".

6/10

For plot, xXx rates a 1.

For acting, a 0.

For action, a 10.

This movie is unbelievably stupid, but somehow people (including me) like it. Just watch it, take it for what it is, and go with the flow. Vin Diesel plays an "extreme protester" recruited by "The Man" to accomplish some vague mission. Don't get too concerned about the mission, or anything else for that matter. Anything resembling a plot is present only to justify the explosion or parachute jump or whatever impossible physical challenge the stunt-masters have come up with. Just be happy you rented this instead of paid to see it in a theater. Invite your friends over, have a few beers, and enjoy!!!