La femme-chat

Oh, where to start...imagine all the intellectual depth of Showgirls, plus all the excessive and ridiculous special effects of Charlie's Angels, and then throw in some dialog crafted by whomever wrote for Governor Schwarzenegger's Mr. Freeze in the fourth Batman movie, and only then are you even close to a movie as awful as this.

I suppose one should not expect much from a director who actually refers to himself as Pitof. But let's come back to that. Let's move on to Halle Berry. Note to Halle Berry: Letting Billy Bob Thornton ream you endlessly on camera is certainly degrading, but it was also a good career move--and you won an Oscar; feverishly eating catnip and licking people's faces on camera, however, is not a good career move--and you'll probably win a Razzie this time. They make you return Oscars for movies like this. Oh yeah, as for the supernatural explanation for Patience Phillips/Catwoman's superhero status--she gets CPR from an immortal Egyptian cat--I am not kidding.

And then there is Benjamin Bratt, who happens to be a pretty solid actor, but could have very likely damaged a good career. If his participation in this movie isn't enough to stigmatize him, then I'm sure he had to pass up a lot of good roles because of all the time he spent having his foot surgically removed from his former agent's rectum. There is a scene in this movie--probably the worst, and that's no small achievement--that is reminiscent of that ridiculous scene in Daredevil where Jennifer Garner/Elektra and Ben Affleck/blind superhero have a Kung Fu fight at a playground in broad daylight; in this movie it's Halle Berry and Ben Bratt playing one-on-one hoops and her doing Catwoman flips and yet no one appears to be too amazed by this, much less pants-soiling surprised, and on top of that it has a sort of VH1/Color Me Bad/early New Edition video feel to it. And I'm really not sure what city this is all supposed to take place in--Gotham, Metropolis, the land beneath the whole in the cutting room floor--but apparently this place only has one detective, the unfortunate Bratt. No matter what the crime is--burglary, murder, domestic disturbance, interrupted ballet performance--he's always there.

As for the rest of the cast, that annoying woman from Mad TV--I know that's not specific enough; I mean the most annoying one who plays what I guess is supposed to be some bizarre Asian lady--well, she plays Catwoman's annoying and sort of slutty co-worker comic relief since Rosie O'Donnell was apparently unavailable.

And then we come to Sharon Stone. Now I know her career is going down the crapper with all deliberate speed, but it's still hard to understand this one. The only thing I can guess is that the opportunity to break into silly, pseudo-feminist diatribes made this a role she couldn't turn down. Of course Sharon has often lamented the lack of good roles for older women in Hollywood, and she's absolutely right about that, but this is not the best way to lodge a complaint, and plus that's always been a little peculiar coming from an actress whose greatest cinematic achievement is the conspicuous exposure of her labia.

Briefly back to this Pitof character--I thought that pretentious one-named idiot who did the Charlie's Angels movies--McG, I believe--was bad enough, but this guy is even more shameless and obviously lacking in talent. What's with these guys who've never made a movie and are already going by only one name? Don't you have to work up to that? I mean if is Scorsese wants to go by Marty, fine; if Tarantino wants to be just Quentin, or even just Q, whatever, but where does a hack like this get off using one name? This movie deserves every Razzie it receives, and while some reviewers may say it's not really that bad, remember, it took a lot of money to make this godawful thing, and if people don't speak out about how dreadful it really is, they just might make Catwoman 2. Can you live with that?

+Halle Berry as Catwoman is sexy as hell in that outfit & the whip.

+It presents a positive image of a woman choosing not to go along passively with Evangelical Christian pastors making reproductive health choices for them as many women today won't vote anti-women politicians out of office.

+It goes against the political correctness where women are frowned upon when they keep their bodies healthy.

+The script was okay for an origin story of what was a comic book. They did a good job of writing lines that were appropriate for Catwoman (decisive, confident) and Patience (no confidence, apologetic). Also, the woman professor scenes adds credibility to the story.

-The computer animation was crude with Catwoman's movement being too fast and unnatural, perhaps due to poor s/w and slow computers of the time. Also, the cat computer animation was terrible. They needed Pixar.

I scored a free ticket to this movie, and I thought, hey, I've wasted my whole life up to now, what's another hundred and forty-one minutes? After all, I have a higher tolerance for crap than most people, and, once in a while, I like to see something that completely sucks. According to the critics and to voters on IMDb, Catwoman is supposed to suck bad. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, the movie really doesn't suck. I mean, yeah, it sucks, but it hardly plumbs the depths of true suckitude. Currently it sits at #35 on the IMDb bottom 100, but I can think of way more than 34 other movies that suck far worse than Catwoman. It is much more fair to say that it is a mediocre, perhaps slightly below average, action film. It has a few pros and lots of cons. The cons first: 1) The jumpy editing is awful. 2) Way too much CGI. Same problem with the 500 pound gorilla comic book movie out right now, as well. CGI is probably the worst thing ever to happen to cinema; it's hard to believe people are worshiping a technique that looks more fake than stop-motion. 3) Benjamin Bratt is a horrible actor, and the ugliest handsome man I've ever seen. 4) How the f*ck did Alex Borstein land a movie role? She should be doomed to die on MAD TV, the longest running train wreck of a show ever. 5) Crappy, crappy script. The pros: 1) The film looks wonderful, even though that's due mostly to the CGI (I guess when it's making buildings and inanimate objects like that, it's not so bad). The costume design, even apart from the Catwoman outfit. And if they gave out Oscars to hair stylists, the ones who worked on this film would have no competition. 2) Sharon Stone – not a great performance, by any means. Her character is downright silly, perhaps even nonsensical. But she's gorgeous and has a great presence. She makes a really boring villain somewhat more interesting. 3) Duh! Halle Berry! She might not have the best ability to choose roles. Perhaps she's just obsessed with money, and now that she's got a statuette, she's going to do everything in her power to become a billionaire. Whatever you can say about her, she's a great actress. Last year, she brought Gothika up a notch, and she does a lot to make Catwoman more entertaining than it ought to be. She plays the characters' two halves, the sweet, insecure girl and the dominatrix, very well. And, come on, I'd be lying if I said I didn't go to the movie because I thought Berry would be walking around in a leather outfit for a good portion of the movie. And, damn, she's hot. This makes the movie watchable, if nothing else. There's a shot where the camera circles Berry from toe to head right after she first dons the Catwoman which was worth the price of me embarrassing myself by handing my free pass over to the cute little theater girl at the counter. 5/10.

The picture talks on a vogue designer , Patience (Halle Berry) , who discovers a conspiracy by her chiefs (the cunning marriage : Sharon Stone and Lambert Wilson). She escapes dropping at the sea and for a spell of a holy cat , she is transformed and awakes with ultra-keen senses as Catwoman , including an extreme speed , agility and strength . A policeman (Benjamin Bratt) investigates odd murders that are leading to her , but they then fall in love . They'll have to confront several risks and dangers until the attaining of her innocence as a public criminal .

The picture has got a certain remembrance to last adaptations based on comic books , thus ¨Daredevil¨ and ¨Electra¨ but lack luster and budget . The movie mingles tension , action , humor , a love story and being enough amusing . From the beginning to finish the action-packed and suspense are continued and fast-moving and that's why it isn't tiring , neither boring , but fun . Over use of digital effects , though also were utilized 43 cats that trained for the film . The final duel between the starring and the baddies is impressive and exciting . The film obtained moderated success and the producers didn't achieve the wished box office and isn't sure if it will have a sequel . Thierry Arbogast cinematography is colorful and shimmer . Klaus Badlet score is nice and atmospheric but is shaded by a monotonous pop music . The motion picture was regularly directed by Pitof who his previous film , Vidoq , made it much better . In fact , this ¨Catwoman¨ achieved several Razzie Awards . Yarn will appeal to Halle Berry fans and superheroine comics enthusiast . Rating : mediocre and entertaining .

Directing 0/10, Writing 0/10, Cinematography 0.5/10, Editing 1/10, Acting 0.5/10, Overall Satisfaction 0/10

Final- 0.5/10

One word is brought to mind when thinking back to my viewing of, Catwoman- Crap. It might be inspired by my estimation of the film's display of only 12 minutes of living, breathing actors (which I will get into more below). Or it could possibly be inspired by the many errors that there wasn't even an attempt to cover, i.e.- Patience becomes Catwoman after wandering into a restricted area. How did she get into this restricted area, you ask? By walking through the door marked 'RESTRICTED AREA,' in bold, red text, which was simply unlocked and didn't even have a significant locking device on it. You know, I might've also hated the movie (not worthy of the word 'film') because of the pointless-undeveloped story line. And, really, it's not possible to look beyond the disgustingly audacious 'style' of one-named director, Pitof, which can only be described as the style of a headless chicken running through a maze of landmines. Oh, yes, said headless chicken is also being chased by angry natives wielding machetes.

I mentioned above that I estimated that only 12 minutes of living, breathing actors were shown during the entire 140 minutes of film. Almost every sequence of the movie featuring an actor seemed to be butchered by the insertion of CGI's. I'm dead serious. I'm not just talking high-flying, sucky action sequences- I'm talking scenes of Catwoman walking to a motorcycle and calmly getting on it, and the other one that immediately comes to mind is a sequence where a man (a baddie) is simply walking. Yeah, walking. It seems agents and managers are really watching over their clients these days.

Now, two questions I'm asking-

1) What is the point of Catwoman? What the [expletive] does she do?

It's explained in the film that Midnight, the 'magical' cat, chose Patience to become Catwoman, but something is wrong here- CATWOMAN HAS NO PURPOSE!! Every other superhero out there has a purpose- They save people! It seems Catwoman's only purpose is to kill the people who attempted to kill her and chase a cricket or two. There's nothing else to her!

2) Where is the REAL back story?

It sure as [expletive] wasn't in the film! Why wasn't she shocked and attempting to reason and deal with the emotional ass-kicking that would come with the revelation? She's told she's Catwoman by the cliché cat lady, she buys a mask and nails and the result is the 'superhero.' It's adds up, but not into anything of any value whatsoever. Shame on you terrible writers!

Halle Berry is a good actress. I'm not doubting or denying that. She fully deserved her Academy Award nomination and win for 2001's Monster's Ball, but something bad happened here. Her acting started awful and ended awful. I'm hoping the talents and reputation of Berry won't be harmed by her inadequate performance.

Now, My request to Halle Berry- Ms. Berry, I want my money back. I never thought I could see such a terrible performance from an Oscar winning actress. Maybe you were just doing your best with the material? But, you know, that really is not a valid excuse. After reading the screenplay, you should've thrown it in the face of the agent who dared display it to you. How could you not notice how awful it was? Make some better choices and hopefully your career won't plummet as so many others have.

I recall an interview with Ashley Judd, the original casting choice for Catwoman, who said something along the lines of, 'Turning down the role of Catwoman is one the things I regret the most.' Ashley, never say that again. You have only been saved by not appearing in this hilariously terrible film.

Listen people, don't waste your money on this glorified..er…um..crap. It's not worth the $6-$15 bucks!

So now you ask, why not just give it a zero? Why the zero-point five? Well, The editing was sufficiently bad; the acting of Alex Borstein could've possibly taken some effort, appropriately placed CGI's were okay, and I like cats.

Directing 0/10, Writing 0/10, Cinematography 0.5/10, Editing 1/10, Acting 0.5/10, Overall Satisfaction 0/10

Final- 0.5/10