Submarines

I read the comment about adding spoiler information but there is nothing I have to say that would spoil this for someone else - the director has already done it.

If you're a naive youngster wanting to see a submarine - go to a naval base. If you're a mindless... well, this is a poorly done soap opera done by someone that should have stayed a computer graphics artist.

I suspect the budget for this was around two hundred dollars. For two hundred and ten, they could have purchased a used Bluejacket's Manual to help them with the basic military ideas - of which they had none that were believable.

Invest your time in something else, such as ...anything.

This is, without question, the worst submarine movie that I have ever seen. They didn't even get the basics right. Enlisted men wearing gold dolphins and eating in the wardroom. enlisted and officer uniforms seemed to be interchangeable, officers in dungarees, for example. A Star Trek style sliding door to the conn. Enlisted women as part of the crew, and female officers long before they were ever allowed on submarines. As a submarine veteran, I couldn't get past all of that to pay any attention to the story. It was so bad that I couldn't even finish it. I'm 58, and there has only been one other movie in my lifetime that I didn't watch to the end.

I must admit I've only seen the first 15 minutes of the the movie, and believe me, it was enough!! A former crew member of USS SSBN Casimir Pulaski, speaking about "Crimson Tide", says that the film's director "chose to use a science fiction set designed by a twelve year old acid casualty". I can't imagine the age of the guy who designs "Submarines" sets, but I have no doubt about his brain damage: SEVERE. The situations, action and dialogs are also ridiculous. Is so difficult to take a look at military procedures, or watch some photos of the real thing when you try to make a film about submarines? Do they know Internet?

Calling this movie crap would be doing a disservice to crappy films. This is horrendous. From the very beginning you just know it has no direction and no soul. This is right out of the Chuck Norris school of unbearable, right wing, good v evil machismo movies. This makes Delta Force look like Saving Private Ryan. Illogical and poorly constructed plot, type cast pretty boys with no acting skills (but fit the costume), a hot,tough, woman who shouldn't even be on a submarine (with an even worse bad girl counterpart), bad accents, and models of submarines that looked like a 13 year old built them. This piece of (rhymes with hit) screams direct to video low budget where silk stalkings production value meets ridiculous and inaccurate military "thriller". Boring, dumb, formulaic, nonsensical, idiocy. Oh and great title, Submarines, really well thought out. No amount of weed or alcohol could make this trash watchable. Periscope up, thumbs down.

I found this movie so bad I threw up...twice. Why would anyone make a movie so lame? I have to wonder what happened at the premier for this movie; I bet the actors that played in it got so ridiculed and depressed that those that didn't gag to death on their own vomit went home and committed suicide.

I would write something concerning the plot if in fact there was one...Oh yeah a navy seal avoids getting blown up so he can cuss at a JAG officer who takes command of a crippled sub which subsequently save the universe from some bad guy or something. The acting wasn't as bad as the movie but that isn't saying a lot. I must, in fairness credit the actors for their composure and the fact that they didn't break out in fits of laughter at some of the lines...For instance...The sub gets hit by a torpedo in the port side bow and the damage report that was scripted stated that the top half of the conning tower got "blown up" during this dire announcement the camera panned the outside of vessel which clearly showed no damage to the conning tower. The only damage was a little scratch in the front of the vessel, pretty impressive for a sub to survive such an explosion. What a horrible, horrible movie.