Le ventre de la bête

STAR RATING:*****Unmissable****Very Good***Okay**You Could Go Out For A Meal Instead*Avoid At All Costs

In quite the most ground-breaking,inspired plot of recent years,Steven 'isn't-it-time-you-moved-over-to-Canderal?' Seagal plays Jake Hopper,an ex CIA operative who's now living a quiet existence as a surveillance expert.Then his daughter is kidnapped,along with another more prominent girl,by a terrorist organization called the Abu Karaf.Unless imprisoned members of the group are freed,they will both be killed.Henceforth,Hopper and his mate (that bloke out of Street Fighter) who's now living a quiet existence in a buddhist monastery set out to find them and settle the score with the bad guys.

"A father's rage knows no limit" boasts the tagline of Seagal's latest dud.Yes,a father's rage,conveyed with such over-whelming power,intensity and raw emotion by Steven Seagal in his most oscar worthy role yet.What better way to bring a father's venamous feelings to the surface than by having the camera lingering constantly on close-ups of your face and breathing rather heavily whenever an emotional scene emerges in the script.It's not just in said emotional scenes that ol' Stevey boy can be heard breathing rather heavily,however,but seemingly throughout large segments of the whole film,like a fat person would,which,along with the ridiculously over-the-top,unbelievable CGI fight scenes that he's far too fat and old to possibly be performing without the aid of a stunt double,just go to show how slow,wheazy and out of puff he is.Belly of the Beast is as dreadful a title as Out for a Kill,but it's a seemingly (and perhaps unwittingly) apt description of Seagal's present physical state.

But it's not just in the physical department that Seagal now needs aid,but,it would seem,in the verbal department too,with his voice quite glaringly dubbed in some parts (presumably he can't be bothered to even speak anymore).Maybe constantly receiving scripts as awful as this is making him lose the will to put any sort of effort in to his roles whatsoever.

I don't know what is becoming of Seagal or his films anymore.The majority of critics slammed all his work (bar Under Siege),even his early features,but I was able to see past them as more than just brainless action flicks churned out by the likes of Norris and Van Damme.True,his blatant lack of acting ability stood out perhaps even more so than his predecessors in all his films,but they usually,with the exception of Hard to Kill,at least seemed to contain some sort of underlying social message for us to consider whilst enjoying all the martial arts,explosions and gun-fire that was going on.Nowadays,though,they are just the opposite of that.They are just soulless,plotless drones of each other that the writers/producers cared nothing for and just made to see if they could grab a quick buck on the video market.

Belly of the Beast is as bad as Out for a Kill and The Foreigner before it (with or without Michael Oblowitz) and should be avoided accordingly.*

I cannot remember a recent "Steven Segal" movie in the cinema, or anywhere near publicised. The last one even close was "Half Past Dead", a mediocre yet fun action flick about Alacatraz if my memory serves correctly.

I rented "Belly of The Beast" for some Friday-night fun. And that is exactly what I got. Endlessly terrible and cheesy but fantastic at the same time, this is Steven Segal reaching new lo's in acting but highs in martial arts and action sequences. He kicks the hell out of anything he see's in bloodthirsty fashion, in some very inventive and surprisingly sadistic fashion (in one scene, he pushes a guy in hugely OTT fashion across a line of fish in ice-cubes into a meat hook- the '15' UK certificate is questionable). But still, this manages to be fun.

The plot is non-existent, as it turns in predictably bad fashion in any excuse to get Segal fighting, but this is hopeful- it proves this 50 year old overweight guy may have something left in him.

3 out of 5

First things first, I love the classic Seagal movies. I own every one on DVD from Above the Law to Exit Wounds. Since then, Seagal hasn't made one good film. I couldn't believe that his output had gotten so bad, so I was researching his stv output on IMDb and trying to see which one was the best of the trash pile. Lots of hardcore Seagal fans seemed to like this one, so I rented it. What a forgettable mess. There are little glimmers of hope here and there, but overall this is garbage. If this is good compared to his other films of the past four years, he's really in trouble. The only other STV Seagal films I've seen are "The Patriot": not bad but boring, and "The Foreigner": terrible. Steven, what's up man? Instead of making 10 bad movies a year, make one good one. And, I'm sorry man, but lose some weight, too.

Steven Seagal movies exist in a pop culture vacuum. They cannot be judged against any other films in existence. They're such an acquired taste that to compare them to movies with other actors is almost pointless. In a sense, Seagal movies are very nearly critic-proof. What can I do, complain that Ticker just wasn't on the same level as Jaws?

Anyway, if you've seen pretty much any other direct-to-video Seagal venture lately, you know exactly what this one is all about- a distant and emotionless man with a shady history must take the law into his own hands and rescue/avenge his wife/daughter/Neopet. The movie is virtually indistinguishable from others he's released in the last few years.

Honestly, if you played this film alongside The Foreigner and Out For a Kill, you'd have one hell of a time telling them apart. All of the usual elements are there: bad acting/dialog, distracting music, and annoying editing. Jesus, the editing... has the slow-bullet effect been exhausted yet? Has anyone NOT used this in a movie? It's only used once or twice in Belly of the Beast, but it's played out to a ridiculous point. I'm still waiting for the day when technology will have advanced far enough to enable Seagal to smile or even laugh with the help of CGI.

You already know if you'll like this movie or not, unless in the case that you haven't seen a Seagal movie. If this is true for you, go and find Out for Justice, Above the Law, or Marked for Death. Any of these are far preferable to this monumental waste of time.

From the director of Chinese Ghost Story and Naked Weapon (and collaborator in the action scenes from Hero and House of the Flying Daggers), we have a story about an ex-CIA agent who's daughter is kidnapped. Its not just any ex-CIA agent, but Steven Seagal. Yes !! Pony-tail is back, BACK WITH A VENGEANCE. (Sorry, I had to do that).

This is your typical action movie, usually based on some revenge/honor theme, where the hero has to take out dozens to hundreds of henchman and usually a "Boss" character, or several. The acting is atrocious and all we are left with is the action (and a lot of wire-work). Steven brought his typical dead-pan/Prozac acting along. This movie is not going to be on anybody's Christmas list, however, it is hysterical and very very light. I was laughing the whole way through the movie.

Steven Seagal is looking to do some major butt-kicking. Unfortunately, most of the serious butt-kicking is done by a much younger, thinner man (the stunt guy is actually wearing fake fat to look like Steven), who has a lot more physical talent than Steven had in his prime. This is further compounded by the fact that the stunt man performs stunts that Steven could never perform (jump kicks, jump spin kick, and all other stunts involving jumping high).

The movie seems to have been filmed entirely in Bangkok, Thailand and recruited what seems to be the entire cast of Onk Bak, minus Tony Jaa. The wheelchair boss and Don the drug dealer stand out in my mind.

There are somethings about the movie that bother me. Steven (who is the star of the movie) looks like he just woke up in Bangkok after weeks of binging on milkshakes and vodka, with no money and no change of clothes. He looks dirty and grimy. I wouldn't sit next to him on the subway if he looked like that. Next, what was up with the Steven's gun? He seemed to have a magic weapon. This weapon fires anywhere from 30-50 bullets and rarely needs another clip. Also Steven has become such a big star, he no longer needs to aim his weapon. He just fires in the general direction of his target. Steven's sex scene was certainly interesting. It made me quite nauseous. Shoving toothpicks under my fingernails is pleasurable as compared to watching Steven has sex. The cinematography was quite strange. I didn't realize the same guy who did certain Outer Limit and Star Trek episodes was still alive (tilt the camera 45 degrees). The wire action becomes ridiculous, especially when you are trying to make a somewhat realistic action movie (imagine what one would think if Tony Jaa jumped 10 feet straight in the air and did 2 full revolutions). I also like the variation on Thai boxing : Thai Transvestite Claws and High Heels Boxing. Not only that, what was the deal with all the mystical crap introduced 10 minutes before the end of the movie, complete with with a Thai Mako impersonator who had taken too much PCP ??

One may think from my review that I hated this movie. This is not true. This is the funniest movie I've seen since Shaun of the Dead, unfortunately that movie was trying to be funny. I do recommend this movie as a rental,a discount-bin purchase, or a late night cable session while completely wasted.

-Celluloid Rehab