I'm thrown for a loop trying to think of how to write a review for Charles Band's 2003 film "Puppet Master: The Legacy." I actually, honestly cannot think of a way to summarize it. I grew up watching copies of the earlier "Puppet Master" movies behind my parent's backs (they didn't approve of the gore until I was a teenager), so when I recently got the "Puppet Master" box-set as a nostalgic gift from my father, I popped this one in, thinking it would be an interesting film.
Oh... my... god.
Words cannot describe this movie.
"Puppet Master: The Legacy" is essentially a 15-minute long short film, that is padded with about an hour of footage from the previous films, as a character explains the plot of the series to another person. Yup, that's right... this is the horror movie equivalent of a sitcom clip-show. You know? Those lame episodes where the producers would run out of money and just string together a series of clips from prior episodes, with a lame bookend scene of the characters recalling the old clips? This movie is one of those!
And what makes it even sadder- the "story" that is used to string together the clips is one of the most poorly written, insanely plotted and hilariously cheaply-shot "plots" I've ever seen.
The abundance of old footage actually serves two purposes, to actually be fair. One- for the reason I stated above, to give the producers fodder to release a new DVD of this awful clip-show, and Two- to try and fix a few continuity problems that existed within the series. This film does this by making the overall plot even MORE confused and convoluted (so now the first film is technically the third film, and the second film is technically the eighth film?), and by flat-out disrespecting characters and ideas from previous entries. (Including a moment where the main character from the fourth and fifth film is killed by a single line of dialog- our villain says: "Oh, I uh... killed him." and that's it. So disrespectful to the fans.)
The plot of the new footage is this- a man named Eric Weiss (unknown actor who we'll never hear from again) is captured by some rogue agent chick named Maclain (unknown actress who we'll never hear from again) who forces him to tell her the story of the puppets from the movies. That's it. It's stupid.
The kicker is that the new footage doesn't even try to LOOK good. It's some of the laziest, cheapest footage I've ever seen. It looks like it was filmed on an 80's VHS camcorder, the lighting is abysmal, there is no real set-decoration or design to speak of, and the acting is hilariously bad.
As a fan of the series, this film just felt like a cheap, cash-grabbing insult. This is a 1 out of 10, plain and simple. (Yet somehow isn't as bad as the pain-inducing "Puppet Master VS Demonic Toys." Saw that once about five years ago, and it still makes me angry.)
