Le Tueur de Noël

Well, the freaking Holidays are coming up again and, since you can't watch Dickens' "Christmas Carol" every damn year, the lowest shelf of your local videostore might offer some variety! This is where you're most likely to find "Santa's Slay"; a pleasantly deranged and hugely entertaining new horror comedy stuffed with season's beatings and blood-red nosed...buffaloes! As from Christmas 2005, Santa is no longer the chubby bringer of joy and presents, but once again the sadistic and HO-HO-HO-Horrendous offspring of Satan he was thousand years ago, until losing a bet against an good-hearted angel. After a couple of pointless but hilarious stops to slaughter annoying sitcom actors like Fran Drescher and Chris Kattan, the mad as hell Santa heads for the township of Hell (which really exists, only it's a Norway) to take revenge on the clever angel – who became human in the meantime – and his faggoty grandson. "Santa's Slay" is a very untraditional horror-holiday movie, with a really stupid plot and lousy gore effects, but you can't help laughing at wrestling legend Bill Goldberg in the role of baddest Santa. And even though he won't win any Academy Awards anytime soon, he's certainly a lot better/cooler than his colleague Hulk Hogan was in "Santa With Muscles". He and gorgeous Emilie De Ravin are the only cast members worth mentioning, by the way, as the male leads are embarrassingly weak. Especially that Douglas Smith boy! He's only fit to play the high-school nerd, but not as a battler against evil demons. "Santa's Slay" is an insignificant but FUN b-movie with some inventive killings, tongue-in-cheek humor, gorgeous strippers and exploding children! Enjoy.

I was confused when I saw this movie. Santa (Bill Goldberg) is the son-of-Satan and is out to scare children after a thousand years of imprisonment. he is killing for no other reason then to kill. Standing in his way is the man who imprisoned him to serve the children, Grandpa (Robert Culp) and his grandson Nicholas (Douglas Smith).

For some odd reason, Santa finds the oddest way of killing people: lighting people on fire with coal, choking them with a wreath, or just running them over with his reindeer. For two hours or so we watch two stupid teenagers run around and hide, finally leading to a rocket launcher blowing up a reindeer.

In the end I was just like WTF. I was confused, lost, and a little humored by the movie. The fight scenes with Goldberg are pretty cool and sometimes he does act well. In the end, the film doesn't make any sense, it's stupid, but it's pretty funny when you don't care what you're watching. Seeing Goldberg actually try to act is hilarious but some of his lines did make me laugh and in the end did give a convincing performance. The best was the giant reindeer. that pulled his sled.

If you watch it, don't expect a masterpiece, actually don't expect much at all. Just watch it for the action, not the story.

Santa's Slay. Starring: Robert Culp, bill Goldberg, Douglas Smith, and Emilie de Ravin.

2 1/2 out of 5 Stars.

One of the greatest Christmas movies EVER! Up there with Scrooged and Die Hard. I rented this film with my buddies on a lark. We were expecting to laugh at how bad it was but we were amazed to find that we were actually laughing at all the right parts. Actually we were laughing the entire way through. We kept having to ask each other what that last line of dialog was because we missed it. Great gags, some fantastic cameos, and a Jewish wrestler playing Santa Claus.

I'd only hold two things against it, those being: (1) the lead actor (Douglas Smith) - he was a little weak and (2)the CG could've benefited from some more expense. Otherwise this is a brilliant film. Santa's Slay is the first film to honor the truly great sport of curling. A flying bison, Goldberg, strippers, and Caulk jokes. Plus swearing children and swearing old ladies. A new holiday tradition.

It turns out there were 2 Immaculate Conceptions: One was Jesus and one was Santa Claus. One day, Santa loses a bet with an angel and must play nice for 1000 years (this part was told in stop motion animation). Well, his punishment is up and he's here to wreck havoc. Only an old inventor, his grandson "Nicholas Yuleson", and girlfriend "Mary" (played by Emilie de Ravin) can stop him.

This film takes a fun look at the Holidays with the blackest of black humor. It opens with Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart, Fran Drescher, and James Caan getting slaughtered by Santa. There are countless of other cameos strewn throughout the movie. Oh, and did I mention that WWE wrestler Bill Goldberg is playing Santa and doing his own stunts? And that Brett Ratner (Rush Hour 1-3, X-Men 3) produced this?

There is much fun to be had here such as Santa beating up Christmas Carolers, kids running from Santa on snow mobiles, and a Jew holding up the Star of David to Santa (similar to a cross to a Vampire) in hopes his faith would save him. You will see a candy cane in the eye, a Christmas star in the back, Santa's sleigh getting valet parking, and some Ho-Ho-Hoes in stripper attire.

The production values were very high and it looks as though it was shot on 35mm. They had great props like a Santa's Slay driven by a yak/ buffalo (?). The sound varied a bit during dialogue-heavy and action-heavy scenes, which caused me to raise and then lower the volume a few times.

I only have two minor gripes. While there is a high body count, they skimp on the gore. The film overall is more comedic than scary, so Gorehounds will not be as amused.

Another thing was girlfriend Mary's personality inconsistencies. (Yes, I pay attention to character development even in horror films). They show her as a strong woman driving a big truck, shooting guns, and putting her boyfriend's hands on her breasts. But once Santa arrives, she can only whine about how scared she is. She even pulls out the Stupid Card by stopping dead in her tracks while in the middle of a getaway to talk to her boyfriend about her feelings.

Favorite Quote: A few good ones, but my favorite was when Nicholas shines a flashlight in Santa's eyes temporarily blinding him and Santa yells, "I'm Santa Claus, not f*cking Dracula!"

DVD Extras: Scene Selection, Audio Set Up, Deleted Scenes, Casting, "Taking the Reins" (Steiman's First Film), 2 Easter Eggs (one features 6 trailers), and of course Commentary with the Director and Producer. This explained how Goldberg met his wife. She was a stunt double for the trapeze stripper in pasties whose crotch his face was buried in for 4 days. Duh. How else would they have fallen in love?

Bottom Line: Good for some laughs, but minimal gores/sex. Best viewing with friends and beer.

Rating: 7/10

Molly Celaschi www.HorrorYearbook.com MySpace.com/HorrorYearbook

Santa's Slay (2005)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Turns out Santa was actually the son of Satan who lost a bet to an angel that forced him to be "good" for a thousand years. Time is up so Santa (Bill Goldberg) goes back to being bad by killing as many people as he can but it's up to a loser (Douglas Smith), his girlfriend (Emile de Ravin) and his wacky grandfather (Robert Culp) to try and save the day. If you're looking for high art then you're not going to find it here but if you're looking for a black comedy that isn't afraid to offend then this one here is just for you. When you see Bill Goldberg on a cover dressed as Santa then you're probably expecting something very stupid and bad but it turned out that this is a rather clever little movie that works well if you know what you're getting into. This movie isn't trying to be anything ground breaking but instead it just wants to make you laugh. The film opens up with a hilarious spoof of happy families as James Caan and Fran Drescher play the parents to some ungrateful kids (Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart) and Santa soon shows up to teach them a lesson. Other victims including a cussing old lady, a Jewish store owner and we even get some Amish folks who show up. When people think of killer Santa movies they usually think of SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT. Those who found that movie to be too mean spirited will find the complete opposite here because the movie pokes fun at a lot of people and subjects but it's done in good fun. One of the best moments happen when a preacher asks his people for dollar bills and then after the service he goes to a strip club where of course Santa shows up. I was really surprised to see how many known faces are on hand here in small roles. It was fun seeing Caan and Drescher in the opening bit and Robert Culp is always entertaining. Saul Rubinek and Dave Thomas are on hand as well. de Raven is very good in her role as the girlfriend and helps keep the film moving. Goldberg gets to show some of his famous wrestling moves and he handles the part quite nicely. He's certainly not worthy of an Oscar but he looks just right for a crazy Santa. There's some pretty good gore scattered throughout as well. SANTA'S SLAY isn't the greatest movie ever made but it's a pretty good little gem that manages to make you laugh and it's certainly something different from your typical Christmas flick.