- Ricky: Fuck this court. Fuck Jim Lahey. Fuck Randy. Fuck those two idiot cops right there. Fuck suit dummies; as a matter of fact fuck legal aid. Fuck Danny and Terry's Buffalo Chicken Wings. Fuck all the old wood in here. Fuck the moon, fuck corn on the cob, fuck squirrels. Fuck me, fuck you, fuck everything!
- Lucy: Ricky, I don't love Sonny.
- Ricky: I don't love him either. I think he's a fucking dick.
- Bubbles: Delicate Ricky, delicate... Thats blue dye under pressure! That whore blows and we all look like those blue, bald headed dicks that beat the drums.
- Bubbles: [after Lucy flashes her implants to the crowd] What a greasy horror show...
- Bubbles: [terrified & being chased by a police chopper] THERES A HELLACOCKSUCKER BEHIND US!
- Bubbles: Ricky, I think you might have hurt Corey and Trevor's feelings there!
- Ricky: Bubbles, look at them. They're the stupidest fuck-giraffes in the dumb-dumb salad.
- Bubbles: Fuck giraffes?
- [from trailer]
- Bubbles: We're going to have to play ourselves boys. I'm going have to be to be Bubbles in the movie.
- Julian: These people are terrible.
- Ricky: What if I want to be Bubbles?
- Julian: You're going to play yourself. Think, okay. You're going to be Ricky.
- Bubbles: Now you're being a dick right now. You do just that.
- Bubbles: [to Julian, while he's talking to Ricky on his cell phone] Should you be on the phone with him if he's masturbating?
- Bubbles: Boys do you think there's something fucking wrong with ten thousand people seeing us doing this and taking pictures, maybe?
- Ricky: I knew it. You're attracted to Julian.
- Donny: I'm not attracted to Julian, I'm attracted to his-
- [stops himself, clears throat]
- Donny: I'm not attracted to Julian.
- Ricky: You just gotta make sure the cops don't get your prescription, cause once they have your prescription, you're fucked!
- Bubbles: [afer smelling a kitty that spent the night in ricky's car] Ricky! Smell him! He smells like cigarettes!
- Ricky: [Smells kitty] Yeah he does smells like cigarettes a bit I guess.
- Bubbles: Kitties aren't supposed to smell like cigarettes, they're supposed to smell like kitties!
- Ricky: Suck it Donny!
- Donny: You suck it Ricky, MORE!
- Ricky: What the fuck kind of comeback was that? You said the same thing thing that I said, but you just added 'more' to it.
- Donny: No! More! You suck it more!
- Ricky: You're a fuckin' dick!
- Bubbles: Chicken and bangin'. That's nice...
- Ricky: Do you want to take it to Fucktown Lahey? Cause that's where this is headed: Downtown Fucktown!
- Bubbles: No Mr. Lahey, PLEASE, we don't want to go to Fucktown!
- Bubbles: God, this place makes me frisky!
- Ricky: Can I please go to jail for a week to play hockey?
- Ricky: [from trailer] What kind of English is that?
- Bubbles: He's speaking Spanish Ricky.
- Ricky: Boy here let's clear something up. Is it galapeno or halapeno?
- Hispanic Auditionee: It's jalapeño.
- Ricky: No, it's galapeno. Next.
- Minister: We are gathered here today to witness the holy matrimony of two people, Richard and Lucy, who have decided to write their own vows.
- Ricky: Thank you, your honor.
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