When We Were Bullies

And mine is one of them. This film was manipulative and dishonest. Much like bullies themselves. It is revealing that the director did not choose to actually talk with anyone about schoolyard bullying. Avoidance of responsibility and consequences color this project throughout.

There was no deep meaning to be gleaned from this story. The ego of the filmmaker and those who participated were dismissive of their own actions while trying to shift blame away from these animals.

There was one woman (with a c) interviewed who claimed to feel guilty while smiling and laughing through her entire interview. She seemed particularly proud of herself.

You can easily sum up this very bad movie when at the end of the film the director says..."felt bad for the way you were treated" instead of "felt bad for the way WE treated you." What a joke.

I'll start off to say at the outset that I was bullied relentlessly in school. The first observation I have is that I turned out ok, and I have a good life. I've been successful. The second observation I have is that, despite my adaptation, the bullying I experienced affects me negatively to this day. Both of these are true. What's more, I've talked to some of my childhood bullies now that we're 30+ years away from the incidents, and I've enjoyed getting their perspective on these things. It also helps, weirdly, that some of them have apologized.

So, that's my perspective, and I feel it's a complete perspective because it involves everyone who was actually involved, and it processes the emotions we all feel for this. I feel that in a lot of ways I've been able to process the situation I was in, and I've also been able to help others process their involvement, by hearing their apologies in most cases, and also forgiving. I mean, that isn't what I set out to do, but it's a healing process and for me it works.

This documentary doesn't do that. For some reason, it sticks strictly to the perspective of the bullies, interviewing them at various points, and so along with the documentarian, we get the perspective of the classmates involved in a vicious bullying incident to which most of them were involved.

The documentarian decided to pass on including the bullied kid. His reasoning was shallow at best -- he seems not to have wanted to portray the victim of bullying as having been able to get past his experiences and to become successful. There are so many things wrong with that approach, but the first is that the documentarian is seeking to portray a preferred reality rather than the reality as it exists outside of his head -- that reality being his preference not to "minimize" his bullying by showing a person who came out of it able to function and function well. Like it or not, that IS the reality in this case, and it shouldn't be dodged.

The second reason is related to the first, in that, by excluding the victim for that reason, he has missed possibly seeing the intricacies that go beyond simply how successful the man was in life. Being someone who is also successful in life, I can tell you that doesn't mean that the feelings were not necessary to process, and the contact with past bullies has helped me in ways even I didn't expect. That would have been the way to approach this -- but the documentarian took the easy way out. Imagine going all the way to Florida to visit the elderly teacher to discuss the incident in question, an incident she doesn't even remember, but not including the victim of the bullying. It's just a weird step to take, and the reasoning used simply sounds, feels, and tastes like a copout.

I spend most of my time watching documentaries. It's really one of the few types of television I watch. I've noticed that documentaries more and more attempt to portray from facts to a desired conclusion rather than present the facts for a clear conclusion, and editing is the chief tool in making this happen. So I realize this is technically what most documentaries have become, but I think there's a fine line somewhere that this one crossed that others have not. It crossed from documentary into docudrama without actually saying so, and the documentarian crossed from documentarian to the broader category of filmmaker, or even entertainer. Unfortunately, I cannot really recommend the result.

"I don't think anyone is going to want to watch your movie because it could be very tedious and boring."

Spot on granny. Spot on.

I like documentaries, but this...why was it made? Because someone had a feeling once.

Edit: killercola suggested that my review was disingenuous because I was a victim of bullying. Since they are reviewing the reviewers, I feel inclined to comment.

You are damn right I'm angry. But that doesn't make my experience watching this film any less honest. And just because I disagree with point of the film, doesn't mean I don't understand it.

It is shameful that the film maker made a documentary that heavily involved a person, but failed to seek comment from that person. If he was genuinely concerned it would trigger him, he wouldn't release the film without his permission in the first place.

If you feel this is a 9 out of 10, good for you. I'm not going to suggest your experience was dishonest, please lend others the same courtesy.

Original review:

Guy suddenly remembers he bullied someone, and makes the story all about himself, and makes a career from it.

No genuine remorse comes across to me.

Tries to justify his actions, to the point it becomes propaganda... 'boys will be boys'.. 'hardwired to attack the vulnerable'

Plus, so BORING. There's no real insight, and I don't include 'we kids were cruel cos we were kids'.

How it got an Oscar nomination is beyond me.