Canvas of Blood

Young Julia (Jennifer Hutt) is a promising prodigy on the violin, but a cyst on her hand is causing her pain. The moronic doctor (Michael Mann) who operates on her botches the procedure, and leaves her with a paralyzed hand. He then conspires with a sleazy ambulance-chasing lawyer (Andy Colvin) and a pompous judge (J. Michael Lawlor) to screw over the poor girl and her dad. Now, the dad (Jack McClernan) is a Vietnam vet with a disabled hand who knows how to affix prosthetic devices to this hand to dispense some brutal justice.

"Canvas of Blood" is very typical for this kind of micro-budget, regional film-making. The acting is cheesy, the dialogue hilariously dumb, the bargain basement gore is fun, and the music ranges from being not TOO bad to being excessively awful. And the music is pretty constant, too....

Although a terrible film objectively speaking, it is at least VERY amusing in its ineptitude and tackiness. It's too hard not to laugh at this nonsense. Everything about it stinks, but at least I can say that the victims ultimately get exactly what they deserve - ESPECIALLY Julia's scuzzy ex-fiancee (Mark Frear). And the steady supply of T & A should satisfy some viewers.

One clue to how inane this whole thing is: there is actually a character named Dick Noggin.

Five out of 10.