You Hurt My Feelings

It was hard to figure out what exactly the takeaways were from this casually paced 2023 comedy, but director/screenwriter Nicole Holofcener appears to prefer it that way because she has a uniquely ramshackle way of depicting the messiness of life through her comically flawed characters. The meandering plot focuses on a tightly knit group of upscale Manhattan narcissists basking in a culture of positivity only to fall apart when each is confronted with honesty. That's what happened to the central couple when Beth, a marginally successful novelist, finds out her failing therapist husband Don hates her latest book draft but doesn't have the temerity to tell her. Julia Louis-Dreyfus starred in Holofcener's superior "Enough Said" and plays the novelist here with her trademark wit intact. The rest of the expert cast perform in a typical Woody Allen-like deadpan manner including Jeannie Berlin as Beth's irascible mother and Michaela Watkins (she reminds me of Kathryn Hahn) as Beth's acerbically evasive decorator sister.

The issue of how we, if not lie, fib to our loved ones in order to either spare their feelings or be supportive. And the consequences of that well-intentioned lack of honesty are thoughtfully dramatized, as are the family dynamics between spouses, parents and children, and siblings. But even at a short (by today's standards) 90 minutes, the movie feels overlong, and while there is an occasional laugh, the entertainment quotient is disappointingly low given the talents of the parties involved. Bottom line: a worthwhile watch if one's expectations are very measured. And much more of a family drama than a comedy.

You Hurt my Feelings tells the story of a long-standing couple that risks breaking up when Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) a struggling novelist, finds out that her husband Don (Tobias Menzies) never actually liked her new unpublished novel but always told her otherwise.

The film is at its best when it captures the intimacy of a middle-aged couple, and a form of unwavering love that, albeit a bit dispassionate, is evidently honed through many years of life together and complicity. The best scene is probably at the center of the film that shows the two characters confessing their white lies (such as never liking each other's presents) to each other on their couch, in a light tone.

Ultimately, the film is about how white lies are the oil that enable relationships -and indeed society- to work. Whether it's an opinion on a book you didn't like, a statement on how your partner looks after surgery or the hiding of a sweater at a goodwill event so it will not be taken, white lies make society livable and give people zones of personal freedom that make life more gentle. In contrast, the character of Beth's mom, who role models a life of unfiltered honesty, shows how unbearable, antisocial and dysfunctional that behavior can be.

Unfortunately, the film also spends a bit too much time depicting how much New Yorkers love themselves. Where they shop, where they have lunch, their bookstores, their expensive furniture stores. All of the staples of the stereotypical New York neighborhood are checked like so many boxes. As is the constant flow of words from the New Yorkers themselves, mixing erudition with profanity in a very "big apple" way. However hard it may be for New Yorkers to hear, most of us really don't care that much about their lifestyle.

Overall, however, the film is original, memorable and well acted, and it states a point of view about society and humanity that is both different and intriguing.

Well, I sat down for this one trusting A24, and it delivered more than what I asked for. It's a pretty simple drama alright, with conflicts not carrying the greatest of stakes. There's a sense of softness to the leads here, and they are, by nature, "good people". While it wouldn't have worked if that aspect was shoved down our throats, but the writing is careful when it comes to its subtleties. The lead performances are also great; the relationship equations between Beth and Don, Beth and Sarah, Mark and Sarah, the daughters' relationship with their mother, the couple's relationship with their young son - each of these were adequately portrayed. I loved the few scenes featuring the feisty, opinionated, and encouraging mother (Jeannie Berlin).

The other beautiful scene is the one where the couple resolve their key issue, and the dialogues are especially well-written in this portion. It's a realization that shared journeys (of life) mean a lot more than individual journeys. It's natural for spouses to think that they're unconditionally supporting each other in their efforts, but sometimes, it's difficult to convey your opinion without even hurting them in the slightest. All that said, there were a few elements that didn't exactly work, such as the badly sketched robbery scene and the one where Don randomly suggests a solution to a patient's family issue. But that shouldn't stop you from checking the film out. It has Julia LD reuniting with writer-director Nicole Holofcener after Enough Said, in a very candid role.

You seem to so often see in reviews a statement along the lines of "don't believe the low scores" when there is a generalised trashing of a film. You watch the film based on the fairly sane sounding good reviews and find indeed it wasn't really bad at all.

Everyone's taste is their own and I wouldn't want to watch films like this everyday but it's a delightful, slow-paced, droll, witty and warm delight.

There's no killer plot but it's not saccharin either. The characters are warm and quirky, the humour wry and knowing. People had fun, me included, no-one was hurt.

Really good effort, like a good evening with friends.

Recommended.