Sharktopus

Story, which is stupid and so un-original, you can read in other reviews and in plot-section. It is however very stupid and not worth of mention. Actually, think about word "Sharktopus" just for second. Yes, it is some secret government project which went wrong. That's all you need to know about story.

Acting? Visual/audio effects? Comedy? Fear? All together, very low. But that is thing you know as well.

The reason why I review this title is simple. I'm big fan of low-budget-so-bad-its-good movies. This is bad, cheap, but simply, not bad enough. Seems weird? Well, acting is not that bad, there are no very obvious movie goofs, there is some cliché in story but not much, anyway, it is bad, very bad movie, but trust me, for making-fun-of with your friends, better buy some cheap Asylum movie.

A half-shark, half-octopus creature created for the military, creates a whole lot of terror in Mexico while a scientist (Eric Roberts) who helped created it tries to capture/kill it.

I had just about as high of expectations and anticipation as one could possibly muster for this film. I received word roughly two months in advance that I would be receiving the Blu-ray and I checked my mailbox day in and day out, eagerly awaiting its arrival. I knew it was going to be bad, but I wanted to savor its badness. And the more I waited, the more I wanted it... and what I got was far worse than anything I could have ever imagined.

There are some things I could say nice about he film. Eric Roberts is decent, there is an "epic beard man" whose facial hair puts mien to shame. The film is not scary, but it made three cats on my girlfriend's couch jump, so that has to count for something... but that is about all.

There are bad special effects, of course -- and it almost seems like they are embracing it. The smart move is to show a creature as little as possible in a horror film, especially when the makeup or effects are not great. Here the effects are among the worst I have ever seen on SyFy, and they still felt the need to show the sharktopus early and often.

There is also terrible acting, with actors who can only deliver lines in a choppy monotone. I think some of them do not speak English and are reading their lines phonetically. But it is hard to tell, and maybe this was just the best cast they could get. One character, Bones the camera man, is covered in fake tattoos. They could not find one bad actor with real tattoos?

Should I classify this as one of those films that is "so bad it's good"? I do not think so. Maybe if you are really drunk, kicking back some bottles of Pabst Blue Ribbon with some buddies, making fun of it... it might be tolerable. But under no condition could this ever be seen as "good".

Thanks are given in the credits to Gabriel Cowan, the director of "Breathing Room" and "Growth"... why? Aside from Roger Corman and Eric Roberts, Cowan is the only remotely famous or successful person associated with this project -- but what did he do to get thanked?

If there is anything redeeming about this film at all, it is that the disc comes with an audio commentary from producer Roger Corman. Corman is, obviously, a legend in the horror and science fiction genres. So to hear him talk over the movie is a nice treat. But, if you think he can make a bad film good or justify its creation, you would be wrong. Not a film to see under any circumstances... I would rather see "Raptor Island" again.

I have seen better acting in a high school play rehearsal. Cheesy actors (no-names with nothing to their credit, for the most part), cheesy "special effects," (if you can even call them that), cheesy story (some sort of history of the creature that is only vaguely explained), horrible attempts at humor (especially when people get attacked by the creature), cheesy creature (half octopus and half shark -- really?), and cheesy creature "action." You can actually tell without any stretch of the imagination that it's similar to claymation in front of a green screen -- and not very good animation, either. I mean, really? Was this a 6th grade video project? Eric Roberts must be just one step above destitute to have signed to to this horrible production. We should all send him $5 so he doesn't have to do another one like that. Horrible. Just horrible.

This is not a horror or an action sci-fi movie. It is a comedy, but not your normal kind of comedy that you are used to seeing. There are no crazy characters or silly jokes. The real joke is in the acting, the directing, production design etc. Sharktopus was made to be terrible so the audience will laugh at how bad it is.

I don't understand why people take this movie seriously. With a title like sharktopus how could you? The plot is that a team of father and daughter marine biologists create a half shark, half octopus to use as a weapon for the navy. Then the remote control mechanism is knocked off and the Sharktopus goes on a killing rampage. Captian Jack (the creator of sharktopus) highers Andy Flynn, a Iraq war veteran, to capture the monster. But when Andy nearly gets killed and looses two of his friends he vows revenge.

There you have it. This is not suppose to be the next Jaws or even Deep Blue Sea. This is more along the lines of Maga Shark vs. Gaint Octopus. The director told the actors to be wooden and show very little emotion. The actors wheren't trying to win a Oscar, they wanted a Razzie. I just wish that actors would react to seeing the killings. When ever someone is eaten or torn apart in the movie who ever was witnessing it didn't react. They just stand there with a stupid look on their face. At least scream or try to help the victim. The production is minimal. The props appear to be objects the actors brought from home. The special effect are also bad with Sharktopus constantly changing size. In one scene he's big enough to eat VW Bug, in a later scene he is as big as a human. There are also scenes where the monster is walking out on land. Now I am not a marine biologist, but I am pretty sure that sharks or octopuses can't survive outside of water. Another thing that bothered me was that one of the characters who was named Nicole had some moral hang ups about her father altering the mind of Sharktopus. It is a genetically engineered monster, what does it matter if it mind is tampered with? If you watch this with a critic's state of mind you will hate this movie. In order to enjoy it loosen up and get a sense of humor.

Compared to Scy-Fy Channel's other original movies this is the best. Instead of being serious and trying scare the audience. Sharktopus is made to make you laugh. I rated this on level of how entertained I was while watching and gave it a 7 out of 10. Now if I where to rate it based on acting, directing, camera work, etc. Then I would give it a 2 out of 10.

Perhaps I have been hoodwinked. Mega Piranha resparked my love of shonky B Movies like the adrenalin shot Vincent Vega gave Mia Wallace, and I immediately sought other examples.

I unfortunately forgot that adrenalin shots are not Plan A, B or C, but to paraphrase Earl Bassett in Tremors "something you do when a plan fails".

How's that I just referenced two 10 out of 10 movies to help me describe a 4 / 10 crapfest!

As good as Mega Piranha was in being enjoyably terrible Sharktopus is at being normally terrible – and the truth is both beasts (films) are only 5% different.

Sharktopus is an army funded genetically engineered amalgam of shark and octopus – if you couldn't have worked that out for yourself. It seems a little unfair to give the most efficient and dangerous underwater predator an eight leg up but they did it anyway.

(One thing I can't deny is that it would actually be a way more efficient predator given 8 legs!)

The sharktopus has a large helmet strapped to it that conveys electrical impulses sent by its scientist creators, this keeps it on the straight and narrow. Calamari control if you will.

No prizes for guessing what happens to the helmet?

...

Once free of control Sharktopus heads down the coast for some sun, surf and supper. Using the new octopian improvements and its sheer sharkiness – they can make up words so can I – it wreaks havoc on dozens of bikini clad terrible actors all the way to Mexico.

Back in the lab lead scientist Nathan Sands (Eric Roberts – he should ask his sister for some money and avoid these films) knows the risks and sends two more over-actors to recapture the beast… in some sort of seafood basket I would expect.

The pair are his daughter Nicole (who does little but tap away at a laptop and look worried) and a staff member he fired named Andy (who also seems terribly ill-equipped for the job).

Various kooky cats get involved including a hungry reporter and her reluctant cameraman, a crazy local drunk and dozens of dozens of middling bikini chicks. One thing I will say is that for a TV movie there was much cleavage and flesh on display – all PG stuff I assure you – none of it is A-for-Alba Grade but I appreciate the effort and acknowledgment of the inevitable viewing audience, it sure wasn't my wife who put Sharktopus on the DVD pile.

Anyway the entire movie should revolve around the beast so let's expand on Sharktopus. Aside from the afore mentioned enhancements the tentacles mean that ol' Sharkey can now walk on land – funny I never saw an octopus do that – it is obviously a cheap FX job and when walking looks like an overly elaborate hood ornament.

The CGI is also distracting in that it pops out of the screen rather than blending in, meaning it is hard to take the shark/octopus hybrid seriously… did I just really write that?

Let's put a bow on this sucker: While the CGI is better than Mega-Piranha it lacks the same clumsy charm, everything here comes off as calculated and try hard where the giant exploding fish film was cheese personified.

All the deaths are the same:

Bikini clad bad actor (BCBA) noticing,

BCBA wondering,

BCBA looks surprised (and often slightly in the wrong direction),

Tentacles appear.

Dead.

Final Rating – 4 / 10. As a guy I appreciate the inclusion of some T&A, even in the form of average women in bikinis and zero nudity. But it's the other T&A that better describes Sharktopus: Tedious & Amateurish.

This is no Mega Piranha, when given the choice I can't impress just how much better that is than this film. Where Mega Piranha was ridiculously terrible, this is just terrible.