Titanic II

This was the worst piece of television I have ever seen. Shane Van Dyke was having a laugh when he made this. The effects were a total joke, looked like a PC game from about 10 years ago. The story was madness (an 800mph tsunami forces an iceberg into the path of the titanic). James Cameron must have been laughing his head off. Acting was awful, can't believe any actors would star in this film even for money. If you have 2 hours of your life you don't want to get back, you should watch this film. Almost so bad it's actually good. I hope they don't consider a titanic 3 because that would really be a disgrace to the film industry.

Be warned that this is probably the worst movie ever made. At least it gave a good actor, Bruce Davison, employment. Nice concept, but so poorly made that you understand immediately that the makers knew zero about the 1912 Titanic and cared even less. With an obvious low budget, the movie made use of the 1930's Queen Mary permanently moored at Long Beach, CA. But, 1912 maritime design is very different from 1930s maritime design as was White Star Line, (Titanic), to Cunard Line, (Queen Mary). Shots included the sea wall enclosing the Queen Mary, rust on the railings of this "brand new Titanic II", and red funnels when the original Titanic had yellow funnels, (which they corrected within the movie and then went back to red funnels). Some scenes showed the ship with three funnels, some scenes she had four funnels. One of the best, laughable scenes was the cast running down into the "engine room" with concrete walls!!!? The Titanic II sailed with the name emblazoned on it's bow, then the name was gone, then it was back again? Where were the continuity people? Or could they not afford to employ them. The score even had slight reminisces of the movie Titanic's score in a shameful attempt to piggy-back on the success of the James Cameron movie. Gives new meaning to unoriginal and predictable. Do yourself a favor. Skip this movie. It's not even good trash.

This has to be one of the best worst films of all time. I have seen better special effects in Boris Karloff films and that is when Boris Karloff was a young man. Some of the iceberg scenes must have been shot by somebody in a bathtub/Jacuzzi having a few jars, spilled his/her ice cubes and then took a few snaps with a mobile phone. I am delighted I saw this film, I am getting great 'mileage' out of reading the reviews to my wife, I have to stop every now and again of course because the pain in our sides from uncontrolled laughing is nearly as bad as having appendicitis. I always thought Bob Hope, Danny Kaye, and Gerry Lewis starred in some of the funniest movies ever made, I was right up until now. I hope your readers find this review helpful.

I think my title says it all - this alleged movie is so inept, so cheaply made and so poorly written and acted that I'm not sure anyone could find nice things to say about it. I could almost understand this blatant rip-off of James Cameron's film if it had been made in 1997 or 1998; at that time, all you had to do was to say "Titanic" and people automatically reached for their wallets. But this is thirteen years later, and there's just no excuse for what is on the screen here. Horrendous CG (the birds in 'Birdemic' are masterpieces compared to some of what's in 'Titanic II'), goshawful acting (the guy who played Maine should have been billed as Ed Wooden), and a general contempt for the audience make this one a must-miss. On the evidence of this film, inmates are definitely running The Asylum.

The opening credits were fairly sparse and went by nicely, and the ending credits had many words and names. I noticed most of the words were also spelled correctly. In between the beginning and ending credits there was a bunch of stuff that really could have been cut from the movie. Many of the scenes had people in them, and were in color. They exist in a sort of Adventure Time universe where reality is constantly changing - either that or the plot make no sense. No spoilers here, it's what the title implies: ship driving around the ocean, bashes into a big hunk of ice while frantically driving away from it, and hilarity ensues. If this was a high school project, I would say it deserved at least a B. As long as it wasn't a senior high school project.

Funniest quote: "The lifeboats are death traps!" - said by a guy in a chopper who obviously knew this in advance.