Nine

When I saw the movie poster I just had to see it, although I knew the movie was going to be very, very bad.

But even these low expectation were to high, this was terrible.

Look, Ghana has a booming movie industry, they shoot like 200 episodes for 200 different series every day and they are very well watched and rated, some already run for years.

And for their level of professionalism, about 50 years behind Hollywood, it is not bad and I know in Ghana this movie will be well received and get good ratings, but if you are costumed to the western standard it really is unwatchable.

One scene I almost soiled myself from laughing, when they showed some sort of crime board and it was just so ridiculous, of boy.

Nine is a gripping thriller set in Ghana, blending mystery and supernatural elements seamlessly. The story follows a forensic consultant and a US homicide detective as they investigate a series of ritualistic murders linked to a dark prophecy. As they uncover shocking secrets, the tension builds, keeping you on the edge of your seat. With stellar performances and a captivating plot, Nine is a must-see for fans of suspenseful, thought-provoking films. A powerful combination of culture, horror, and suspense that makes for an unforgettable experience. I thoroughly enjoyed the writing, and the director's work was exceptional as well.

Rating Breakdown: Story - 0.75 :: Direction - 1.25 :: Pacing - 1.00 :: Performances - 0.75 :: Entertainment - 1.00 :::: TOTAL - 4.75/10

Some films have great ideas but fumble their execution like a nervous teenager on a first date. This is one of them. A dark fantasy horror that teases intrigue but delivers confusion, it struggles with underdeveloped characters, a half-baked plot, and a final battle so underwhelming that even the film itself seems eager to move on.

Written by Briana Cole and Erica Joy, the script refuses to give us much-needed backstory. Why is the church involved? What is the true purpose of these supernatural warriors? The film shrugs at these questions, hoping you will not notice. Character consistency is equally absent, with standout oddities like Jessica, a flirtatious siren who later proclaims her virginity and dedication to pre-marital chastity. Because... sure, why not?

Chris Attoh's direction is a rare bright spot, with some stylish camera work making the visuals more engaging than the dialogue or plot. However, pacing issues persist, with the film lurching between rushed scenes and dragged-out moments, never quite finding its rhythm.

Then, there is the climactic battle, where supernatural warriors and evil forces clash in what should have been an epic showdown. Instead, we get an embarrassing spectacle featuring men in black pyjamas and cheap masks, battling women in bikinis and capes. The action is so weak it makes Twilight's baseball scene look like The Raid.

Acting-wise, no one shines, but no one is outright disastrous either; it is a parade of mediocrity. Even Attoh, both directing and starring, stumbles more than he should.

And yet, despite everything, there is something oddly watchable about this mess. Maybe it is the unrealised potential or the sheer so-bad-it's-almost-good quality. Either way, it is the kind of film best enjoyed when expectations are low, energy is lower, and critical thinking is turned off.

Verdict: Deeply flawed, but entertaining in a train wreck you cannot look away from kind of way.