Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver

This is a story you want to love but logic must be thrown out as the beginning premise is a very small against a well trained, well equipped oppressor. Stories should be believable in order to be drawn in, we love underdog stories... something against all odds! But you have to believe its possible to for that underdog to win, which at NO point do you see any evidence no matter HOW NOBLE the reason they can. The technology of an empire that can restore broken bodies, fly between planets, supposedly a formidable force... against a village that INTENTIONALLY plow their fields with animals.

Regardless of the inspiration help from a handful of skilled hand-to-hand fighters... before the fight starts you know you have to suspend reasonable logic.

After saying all this it does create beautiful stories within the very unbelievable fight, but the fight itself it the big miss.

I thought Part One of Rebel Moon was horrible, but Part Two literally said, "Hold my beer!" -- and then proceeded to do the impossible! Take millions of dollars in budget, hire the best special effects artists, great actors, and commence to shoot a "movie" with the most ill-conceived, disjointed, illogical, and atrociously paced "storyline" imaginable!

I'm the biggest Star Wars fan ever, and after reading Rebel Moon was originally meant to be a Star Wars project, I thought this would be at least somewhat watchable. I really wanted to like these two movies!

But this was the laziest, nonsensical "writing" I've ever seen in my life! It's rare for me to literally HATE a movie, but this one definitely falls into that category! Why? Because the movie is INSULTING! Insulting because there are great writers and filmmakers out there worth their weight in gold, but "Hollywood" instead keeps giving millions to this Zack Snyder hack to keep churning out crap fest after crap fest!

No wonder Hollywood is in trouble! It's run by MORONS!

.... Watch this.

I actually fell asleep, during the table scene.

Both movies are incredibly formulaic and tropey.

There are some nice visuals but it feels like an incredible waste of vision.

I like thinking about the details of movies but for the love of me I don't get this back to basics life style of the farming, using manual labour except for the anti gravity carts.

And when did that lady have a chance to crochet for each of the heroes especially after a full day of farming.

So much of the story doesn't make any sense, even when attempting to cookie cutter from other movies.

It's like they copy/pasted and then let a cat walk across the keyboard.

The fort movie was an easy going pleasing experience. Not great, not terrible. Fun to watch. Yes, it had it's share of bad parts, but overall it was OK.

But the second one, oh my God, it was pretty awful.

Half the movie consists of slow motion shots. Uncalled for slow motion. There is nothing dramatic, nothing too fast, nothing that will actually require slow motion. Just a gimmick to double the time wasted on a scene.

Quite a lot of flashbacks, presenting the history of the heroes. Of course, the flashbacks are full of slow motion.

Then, the whole ideea, which is a continuation of Part One, nothing new, nothing interesting: one small village (+ 5-6 heroes) are up against a huge space ship, a Dreadnought, a warship.

And the argument of the entire conflict?! Some bags of grain and one single enemy.

Blast the entire village from orbit, plus 1000 square kilometers around it, call it a day.

In a world where mankind travels in spaceships next to black holes, a bunch of people and animals dragging a spaceship around must be the lowest point of the movie.

Story is total trash. Didn't make sense from the first part. Ain't getting better in the second.

Characters are totally unrelatable. Their backstories and motivations complete nonsense, irrelevant and told in a very boring manner.

The dialogues are so cringe and bland it makes you turn off the volume.

And how easy it must be to make a 2 hours movie when 70% of it is slow motion.

How can you have a carriage that floats on thin area, but needs a horse like animal to drag it around?