Eden Prime

Fair warning: This is an animated feature -- and I'm being generous by calling it animated, as the animation here is very, very crude. The introduction is so annoying you won't want to continue, the dialogue is poorly written (Best line: "I am my mother's only son"... just kidding, it's all nonsense... But that character really does talk a lot about his mother...), and the plot is completely impossible to keep track of.

On the positive side, the voice acting isn't half bad: If you stop looking at the screen, the film actually improves slightly. (Maybe glance up occasionally for the computer-animated, still matte painting effect, just to see what's going on... again, just kidding! Lol, this film is so bad.)

Best exchange of the movie: "I think my leg is broken." "Touché."

Trust me, you're not missing any context. Just go with it.

Not gonna lie, at one point we get a combat scene and it's just flashing lights and screaming, and then like 30 seconds of black screen and then 30 seconds of out-of-focus desert. It might be my favorite scene.

Yeah, this is your movie. Come on, you know you love bad sci fi. You either own a copy of 'The Amazing Bulk', or it's been buried on on your Amazon wish list for years. Just watch this.

Also, all of the text is backwards, so they rendered the graphics wrong.

2/10.

I was about to just blow off reviewing this movie without a review but I can't do that to those that come after me. This is something that should NEVER have been created, much less published

Think about the graphics from your very first video game you ever saw or heard about, like the original 1990's DOOM. Now make the graphics, dialogue and lack of a script about 5 times worse. And you still have something better than this movie.

The only thing I can think is that the only 3 people involved with this atrocity were desperate to get an IMDB entry. Well now they have it. Then again, those entries are associated with this movie, so they did not come out ahead.

Very badly animated, worse than a 1980 arcade game. Poorly focused and dark, like it was filmed off a TV screen. Maybe Tubi is showing a bootleg copy.

The voice actors sounded like they were just reading the script at a 'table read'. Maybe this was just the storyboard for a real film.

It says here the budget was $20k, but I doubt it was even that much. I could only stomach ten minutes, then skipped around, but it didn't get any better.

I won't comment on the plot. I just don't care. It was unwatchable. Calling it a student film would be a complement.

There was a mid-credits scene, as if setting up a sequel, god I hope not. I won't watch it. Avoid, Avoid, Avoid.

11/2023 - 1/10.