Attack of the Meth Gator

Oh well, what can you do... : )

Actually, even though I FF through the obvious Asylum filler, the action scenes were pretty 'good', using the term EXTREMELY loosely. The Redneck slapping contest was too much.

The only thing I can say honestly is that yes, this movie was actually much better than 'COCAINE BEAR' which I couldn't even finish. And, even at that, I can only truly give it a '4'...

I mean, what else can I possibly say. You frigg'n KNOW what you are getting into here, but I guess if you find this kind of thing funny you might get a tiny bit of entertainment out of it.

Oh, I'm gonna be a 'Guy' here for a moment... The main girl was quite shapely and kind of cute... until she opened her mouth... Okay... Guy stuff done, sorry... :D

You know... I downloaded 'SHARKS OF THE CORN' like 2 years ago or whenever it came out. I just could NOT pass up a name like that. But, to be honest, I haven't gotten up the courage actually to watch it yet...

***EDIT (2024-12-29)

Don't know if it's the season (it isn't...) but, I'm feeling generous and raising this one to a '5' (and thus, my reputation continues to spiral downward...)

After the success of the surprising smash hit cocaine bear, syfy decided to put their own spin on things and I enjoyed this venture. Deep in the floridan swamp two men are smuggling methanphedimen when the sheriff and another man arrive, one of the bags gets into the water only for a hungry alligator to get it and this is when we meet methgater. Not as bad as cgi as it always is, not great but still good. The mayor tries to cover it up by sending his own men until the sheriffs son dante gets a team together to destroy them. Theres some fun action in this and I enjoyed the acting in places. A pretty good attempt by them and a film that was pretty entertaining.

But with a massive alligator. The dialogue is almost unintelligible from two of the characters, but it's filmed well and if you like Asylum movies you will enjoy it.

As an aside, the Jaws storyline, regarding not putting off the tourists, is pretty moving.

The false ending worked to keep the excitement going, but I stopped understanding what was happening. You may need to watch this one more than once to get all of the subtle elements. I really hope they make a follow up to this one, as there is definitely a lot more that can be done with this storyline.

One note - see if you can spot the actors from Game of Thrones.

Hamlet it is not. Don't look for deep character studies or powerful storylines here. If you like great special effects, such as Terminator 2, Matrix, this is not it. The special effects are of a lumbering alligator that can swim nearly as fast as a speed boat, jump car lengths, and resist bullets to fit the storyline as needed while at other times is hurt by them. There is no consistency to the creature's abilities, strengths or weaknesses. "If it gets more meth, it will become unkillable" The writers did not consult with scientists or toxicologists.

That said, while the actors aren't Hollywood's best, they are engaging and likable. The Mayor (Patrick Labyorteaux) fits his image well, and does a good job as a gentrified Louisianian. LaRonn Marzett as the scientist does as well as can be expected given the thin writing of the thinner script. Ray Acevedo is underused, he is the skilled and experienced trapper/hunter. Unintendedly Barny Fife-like Sheriff Williams ( Bruce Peoples ) likewise has poorly written lines.

The film suffers from anemic directing, third-rate writing, and dismal special effects. Meaning the only thing that can gel it together are the actors who given this mess manage to be an enjoyable bunch albeit all too often becoming gator-food in bad special effects scenes.

So If you want some background mindless entertainment while you're doing something else and not focusing on the film -this can work for you.

SOMEBODY has to stand up for this wonderful studio, and I'm delighted to accept the assignment. Does no one watch a movie to be ENTERTAINED, with a big goofy grin on their face? If being The Ripoff Kings Of The Cinema is a crime, why was Roger Corman (the former King) handed a career Oscar?? This 89m of trashy dee-light may be a naked ripoff of Cocaine Bear, but that film left me needing MORE of a delicious new "drugged beasties" genre that The Asylum was primed and ready to deliver! You folks who are locked & loaded to give any Asylum film an automatic 2-star rating (without even seeing it, I suspect) have no place in my life. Let the trash cinema congregation say AMEN!!