Jurassic World: Rebirth

Holy cow! This is more abysmal than i thought would be. None of the actors give good performance. The plot is pathetic. No twists, surprise, addition of a 'family' as if we should care about a bunch of no-name actors with nothing to add to the plot. Hard to believe this is written by David koepp, a master in his own craft. The first flop of this franchise. Universal deserves every piece of criticism it is getting. Horrendous CGI is an added disaster for this slop. I had high expectations after the previous two garbage entries in this franchise but i never felt any excitement in the trailer so naturally the movie is even pathetic i thought it would be.

Five years after the mess that was Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), we're back in the land of toothy nostalgia. This time, an expedition heads into remote equatorial regions to extract DNA from three colossal prehistoric creatures in the name of a "groundbreaking medical breakthrough."

Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are mercifully gone (finally), and in their place we get Scarlett Johansson, stepping in as the new face of the franchise for round seven of the Jurassic Park/World saga. Gareth Edwards takes the director's chair, and while he's always known how to stage a good spectacle, even his talents can't fully save this dino-soaked popcorn flick.

Let's talk visuals. There's certainly no shortage of giant set pieces and dinosaur mayhem-but when your dinosaurs look like glossy, overcooked cartoon rejects, all the action in the world can't make it feel real. Hollywood still hasn't learned that audiences are burnt out on soulless green-screen overloads, and the actors, forced to react to nothing, stumble through half-baked expressions of terror. You can practically see them wondering where the tennis ball on a stick went.

Character-wise, it's a wash. Most of them are either grating or entirely forgettable, spouting cringey, rapid-fire dialogue that exists solely to shuttle us from one set piece to the next. And while Rebirth does manage to attempt something new and different, it still feels like we're just circling the same prehistoric drain. It's entertaining, sure-but it just isn't that exciting.

That said, it's still a step up from Fallen Kingdom and Dominion, which isn't saying much, but at least it's something. At this point, though, it's time Universal grew a pair and gave us the R-rated, blood-splattered dinosaur horror epic we deserve-because the stakes never feel high when your carnivores are sanitized for mass consumption.

Here's hoping the next one finally evolves. But I'm not holding my breath. It's best to turn your brain off and enjoy this one for what it is.

6/10.

I wish I could take a previous review for a Jurassic park clone and insert it here to get across the effort the studio is putting into these now. It's just a cheap cash in for some money. Very boring and predictable. The CGI actually looked worse than the 1993 movie. How is that even possible you ask? By just having gratuitous CGI constantly. It just looks bad and I'm actually depressed after watching this. Something about it all just felt cynical and like it somehow ruined my love of the original a little bit. With that said, this is the last ride for me on this franchise. It hasn't been good for decades as I look back and think about these films.

Instead of listening to other reviews picking it apart piece by piece my recommendation is to just see it and enjoy it.

Dont compare it, dont go with out of this world expectations and just have fun! If that's not the entire point of the jurassic movies I dont know what is. It's fun, adventurous and tense at times. Its reminiscent of the previous 6 without leaning into it. There's very subtle call backs sparsely sprinkled throughout. They arent trying to reinvent the wheel there continuing its evolution, pun intended? Its a summer blockbuster with a new story to tell about our jurassic friends. The end.

PROS: -The Cinematography is Spectacular!!!

-The T-Rex sequence is TERRIFYING!!!

-Heavy "Jaws" influence during the Mosasaur sequence.

-The Dinosaur effects are great.

CONS: -I'm really tired of mutants/hybrids in my Dinosaur Movies.

-Script tries to undo the fallout of "Fallen Kingdom/Dominion".

-All the characters feel like caricatures.

-The inclusion of an annoying family and a baby dino.

This was a frustrating experience. For every positive in the film, there was a corresponding negative. Gareth Edwards is always on point with cinematography and shot composition. The fact that this was shot on film was noticeable in a positive way. The visuals looked bright during the day, avoiding that blue-tinted filter most blockbusters use these days.

The Mosasaur and T-Rex sequences are actually thrilling, with the T-Rex being legitimately terrifying for the first time since "The Lost World". The effects for the dinosaurs were great, though I do miss the use of practical effects. What I don't miss is the inclusion of mutants and hybrids. I go to these movies to see dinosaurs, not monsters. There are plenty of other franchises for that. The Mutadons and D-Rex serve the same narrative purpose as the raptors (who got completely sidelined here) and the T-Rex. If they had simply swapped them out for those two in the third act, I'd have been much happier.

Also not helping were the characters. The family subplot could-and should-have been removed entirely. They add nothing to the story and waste screentime. The expedition team are all stereotypes, but Mahershala Ali at least stands out. Honestly, I think he would've been fantastic as the lead here instead of Scarlett Johansson.

All that said, I went in with no expectations and still found myself mildly entertained. I can't help but smile when the John Williams "Jurassic Park" score plays and it made a few welcome appearances here. This is definitely a 'paint-by-numbers' Jurassic movie, but I wouldn't be upset if Gareth Edwards got another chance to direct one. 7/10.