Lust at First Fight

Quality Control is sorely lacking at Adult Time, a major porn platform that follows the devious practice, currently favored in right-wing politics, of "flooding the zone". In this context it means releasing as many titles as frequently as possible.

For this VOD, they had the temerity to reissue the title scene just two days after it had appeared on the VOD titled "Need a Nurse". Caveat emptor, baby.

In that scene directed by Stella Smut, two voluptuous lesbians trash talking at an anger management meeting, then erupting into a catfight which morphs, thanks to the physical contact, into gonzo sex enjoyed by both of them. The lack of interest Stella shows in grinding out random porn content is evidenced by the scene taking place is someone's kitchen, with three chairs arranged for the supposed upcoming meeting.

Avery Jane's big butt is on display, but her line readings are very poor, while no amount of XXX enthusiasm by Little Puck can make up for the phoniness of the scenario. They sort of step out of character, except that their roles are fake in the first place.

Little Puck also stars in "Personal Assistant's Personal Dilemma". Co-star Gal Ritchie is cute but unconvincing in this poorly written (by Midnight, a prolific hack) vignette about "sex with the boss", a very common porn theme from Bree Mills' stable of labels.

She accidentally via cut and paste sends a pornographic email to her boss Little Puck, and then keeps lying stupidly to try and cover up her mistake. Eventually she decides to distract Puck by professing a crush on her, and as the Monty Python team used to confide: "Say no more". Puck immediately dominates her and a half hour of gonzo sex results.

Both performers are well-suited to all-sex/gonzo porn assignments, but acting is not their strongest suit. In fact, the scene's set-up is delivered by Ritchie talking out loud to herself, so we can learn what's going on - a terrible mode of storytelling on screen.

In the case of "Care to Dance, Hun?", even the title is dumb - "hon" is the proper form of Honey, not "hun" which had me thinking of German expansionism at the start of the exercise in porn nostalgia.

It's set in a colorfully decorated diner, the flashy visual style of an "Oopsie!" comedy segment, but this a different Bree Mills label, devoted to romantic lesbian sex. Both decked out in period (1950s) costumes and hair styles, Serene Siren is the brassy, outgoing waitress, while Alexis Tae plays the demure youngster, studying for her written driver's license test. Siren plays a ballad on the vintage jukebox and easily seduces Tae, for some Sapphic sex performed in uncomfortable positions (no couch or bed available).

Particularly annoying to me was the choice of a lousy Muzak '60s track to play us into the scene, perhaps suitable to some Austin Powers nonsense, hardly suggestive of the intended 1950s timeframe. Another obvious faux pas is to have many 45rpm disks pasted to the wall for decoration, a mode used in modern scenes where a nostalgic setting is being simulated, but hardly suitable to an era when the records would be played and respected, not recycled as ornaments.