Beneath the Old Dark House

Really bad, absolutely nothing redeeming about this pile of trash. Goes nowhere, payoff sucks, I'd imagine the director probably likes movies like The Fog more than movies like The Thing. Telling.

However, I'm gonna give this a 10/10 rating, because the director doesn't seem to have enough love in his life. So here's a little love.

I know this was made on the cheap so I'm gonna not try to be too hard on this because you can tell this was made with a little love. This is a 3 story anthology film with the stories varying in quality. The first ones pretty decent but overall feels a little too goofy for it's own good. The second one is a complete waste of time! Honestly the only thing good about it is really staring at the really hot actress, besides that it unbelievably worthless. And the third one is easily the best of the three since you get a little bit of gore and Brinke Steven's shows off her admittedly still incredible body at age 68. Really might be worth watching this alone for.

To be honest this movie is a little more than just a bunch of hot chicks getting naked and a bit of goofy violence. I wish they would have payed a little more to get all the girls to do the right thing infront of the camera, if you know what I mean?! Really this movie is just harmless fun.

Oh yea make sure to stick after the credits because you get easily the darkest story for last. Easily the best! I wish the whole film was like this. Super dark and nihilistic.

I love horror shorts, which means that I like "horror anthologies" more than most people, and so caveat emptor on this review. I suspect that I enjoyed "Beneath the Old Dark House" more than a lot of people will, but there's a lot to like about it. Although the shorts are of varying quality, they do have some solid chills and do not scrimp on the beautiful, scantily-clad women.

In fact, the film opens on a beautiful naked woman. We follow her around for her day, and then when she gets back home she gets grabbed by some weirdo apparently wearing a skin mask who is called "Coffintooth" (although we would only know that if we look at the credits or the film's description, you wouldn't know it from the actual movie). Coffintooth ties her to a chair and forces her to watch three short films.

The first short is about a nerdy guy. We watch him go about his day, which is basically to stalk a gorgeous waitress at a Mexican restaurant. This short is really strong, might be the best of the lot.

The second short deals with a woman who inherits a house from her grandmother. She also inherits everything in the house, which includes a creepy doll. Creepy dolls seldom fail to be, well, "creepy" and this one doesn't disappoint. Another very strong entry -- scary and fun and it really naied the ending.

The final short is the weakest, by far. It's about a man who goes to visit a famous author, played by Brooke Stevens. There just wasn't a lot going on here and it didn't do anything for me, although it's almost redeemed by the fact that Kaylee Williams -- one of the most beautiful women in the horror genre -- is completely naked for parts of this short.

The wrap-around story then "wraps up," although there is a post-credit scene that, to be honest, was totally unnecessary and was just there to add some shock value and middling SFX.

All in all, nothing special, but more to like than to dislike. If you're a fan of horror shorts, worth checking out.