Massacre on Aisle 12

Stupendously splendid tale about moron employees at a hardware store fighting for a bag of money and their lives on Christmas Eve. Gloriously told through the eyes of the newly hired Dave, this is a superbly wonderful romp through horror comedy tropes chock full of holiday cheer and a bit of blood.

A pair of dimwit bank robbers stash their stolen loot in a hardware store and it gets discovered by an even more dimwitted staff. They all want the money, but someone keeps plucking them off, one by one. Who is the killer and who will get the money? It doesn't really matter because this cast is uproariously funny and packs some major talent (see also Amber Jean as Santa's Elf for even more talent).

I died laughing about 19 times watching this movie (Otto also dies about 19 times, which is another story). This is a horror comedy for the ages and will now been added to my annual Christmas Movie Extravaganza Weekend for this holiday and beyond.

8/10 (+1 for the gut-busting outtake reel on the DVD) = 9/10 stars total

Labeled as a horror comedy or a dark comedy. Massacre on Aisle 12 is a lower budget independent film about a new employee whose first day working at a retail store discovers a dead body and a duffle bag of cash inside a large cabinet.

The comedy here is entirely forced, with its one liners and back and forth style babbling with crude remarks and such.

The lead character of Dave is about the only likeable character. Black Jack would be a close second. Otherwise, just about every other character is obnoxious, crude, bizarre and tries too hard. Filled with constant stereotypical characters and racist dialogue.

The film is relatively short in runtime which is beneficial. The ending revealing how the dead body and cash were found in the cabinet was slightly disappointing yet perhaps the most obvious outcome.

The film is definitely gory and has some solid gruesome kills which helps it's dark/black comedy aspect.

Overall, Aisle 12 isn't anything memorable or special. Some of these high rated reviews are massively overrating the film and do not understand how many found the film to be "really hilarious". As a rewatch 12 25 24' opinions remain same. The film certainly feels like it thinks it's more clever and funny than it is. The comedy is very forced and over the top. Perhaps slightly worse on the second viewing.

This movie is "ok" Not anything is supercool.

No transformers.

It was allright:)

Because this movie nearly had me busting out of mine with laughter. I've been waiting for a movie like Massacre on Aisle 12 for a long time. One that isn't afraid to embrace the type of humor that presses on the touchy issues and wiggles a finger at the establishment (and I won't say which finger).

The story follows the employees of a hardware store on Christmas Eve after they find a dead body and tempting amount of mystery cash that stokes their greed and leads them to plot, scheme, and ultimately turn on each other for a chance at the money.

The cast is downright amazing and runs jokes off each other like well-executed football plays. Directors Jim Klock (who also plays Otto) and William Mark McCullough (Santa) co-quarterback this offensive- line of future comedy superstars. Chad Ridgely (Jack) scores big laughs and delivers a punchline filled performance that takes going off the deep end to a new level. Melissa Saint-Amand (Tara) and Aikido Burgess (Black Jack) fire off one-liners and comebacks like well-placed precision passes. Amber Jean (Barbie) cheer-leads the group with able bodied (or should I say able-boobed) bounciness and Doug Burch (Mr. Kipper) calls out enough creepiness from his playbook to keep you from comfortably showering in the locker room ever again.

All these characters combine to deliver the movie into the end zone for a well-earned touchdown and Michael Buonomo (Dave), whose character expertly receives each joke with poise and confidence, kicks the straight-man game through the uprights for extra points.

Massacre on Aisle 12 is a fresh, hard-hitting comedy that lampoons all of today's hot-button topics while coyly smirking in your face, yet adeptly keeping you wanting more.

If you're like me and you like humor that is unabashed and not at all ashamed to go for the jokes, then you will love this movie. If you're like me and you love smart dialogue and witty word-play, then you will love this movie. And if you're like me and you love some well-endowed scantily clad babes adding some nice eye candy to the mix, then you will definitely love this movie.

In addition to the aforementioned merits, this film is also a pretty clever who-dun-it that kept me guessing right up until the very end. I enjoyed the murder mystery aspect and the looking-for-clues dynamic of the film mixed in with the funny jokes and the chaos of the situation.

Essentially, the film follows Dave (Michael Buonomo), the very like-able new employee as he starts his first night of work at Mr. Beaver's Hardware Store. The story happens on Christmas Eve and he begins by meeting Tara (Melissa Saint-Amand), the pretty brunette store clerk with mesmerizing eyes who also doesn't happen to give a darn about working there. Her apathy is great and hilarious. She directs Dave to the employee break room, where he sees on TV that an armored car has been robbed and the bandits are on the loose.

It is here that Dave meets assistant manager Jack (Chad Ridgely). Jack is hysterical and completely off-the-wall nuts and it's hard not to love him despite his many nuances. But then it's hard not to love all of the characters as we meet them and follow their ridiculous antics. They all clearly hate their jobs and couldn't be more miserable but their interplay between each other is priceless.

It doesn't take long before the regular closing-up at work gets spiced up with some unexpected drama. They find a dead body and an ungodly amount of cash. They debate what to do with the money and the plot rapidly thickens. The manager (Doug Burch) does a great job at trying to reel in this group of misfits while being conflicted himself about what to do and his performance is fantastic.

After a bit of bickering, debating, and scheming, the less-than-bright crew all decide to make a play for the money and end up making some pretty idiotic decisions with hilarious results that had me in fits of laughter. Oh, and buxom Barbie (Amber Jean) does a strip-tease that is nearly unforgettable.

I loved this movie and will undoubtedly watch it again. So, if you like the things I mentioned in the beginning of this review, then you will definitely like this movie, too. Highly enjoyed and highly recommended.