Femmes préhistoriques

Comparable, I think, to Wiesmuller's Tarzan flicks, Prehistoric Women is honestly kind of good. The voice over, done documentary style, helps. The segments done with stuffed animals are hilarious by todays standards. Its like Tarzan wrestles Lavern and Shirley's BooBoo kitty. The prehistoric women? Champions of women's liberation and really pretty both at the same time. The photography? Decent given what they had to work with back then. The plot? Hey, there actually IS one. Even a sub plot. Characters? They function. Especially the nine foot tall rampaging giant, who is so obviously misunderstood. I'm kidding. But I'm NOT kidding when I say that if you like Tarzan style flicks from that era you'll enjoy Prehistoric Women.

I can't believe nobody's seen this movie. Not even 5 votes registered. This is a real cult classic, guys. Dinosaurs, women running around in fur bikinis, catfights; it has it all. Not a whole lot of talent, mind you, but that's not what we're looking for in exploitation, is it? The plot? Who cares. It's simple enough to follow with the sound off. Just sit back, put some heavy tunes on, and enjoy the action.

In the standard prehistoric tribal environment, the women are rightfully subjugated. One rebellious woman has a problem with authority figures and opts to correct that with a rock to the male cranium.

Realizing that this might provoke the other males, she heads for the woods or jungle with a handful of women and girls. Of courses being a moral film in the time fo censorship the females must be punished so, they are dragged off by a giant; thus, they leave a hand full of girls to be brought up without males by a wise old woman.

We come to the opening scene where the women not knowing what they are missing have to dance to exhaustion (we get exhausted watching).

Soon after being told that men can be useful for propagating, they set out to subdue some feeble men for this nefarious purpose.

In the process, we see the invention of fire and its consequences.

I recommend that this film should not fall into the hands of women.

And here I thought our distant ancestors were small, stooped, hairy and naked. But now, thanks to Prehistoric Women, I know the women were long-legged, with curled hair, mini-skirts, and from a Las Vegas chorus line. Plus, the gene pool was big enough to include some shapely blondes. In fact, I'm now wishing I was born a lot sooner. Except the prehistoric men look a lot better than I do, like maybe they were recruited off Muscle Beach and had just left the barber shop. Oh well, the women aren't very cooperative anyway; that is, until the men ply them with big hunks of cooked meat. See, up until that time, the girls were eating their meat raw so no wonder they were always in a bad mood.

Along the way, we get to see how fire was discovered, how the lever was used, and how the swan dive was invented before swans. We also get to see how the full moon makes the girls go into a dancing frenzy long before the sounds of heavy metal, and how the feminist movement got a really, really early start. But what about that nasty giant who keeps growling and menacing all those beautiful prehistoric bodies. Too bad there wasn't a basketball recruiter to put all his 7' 8" under contract, that would have been a lot easier than burning down the jungle.

Anyhow, I think I enjoyed this cartoon version of prehistory, even though I don't think it matches my high school textbook. However I'm bothered by one really bad thought. After looking at all these wonderful prehistoric specimens and then comparing them with myself, I'm beginning to doubt the whole course of human evolution. You think maybe it's the cooked meat.

This cinecolour gem tells the tale of a prehistoric tribe where some of the women fled with some the female children to escape to tyranny of the males. However, as the young girls get older the mating instinct takes over. The women kidnap and enslave some males for mates. Along the way the male lead invents fire (and cooking), battles a giant bird that resembles a rubber chicken, and a giant played by real life circus giant Johann Petursson. The whole picture is told by a narrator who informs us of such things as "the swan dive was invented before the swan."

I doubt if anyone connected with making this minor little picture was taking any of this seriously, unlike the similar 1967 film of the same title made by Hammer. And you shouldn't take this film seriously either. Some people have expressed an almost psychotic dislike towards this minor, trivial little film, but I can't see what there is to get angry about. PREHISTORIC WOMEN is entertainingly ludicrous, lively, good natured harmless fluff. If you watched this film expecting an serious anthropology lesson, thats your fault for being so naive. Some self-anointed enlightened types say its sexist. So what! What does that word really mean? I'm going to be the first admit I happen to like seeing sexy Laurrette Luez running around in skimpy outfit. Got a problem with that?