Maciste contre les hommes de pierre

. . . in a movie entitled Hercules Against the Moon Men? I gave it five out of 10 because it is quite average for a movie of its type -- silly Italian Hercules movies being the type.

Fire from the sky drops near Samara. It deposits something evil. This evil horde demands human sacrifice. The queen of Samara (Jany Clair) is in cahoots with the evil ones in exchange for a chance to rule the world.

Only one man can save them by leading a revolt. Yep, it is Hercules (Sergio Ciani.) I suspect the queen could smell Hercules and ordered a shower. It did not work so she will try to make Herc take a powder, and he would be mooning over her.

It looks like another full moon and time for a sacrifice when the sound is turned off it looks like they are all going to the showers. Will Herc help? If you look close Herc looks like Bob Vila of this old house fame, only a tad smellier.

O. K. One more time let us try sandblasting him.

Once again, the most frequently asked question in exploitation/cult cinema pops up: Who the hell comes up with stuff like this?!? Aliens from the moon, entirely made of rock and led by a robot-crossover between Darth Vader and C3PO, invade an ancient Greek community and force the people to sacrifice their children for no apparent reason! And, instead of moving out of the area, they blindly obey until they can't take it anymore and call for the help of Hercules. The over-muscled warrior hero arrives, eliminates the evil queen, kicks some alien-butt and falls in love with the local beauty. The end. In all honesty, this movie really isn't that bad. At least it's much better than most other entries in the seemly endless Hercules franchise. The movie only gets boring past the hour, due to the incredibly overlong sandstorm-climax, and you simply have to ignore the plot holes that have the size of a meteor. If you manage to look beyond the silliness, "Hercules against the Moon Men" is a harmless cult-quickie that offers some nice action-sequences and a handful of decent gimmicks. Alan Steel is an average Hercules – not as cool as Steve Reeves but definitely better than Peter Lupus & Mike Lane – and natural redhead Jany Clair is quite sexy as the malicious queen who made a pact with the alien leader. The supportive cast varies from mediocre to awful. I'd really like to see the MST3K-version of this film, as I heard and read some great things about it. Now, let's start wiping the sand out of my eyes.

A large asteroid falls on earth and from that emerges a group of aliens who try to take over the ancient world by bringing an evil witch back to life. The story is, like some many of these films, incidental to the action but I really enjoyed the mix of fantasy and sci-fi. The alien is cool looking. The rock monsters are slightly underwhelming (it's the way the walk) but they're fun nonetheless, in a B-movie kinda way. Alan Steel (née Sergio Ciani) is agile even if he's more beefy (and older looking) than Steve Reeves or Mark Forest. The film transfer I saw was bad but even so I had fun watching it. I could see that it was very colorful film in its original state and I'm certain that if this film had a decent transfer, people would be pleasantly surprised by how much fun HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN actually is.

There are several good moments in it, including the "nicer dicer" scene, when Hercules (or Maciste) is trapped within a giant contraption which looks like the jaws of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Cool scene. I thought the film moved at a good pace and was never dull. The actress who played the Queen was a pretty good villainess. She looked like she came straight out of an anime. The actress who played the sister had a massive rack which would make Dolly Parton jealous. The only weakness in the film would be the soundtrack. It's not really impressive.

Peplums like this one are often derided and dismissed for showcasing too much muscle. First of all, so what? Secondly, films like this were made, first and foremost, for kids. Kids back then (and today) are impressed by big burly guys. Just look at the success of the über trashy WWE today, which shows more skin than any of these sometimes overlooked action flicks. Third of all, Sword and Sandal films are probably the most underrated genre ever. Without these films there wouldn't have been a Ridley Scott's Oscar winning GLADIATOR or the current box office smash, 300.

Just watch HERCULES AGAINST THE MOON MEN for what it is: just a fun, colorful action movie, which happens to have some beefcake and cheesecake thrown in for good measure.

Enter Alan Steel as greasy, gym rat Hercules. He must battle the evil Queen Zamara and the moon men. Funny thing is it's never explained who the moon men are (strange especially since they're on earth!). Annoying characters include Prince Darrick, Princess Phyllis, and his girlfriend Agar. Lots of Pizza Pizza guards getting tossed by Herc like 20 lb dumbbells. Try to regain composure (and reality) after the brutally boring and pointless `sandstorm' part.

Watch the great part with the old man and the trap. You'd think he'd remember it was there!