In my profession, and at home to my kids, I often give the wise advice: it's okay to make mistakes, if you learn from them and don't make the same mistake twice. And yet, when it comes to my hobby, I keep repeating my own dumb mistakes. Whenever I stumble upon unknown horror movies, without any votes or user-comments here on IMDb, I eagerly track them down and secretly hope they are undiscovered gems. I ought to know by now that 99% of these titles are obscure for a very good reason; - namely they are horrible!
Hopefully, but probably not, "Cake of Blood" will be my last mistake, especially because this was the one of the worst and most unendurable films I watched in a very long time. Let's start with the title. What cake? Is it called "cake" because it's an anthology film and thus exists of four pieces, perhaps? And there wasn't a lot of blood, neither. The only positive thing I can write is that each segment - or should I say piece of the cake - takes place in a different historical timeframe, namely the middle-ages, the Victorian era, around the birth of Christ, and the present time. The actual stories, however, are indescribably dull and uneventful.
It's only been two days since I watched "Cake of Blood", and I already can't remember anything about the third and fourth chapter, to be honest. The only memory I have of the first story is that a knight finds a dead woman in a castle and then walks through a forest with a dwarf (or it might be a creepy kid with a mature face). The second story is supposedly a version of Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein", but I didn't see any resemblances. The simple truth is that all stories are terribly boring and wannabe arthouse failures by untalented directors who deserve to remain unknown and unsung. It's a total mystery why this worthless piece of rubbish received a luxurious 4K restoration. What a waste of money & effort.
