Maitei Jyakku

I profess that I don't understand Japanese people. I have nothing against them (they seem to be wonderful, hard-working people); I just don't understand the movies they make. Case in point is "Mighty Jack".

Someone thought that a combination of a submarine and a jet plane used as a crime-fighting tool would make a great movie. Heck, give them credit for originality; we partly ripped off the concept years later in order to give David Hasselhoff his showbiz break (Nightrider). Unfortunately, it doesn't quite come off.

Japan, in full post-war self-flagellation, has yet another enemy which seeks its destruction. No, not a prehistoric monster, but Q, a crime syndicate. (Somewhere, John Delancey's Star Trek character is suing for copyright infringement.) Mighty Jack is the weapon of choice to fight against the second-rate Ernst Blofelds of Q. We're not given much of an opportunity to see Mighty Jack actually do anything militarily; however, we do get to see plenty of banked turns.

When Mighty Jack acts as a submarine, it sinks like a rock. Feel free to add in more baking soda at any time!! For whatever reason, the crew dresses quite dapper in jackets and white shirts. They may not be the most sophisticated warriors out there, but they do dress well!

Mighty Jack's big wig is an old Japanese man who sits in his office thinking in a western voice while he speaks fluent Japanese. It has some interesting spy stuff, but not enough to keep you from that bathroom run.

Sterno says keep Mighty Jack grounded.

James Bond goes Japanese would be a good way to describe this film, except that instead of quality acting and scripting, you get the opposite. Repeated stock footage of them turning and banking in a plane and a bathtub being filled with water that's supposed to be a large submarine base filling its tank with water to let the sub float out do not help either.

Rightfully skewered on MST3K, this Sandy Frank import is pretty bad. Avoid unless you're watching the MST3K version.

Yes we could write Mighty Jack off straight away for many reasons:

• The slightly poor special effects (think original Thunderbirds meets punch & Judy)

• The nigh-on incomprehensible plot (but so in vogue post-Donny Darko)

• The 'Once again someones done a cack job of translating Japanese to English' effect (I absolutely refuse to believe that Japanese dialogue is so poor, It must be the fault of the translators picking wrong words to translate into: Case in point, watch Japanese film 'The killer' with subtitles AND dubbing - you sometimes get completely different meanings to lines)

However, come in to this film ready to enjoy yourself and you will find nothing more fun than picking holes in the plot, imitating the dialogue, and choking back laughter at the suffering- from-age special effects!

Yes, it is a BAD film, but in my opinion, its SO bad it's great! Don't buy this if you're looking for a 'Japanese action film your friends don't have', cos you wont earn any kudos. However I picked it up for £1, and it's kept me chuckling for days now! Stick your tongue as far into your cheek as it will go, and enjoy!