Diamonds for Breakfast

I love Marcello Mastroianni, especially in films like "Divorce Italian Style" (1961) Original title: Divorzio all'italiana, Director Pietro Germi, "Break-Up" (1968) Original title: L'uomo dei cinque palloni, Director Marco Ferreri, "The Big Feast" (1973) Original title: La grande bouffe, Director again Marco Ferreri, "Dark Eyes" (1987) Original title: Oci ciornie, Director Nikita Mikhalkov. I love Rita Tushingham in films like "The Trap" (1966), Director Sidney Hayers, and "Doctor Zhivago (1965), Director David Lean. Then I love those films with heists made in the '60s, like "Seven Golden Men" (1965) Original title: 7 uomini d'oro, "Il grande colpo dei 7 uomini d'oro" (1966), "Topkapi" (1964), "Treasure of San Gennaro" (1966) Original title: Operazione San Gennaro, and especially "Sette volte sette" (1969). The director of this "Diamonds for Breakfast", Christopher Morahan, together with Mastroianni and Rita, they would have done very well not to make this film. But, you know, actors and directors have to eat too, even when they have a very bad script...

On learning his wife has given birth to a son, the Russian Grand Duke wagers the last of the Imperial jewels. Some decades later, the son, played by Marcello Mastroianni, sees them as part of an exhibition at an English museum. When he recovers, he assembles a team of lady burglars to steal them.

Mastroianni should be having a lot of fun, playing his role and all his ancestors, and with the women, including Rita Tushingham, Elaine Taylor, Margaret Blye, Francesca Tu, and the Karlin Triplets. He seems at sea speaking English, with none of the comic charm he typically offers in Italian movies. The pacing seems erratic, as if large swaths have been cut out in an effort to transmute smuttiness into ribaldry.

Perhaps it is the lack of anything in the way of character for any of the performers, save for Miss Tushingham, Nora Nicholson as an elderly Grand Duchess, and David Horne in his last screen appearance, as a bleary-eyed English aristocrat. In any case, it's not much good.

Just put a number of hot girls in go-go outfits on screen with one male star in the center and the movie writes itself. This formulaic mad-cap caper film follows in the footsteps of "Casino Royale" and "Blaise Modesty" in its use of colorfully dressed beauties that are calculated to divert attention from the lack of plot, character, humor, tension or anything else that might require talent to pull off. You might like it just to see how silly these sort of late-60s movies could get.