Catch the Black Sunshine

This movie is the absolute worst film that has ever been created...

The fact that multiple imdbeeps give this monstrosity a 10 rating has perturbed me to no end... I get that they are orchestrating this as a tongue-in-cheek act, rating a bad movie high is always fun! Or so they....imagine.

Comedy is great in most ever situation.... except with regard to reviewing this flick. Even the slightest amount of humor is inappropriate, trust me.

Why the hate? While most "bad" movies (ie Manos) have some redeeming comedy factor, this one has none. Checking out the VHS box is the best way to enjoy this movie...

Notes:

1: White director/writer/producer stars AS BLACK SLAVE, (aka Albino N$&@#% in the film) All actual black characters do not question this, regardless of his obviously Caucasian features

2: My VHS cover from Walmart has Snidely Whiplash attacking a slave with hedge pruners. BOTH ACTORS ARE NOT IN THE FILM.

3. 6+ times there are shots of the 2 guys walking slowly through swamps (for up to 5 minutes)

4. Main villain is Lurch from the original Adams Family show. ??

scary

...and I saw both feardotcom and without a paddle in theaters.

and i've watched the films of ed wood. and sat through many a roger corman classic. and generally rented every bad movie in the bowels of the video store.

this is the single most painfully horrible movie i've ever seen. the only other thing i've watched in recent memory that was even close to this bad was six string samurai (I was so disappointed in that one).

But, on the upside, you can use it as a torture device to annoy your friends. There's nothing like subjecting them to bad acting, a white guy masquerading as an "albino" black man, and just generally terrible movie-making.

I first saw this film when I was 17. I'm now 23, and have yet to find anything to top it. The one and only reason I'm giving this two stars is because I like to torture people with it from time to time. Try it back to back with the Star Wars Holiday Special to rid your house of unwanted guests.

The video I saw of this film was on a label called Platinum Productions. It had been retitled as "Black Rage" and had this amazingly cruddy cover art with a white slaver threatening a black slave using what is very obviously a pruning saw (exactly like the one my grandmother uses on her shrubs). But don't judge a book by its cover. Even though the video quality of the tape was on the just adequate-to-fair side (I suspect that the tape was actually a bootleg), that didn't prevent me from ultimately really enjoying this film. It was clearly a labor of love, filmed (very clearly) on real Florida swamp locations (that must have been a real fun shoot), with mostly unknowns (Ted "Lurch" Cassidy is the only guy most people will probably recognize). But the subject matter is so unique (name me one other film set in 1859 about two slave brothers - one black the other albino - who find an old Spanish treasure map and spend the rest of the film on the run from bounty trackers through some of the roughest Florida swamp country this side of a women-in-prison movie) and the quality of the production values (great performances all around, terrific attention to period costuming and set decoration, attractive cinematography, even good sound recording) is so outstanding that this picture really won me over. It's too bad that Chris Robinson gave up directing (and producing, starring, writing...) his own material like this. I hope more people have a chance to see this distinctive, well-made film.

I recieved this movie as a Christmas gift from a friend. We decided that it looked good and had to be watched right away. Little did we know that this movie holds a horrible secret. Much like the fictitious tape in "The Ring", this movie really does have the power to kill, or at least make one very ill. Upon completion of the movie the friend who purchased it became sick, and didn't recover until some two weeks later. As, he is generally a healthy person who rarely gets sick, the only explanation can be that he purchased this movie, only to succomb to its awesome power. So, I warn you, if you buy this movie, watch it at your own risk, and don't say that I didn't warn you.

After I saw "You Got Served," I felt like I had just witnessed the biggest train wreck that was ever committed in the art of film-making. But little did I know that there was a much worse movie lurking at the depths of the Walgreen's bargain bin. "Charcoal Black" was and is that movie.

Standing at an excruciating 91 minutes, "Charcoal Black" might test anyone's patience, even if you love bad movies (like me). Even though Chris Robinson's story (if it could even be called that) might have some entertaining parts, the movie ends up making you want to get up and leave your nice Lay-z-boy recliner. And I can't forget to mention the bitter taste the movie leaves in your mouth afterward.

The wonderfully written story (HA!) by Chris Robinson starts off with two slave brothers, one black (Levi, played by Anthony Scott) and, well, one white (Sunshine). But the movie insists that the white one is actually an albino negro, even though Sunshine, who is played by the amazing Chris Robinson, is so obviously a white man. Anyway, the two slave "brothers" find a treasure map with no directions or writing on it decide to embark on a quest to find the treasure. The two slaves easily escape the clutches of the evil taskmaster Striker (Ted Cassidy) in a riveting scene that keeps the audience (if there is one) on the edge of their seats.

The rest of the sorry excuse for a story consists of the slaves meeting various people on their journey, such as racist white trash(redundant, I know) or even randomly placed Native Americans in Florida swamps. The story also follows Striker as he rounds up a gang to find and capture the slaves.

The slaves end up at a shack on the swamp that belongs to a woman (Phyllis Robinson) and immediately the sparks between the woman and Sunshine start to fly! Eventually the woman's house, which has nothing flammable in it, explodes by a candle (or maybe it's those sparks!), and the three must abandon the house. The chemistry between the two Robinsons is unbearable, especially since Phyllis always seems to have such a pained expression on her face.

The slaves ditch the woman and head to the treasure. Striker meets up with them with his gang of hit men hicks and they kill Sunshine. Striker's gang gets killed, but Striker remains alive and he befriends Levi randomly. Then the credits roll.

We never find out what's in the treasure - well, like anyone cares anyway. I bet Chris Robinson just gave up on the script because that's how the movie looks. Chris probably gave up on directing and everything else. In one scene where the slaves are walking, with music in the background, the editor decided to cut in the middle of the scene. So the music stops and the slaves suddenly are face to face with some Native American. Then, they decide to kill the Native American, who has no weapons (oh, but he has a threatening loincloth on).

This movie is just so stupid, you feel like your IQ has dropped 90 points. This movie is so bad, your feel like you have to take a shower or five after watching it. The story is ridiculous, the acting is horrid, the characters are flat, the writing bites, and so on and so forth.

In short, "Charcoal Black" offers a one of a kind experience: after watching it, you'll feel like you have just committed a crime.