747 en péril

This film is laughingly bad. Gloria Swanson looks like she's wearing a makeup factory. Charlton Heston wears some frightening looking outfits. Karen Black, the best actress of the cast, is trying to take it all seriously but you know she's thinking "Just think about the money! Just think about the money!" The effects look like they were shot in someone's garage. George Kennedy says lines like "He dropped his old fashioned wrench," which are apparently supposed to bring down the house. Dana Andrews looks like he's incredibly bored. And Larry Storch in a serious role? Larry Storch? A mistake has been made here. Granted, the shots of the full plane in action are pretty good. But for all of this, I watch it, I am drawn to it like a moth to a flame every time it's on. I even bought the video tape. You know why? Because it's so bad it's good. Gloria Swanson's last line in the movie is the best. Why did they wait until her last line to have a good line in the movie? Myrna Loy is good - actually, she really shines with this crowd.

Airport '75 was definitely the funniest of that series. It was not as soap opera-esque as the original, nor was it as cheerless as '77.

Humorous elements abounded: The lewd young navigator (Erik Estrada, who at that point could not speak a word of Spanish, despite his seeming mastery of it here). The three obnoxious business passengers (Conrad Janis, Norman Fell, and Jerry Stiller; who would all later, as we know, go on to co-star in highly successful TV comedies) The hapless Cid Ceasar character, who only attended this flight to see the in-flight movie, which promptly broke right before his favorite scene.

The passenger areas look surprisingly comfortable, with ample space for individual passengers. Much better, it seems, than what we are subjected to today (the mid-seventies decor notwithstanding).

The mirthful subtones aside, this is a serious movie. The pivotal point happens when a small private plane goes astray, hitting the 747 right above the windshield. The navigator is killed, the co-pilot is sucked out through the hole (in a manner reminiscent of the commander of the imperial walker being pulled out by Chewbacca in "Return of the Jedi"; and the captain is incapacitated. Poor Nancy the Stewardess (Karen Black) must seize the controls!

It is up to Charlton Heston (before he became a conservative) and George Kennedy, with some help from friends in the U.S. Air Force, to save the day.

Verdict, hardly a brain challenger (If you want your brain challenged, read a book, I always say!) but worth seeing.

Just about every 1970s disaster cliché and typical cast member is present in this ludicrous, yet entertaining movie. The first of a long line of sequels to the original Airport from 1970, this film raises the bar in terms of ridiculous situations and casting of washed-up actors. One cannot however ignore the interesting scenario of an untrained person having to fly a jumbo jet if the entire crew somehow would become incapacitated.

Karen Black (an underrated talent) plays the lead stewardess on a 747 flight who has to take over the flying duties after a Cessna crashes into the cockpit and either kills or severely wounds the pilots. Luckily the script only calls for her having to make adjustments to the plane's course instead of actually bringing it safely into the gate! Instead, the plan is to lower a trained pilot from a jet helicopter into the 747 cockpit so he can make the landing. Of course there are complications involving sick passengers, fuel leaks, mountains, and finding a good rug for Charleton Heston to wear. Can this motley crew of actors bring the plane down safely?? I wonder.

You gotta love the casts of these kind of movies. I can take Cid Ceasar, Myrna Loy, Gloria Swanson, and Linda Blair as passengers. I can hold my nose and accept Helen Reddy as a singing nun. The welcome sight of George Kennedy in some sort of administrative role certainly helps. But what in the world was former NFL quarterback Jim Plunkett doing on board? And sitting in coach, yet?? I guess he hadn't won a superbowl yet, so he didn't rate first class! 6 of 10 stars.

The Hound.

Air travel in the 1970s (which was before fare laws made it more affordable) still retained a certain amount of chic. It was expensive enough that a lot of people had still never flown. In a family with five kids, our mode of transportation was a Volkswagen Bus. The Brady Bunch was the only big family I knew who went on vacations involving air travel. (And for the record, my first flight was in 1987, when I was 22).

This movie has so many hilarious moments in it, it's hard to catch all of them. First, Karen Black, that witchy-looking broad who wore the Zulu teeth in "Trilogy of Terror" has a few intimate moments with Charlton Heston, AKA Cockpit Moses, AKA NRA is My Copilot. I'm sorry, but the idea of him and her together ... ewwww. But I digress.

Next, we have the legendary Gloria Swanson, assaying the role of ... Gloria Swanson. What this consists of is: droning on endlessly into a tape recorder (or to her luckless secretary, who probably would have considered a plane crash a welcome diversion) about her fascinating life, how she was "a rebel" in her career, etc. -- the only thing she leaves out is what it was like to be bundling with JFK's daddy -- and wearing this bizarre sort of burnoose that ends up looking like a man-eating nun's habit. Which sets us up nicely for the introduction of two nunly stereotypes.

Sister Martha Scott displays a traditional habit, including a wimple, and a traditional outlook. Sister Helen Reddy (I swear I'm not making this up) is wearing a post-Vatican II modified habit and looks a lot like Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music." Which is ironic given later events.

Getting thoroughly plowed in the airport bar are Mindy's dad, the guy who never wanted to have sex with Audra Lindley, and Carmine Vespucci. They run into Myrna Loy, who you'd think was an ordinary old-lady type, only to reveal that she swills boilermakers at every possible opportunity. If you're wondering why this was even a plot point, join the club.

And now, on to the plane. What a marvel of design that baby was! Those seats were the size of Lazy Boy recliners, even in coach class. To think that if only I'd been born to a millionaire, I could have experienced flight in the days before you get shoehorned into a seat the size of a toy poodle carrier with your knees in your face ... and not only that, THIS plane has a groovy spiral staircase leading up the flight deck, so that the passengers can ogle the stews' legs as they rush back and forth with coffee, tea or me.

Just when we think the ham can't get sliced any thicker, they wheel Linda Blair onto the plane in the role of a young girl (Sister Martha unnecessarily informs Sister Helen, "It's a young girl!" as if Sister Helen couldn't see that). And not just any young girl. A young girl who is DESPERATELY in need of a kidney transplant. Played by an actress who doesn't seem to catch on to the fact that someone in desperate need of a kidney transplant isn't going to be beaming and bubbling over about how "exciting" it is to look at all the people. However, since Linda was simply assaying yet another of the roles in her 1970s Put Upon Damsel collection, I can't fault her too much.

Meanwhile, at another airport, a former Air Force Glory Boy from "The Best Years of Our Lives" is preparing to journey home to Boise, Idaho. He calls home, and the phone is answered by none other than the blonde broad who took Uncle Charlie's apron and put the wrecking ball to "My Three Sons." She's his wife (how is it that all the lovely young actresses in this film are head over heels in love with these geriatric actors? Point to ponder). So, ignoring the forecasts of bad weather and the ominously prescient comment of a friend who says he's looking pale, our lone pilot leaps into his Patsy Cline Special and heads out in the middle of a driving rain.

Now, this sets up the pivotal scene. We have a large 747 loaded with 150 people (those seats were ROOMY, man) and an itty bitty plane with a guy who's starting to not feel so good, and they're both circling Salt Lake City, waiting for permission to land. Until Air Force Glory Boy has a heart attack and his plane collides with the jet in midair. Ouch.

Particularly since September 11, it's blackly amusing to see all the passengers sitting so calmly and obediently in their seats after the collision. Even if we were to suspend rational thought long enough to accept the idea that a collision that sucks out the first officer wouldn't be accompanied by enough pressure to suck out the entire flight crew and maybe the back wall of the flight deck, the fact that everyone just sat there, bundled up in their coats and cheesy purple airline blankets, while "THE STEWARDESS IS FLYING THE PLANE?" (thank you, Sid Caesar) is still hilarious to comprehend.

Now, lest I give away the Cheez Whiz ending too much, let me just say that I don't understand why, if everyone else got shoved out the inflatable ramps, Karen Black and Charlton Heston were allowed to promenade dramatically down the regular steps to the tarmac (ah, those days before jetways).

Anyhoo, this one is better experienced than described. If nothing else, it's fun to spot all the "Airplane" parody fodder.

A mid-air collision leaves a 747 without a pilot. Charlton Heston, Karen Black and George Kennedy star in this campy far fetched adventure. Acting is wooden and unconvincing and the plot ranges from strange to absurd but the air sequences are by far the best in any air disaster film and well worth a look. It is a typical disaster film for it's time but is thankfully one of the good ones unlike The Concorde or The Swarm. People give it a hard time claiming it to be one of the worst films ever made but it obviously isn't as there are many millions of mainstream films worse than this and many worse disaster movies if you want proof watch any of Irwin Allen's late 70's productions.