Death Screams

(** out of *****) The titular `house' only appears in the last ten minutes or so of this overly familiar, early-'80s horror flick. That detail aside, this movie isn't the worst of its kind (that would be "Hell High"), but it's also far from the best. If you can make it past the interminably long carnival scene -- with a group of young, vacuous girls and hunky, meat-head guys walking around making jokes and playing games -- you'll get a few so-so chills and thrills (and mostly off-screen machete murders) once the gang winds up in the cemetary to tell ghost stories (the lead heroine tells a lousy version of the classic urban legend about the girl who's home alone and thinks that's her dog under the bed licking her hand.) Other than a decapitated head or two, there's more nudity than gore, including an interesting, role-reversal shower scene in which a man is stalked in his apartment while taking a shower. There's some minor backplot and attempts at character development, but there are also gaping plot holes and a weak attempt to make the killer's identity a mystery (you should have no trouble figuring it out.) The film quality's pretty crummy, and the out-of-place, Sesame Street-sounding soundtrack is one of the worst I've ever heard.

HIGHLIGHT: Speaking of the soundtrack, if you do happen to run across this movie at the video store, go ahead and rent it solely for the opening credits sequence -- the music that plays over this sequence is so hysterically over the top that you will not believe it. Listening to this ludicrously epic music play over slow-motion scenes of dead bodies floating underwater was a surreal experience. I had to rewind it and watch it over three or four times. Seriously, some underground techno or indie-rock band needs to find this movie and sample the soundtrack. It blew me away. Of course, drinking helps.

Did every film studio limit their output to just slashers in the early '80s? There are so many of them. Just when I think I've seen them all, I find another one I've never heard of. Still, it's not hard to see why Death Screams flew under my radar for so long: it's formulaic stuff that never tries to do anything out of the ordinary, from it's clichéd group of characters (obnoxious joker, nympho, goody-two-shoes final girl, town simpleton, fat bumbling sheriff) to its rain-lashed finalé in a rundown house by a cemetery.

The film opens with a pre-credits double murder of a young couple, but it's too dark to see what happens to them, director David Nelson seemingly more preoccupied with getting in the first shot of a topless girl than delivering an effective fright. Certainly, for much of the time, Nelson appears to be more intent on delivering gratuitous T&A than he does horror, focusing on the twenty-something victims-to-be as they go about their daily business--smoking weed, showering, chatting up the local baseball coach, making out etc...

All of the girls are attractive and several wear skimpy outfits, with buxom town tramp Ramona (Jennifer Chase) looking great in a bikini top and hot blonde Kathy (Andrea Savio) sporting short shorts. In a rare spot of gender-reversal, it is Coach Marshall (Martin Tucker) who takes the customary slasher shower, baring his butt, but he does manage to give randy Ramona a soaking in the process. The only other killing amidst all of this titillation is a girl shot with an arrow and suffocated with a plastic bag, a scene more notable for its silliness than scariness (instead of seeking help, the injured girl takes time-out on a merry-go-round).

As the film approaches its final act, sexy blonde Sandy (Jody Kay) goes skinny dipping (cue full frontal nudity) and winds up dead, and from this point Nelson ramps up the violence, eventually bumping off most of the characters in the space of a few minutes (including double decapitation and a girl torn in half). But while the sheer number of kills in a short space of time is admirable, the gore is extremely basic for the most part, and not very satisfying (the severed hands scene is hilarious). The best effect is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it bullet to the head (resulting in the face exploding) as the useless sheriff empties his handgun into the already dead killer (who had fallen out of a window while attacking good girl Lily, played by Playboy playmate Susan Kiger). Exactly what the psycho's motive was remains unclear: possibly something to do with being mentally scarred by his mother, who may have been a stripper. I really don't know. Or care.

There's a lot of charm in House of Death (or Death Screams depending on which version you watch). The film feels like a homespun passion project where all local community theatre performers and fame struck locals came out and had a good time trying to make a movie. Charm will only go so far and, while House of Death excels in creating a believable and quaint small town atmosphere, it fails at supplying any memorable chills. Some of the death scenes are inspired such as a moment where a young woman is attacked on a deserted merry go round or when another unfortunate soul is sliced in half after falling through a rotten staircase, but the killer's big reveal happens so quickly and is lit so dark that you'll have to rewind to figure out who they were.

This early 80's slasher effort should receive some kudos for being somewhat original. Unfortunately, it's not original in any way that makes it especially effective or good. The movie does a good job of establishing a bucolic small-town setting (perhaps, it's not a coincidence that the director is the grown-up David Nelson of "Ozzie and Harriet" fame). There is also a lot more character development than usual, but regrettably the characters are still the usual annoying teen stereotypes. The murders are few and far between until the very end when the bodies start to stack up in a hurry. They're pretty low-tech (they obviously couldn't afford Tom Savini), but they try to make up for by being bizarre. The first victims are strangled simultaneously somehow while having sex on a motorcycle. Their bodies are thrown in a river where, as a running joke, they are seen floating down at various points throughout the movie. Another victim wanders away from the town carnival and is struck by an arrow, but instead of screaming for help or anything, she staggers over to an abandoned carousel and sits down so the killer can (somehow) finish her off with a plastic bag.

The actors are all ridiculously over-aged considering they're supposedly high school students, but this is actually a good thing considering the male protagonist is a "coach" who apparently both parties with and dates his students (which they tend to frown on in real high schools). The goody-good female protagonist is played Susan Lynn Kiger, who had an interesting career going from hardcore porn to "Playboy" to more legitimate acting. While it is nice to see a young woman in Hollywood have the opposite of the usual career trajectory, Kiger's talents unfortunately were probably better suited to her earlier career choices. Kiger stays dressed, but there is some gratuitous nudity, of course, including the girl on the motorcycle, a girl who showers with her bra on (which quickly becomes so transparent you wonder why she bothered), and a pretty blonde girl who goes for a full-frontal skinny-dip (which ALMOST keeps you from contemplating the absurdity of why anyone would go skinny-dipping in a RIVER).

I don't want to imply this movie is in anyway good, but it sure is weird.

House of Death gets by with a lot of regional charm and a few decent death scenes. There's not much of a plot to speak of besides a bunch of people are terrorized by a serial killer in the south who's killing without much rhyme or reason.

Since this has never made it to DVD or Blu-Ray, it's fairly dark and hard to tell what's going on most of the time, but there are a few daytime death scenes, which is a rarity among horror films. None of the characters have a lot of meat on their bones, but the special effects work is solid.

It's just a shame that most of the death scenes take place within a 5 minute span towards the end of the movie. It deprives the film of a lot of potential suspense and makes sure that the film is a bit too front loaded with not much going on until the end.