Road House

It was the Summer of 1989. The biggest movies in Hollywood's arsenal, all in one fiery season: "Batman", "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade", "Ghostbusters II", "Lethal Weapon 2", "Star Trek V", "License to Kill" and .... "Road House"? You read that right.

Patrick Swayze stars as Dalton, the (second) best cooler in the business, who's charged with cleaning up The Double Deuce, the seediest honky-tonk bar in Jasper, MO. But things don't go so smoothly when Dalton crosses the town's self-appointed ruler, Brad Wesley (Ben Gazzara, better known as Evil Ben Gazzara). He's paid off the Sheriff, so Evil Ben Gazzara is pretty much the town's law and order. He's not pleased with the Double Deuce's burgeoning prosperity, so he makes things tricky for Dalton. But as we learned in "Dirty Dancing", nobody puts Dalton in the corner.

Fifteen minutes into the film, it becomes obvious (by just the dialogue) that this is a tongue-in-cheek enterprise. Any illusions that this will be a thought-provoking story about a philosophical bouncer in a rough town go right out the window (average viewer: "well, this oughta be a fun ride!"). Even Swayze (behind that cool stare) knows this movie is ridiculous - and that's exactly where the entertainment value kicks into high gear.

Consider what this film has going for it:

• Swayze at his sinewy, mulleted peak

• Bar fights

• Monster trucks

• A gaggle of shapely ladies

• Steamy farmhouse sex

• Sam Elliott

• Shootouts

• Sweaty martial arts

• Male bonding that borders on homoerotic

• Crackling dialogue ("Do you enjoy pain?" ... "Pain don't hurt")

• Stuffed polar bear attacks

The entertainment value of "Road House" is simply off the charts. Where else would you find a bouncer with an NYU degree (in philosophy!) and the brooding intensity to nail the town doctor (the smoldering Kelly Lynch) AND forcefully remove a man's throat from his neck? Nowhere, sir! It is escapist entertainment of the highest order, in all its gratuitous violence.

And let us not criticize the film's message. If you have feet and fists of fury, you CAN conquer a small town in Midwestern America. But simply putting a man through a table or a window is not enough. I would say maybe ten or fifteen should do it.

I do have one beef. For a movie to feature Keith David in the opening credits, and only give that man one speaking line is morally reprehensible. But there were boobies, so I think we can let this one slide.

7.5/10

This really is one of those guilty pleasures - a silly, inane movie, but possessed of so many elements for guys to enjoy, mainly regular bouts of ass-kicking, that a guy has to watch it about once a year to get his fix of adrenaline and a picture of how the world should work. The movie has its own rules and an internal structure mostly explained by the character of Dalton (Swayze), a supervisor of bouncers termed a Cooler. When certain entertainment establishments become too lowbrow and rowdy on a nightly basis, someone like Dalton is hired on to show all the patrons how to behave in a civilized manner. He has a degree in philosophy to help facilitate his instruction, plus some martial arts disciplines. In this world of bouncers, club owners, and alcohol dispensers, Dalton has a mighty rep - they've all heard of him, tho many thought he'd be bigger.

Also with an older rep is Wade Garrett (Elliott), an aged cooler who shows up halfway in to help his protégé kick some teeth in. It's amusing to watch the bouncers when introduced to Wade - they react like actors introduced to the Marlon Brando of the bouncer industry. The main villain is a local rich bigshot (Gazzara), usually wearing a self-satisfied evil grin and nice clothes, hiding a repugnant nature which treasures power & more power above all else. Well, actually, he doesn't hide it much as the pic progresses. This is where such villains make a foolish error: if he'd been just a little more laid-back and content with all the power he already had, things would've probably stayed the same for him. But he just can't resist having total absolute control over everything & everyone - a pure-bred fascist if ever there was - offending the zen-like sensibilities of the usually serene Dalton. Of course, having a couple of Dalton's friends killed didn't help towards a peaceful resolution.

The most entertaining portions of the pic are Dalton's methods in dealing with yahoo troublemakers; these dangerous dudes are reduced to clownish oafs by Dalton's effective tactics & knowhow. There's also a dark version of Dalton, Gazzara's main henchman, a martial arts master who seems a match for Dalton's prowess. There are frequent splashes of female nudity, including by Lynch as Dalton's new girlfriend (and doctor; Dalton isn't invulnerable - he needs a doctor about twice a week). You also seem to learn a lot about the art of being a bouncer, though some of this may be baloney. In many ways, this could be the perfect guy picture.

Released last month as a Deluxe Edition DVD, ROAD HOUSE is a film that is almost impossible to ignore. Whether considered good or bad, it is one of the few pictures that is easy to watch all the way through by almost any one who comes across it. It is a rare gem. The phrase "it's so bad that it's good" doesn't apply to ROAD HOUSE. It isn't so bad it's good, it's so bad it's great. It is the very definition of a guy movie. It contains brutal and bloody fist fights, frequent nudity, a rock n' roll sound track, some of the best cheesy dialogue ever written, fancy cars, gun-play, knives being thrown, and explosions. As a movie for guys, it's a 10, as a movie to be taken seriously, it's a 5. Every attempt at drama flounders, though it never completely ruins what is going on.

Although considered a box office failure when released in 1989, ROAD HOUSE quickly became a cult hit once it reached video. Finally giving in to the cult mania, MGM's new DVD version of ROAD HOUSE contains two commentaries: one from director Rowdy Herrington and one by filmmakers Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier who were called in to do the track after talking ROAD HOUSE on the tenth-anniversary DVD of CLERKS. Both commentaries are fun to listen to. Herrington's commentary is for those who want to know more about the flick and the Smith/Mosier commentary is for those that want a nice laugh at the expense of this cinematic marvel. Also included on the DVD is a look-back documentary and a short featurette on the direct-to-video sequel.

As an actual film: 5/10 As a campy guy film: 10/10

OK, this isn't Oscar material, it garnered six Razzie nominations instead. The acting leaves a lot to be desired, and the dialog is pure corn, but it fills the "guilty pleasure" category like a glove.

While others like Dirty Dancing, this movie will always define Patrick Swayze to me. In his memory, I will watch it over and over.

It will be the movie that reminds me of how attractive Kelly Lynch is.

It will remind me why I like Sam Elliott.

It will remind me why Ben Gazzara is perfect as Boss Hogg.

It's not art, it's pure entertainment, and why I will always remember Swayze.

Besides, it has one of the best soundtracks around.

Love it. No idea why but I keep coming back. Utter cheese but Swayze is awesome.