Necropolis

It's a bad day for movies at my place. First I have to stop watching "Funeral Home" due to boredom. Then I put in this movie. Good thing I had my horror magazines to read during the slow parts. One scene with 3 pairs of dripping breasts (on one witch) cannot carry a whole movie.

It begins in the 1600's, yet the witch is wearing 80's make-up and underwear. Also she is doing a none-too-cool 80's dance. I go to 80's dance clubs and have seen nothing so goofy looking as these ridiculous steps. Not as bad as "Ghoulies IV", but quite bad.

New Amsterdam, 1686: evil witch Eva (LeeAnne Baker) interrupts the marriage of Dawn (Jacquie Fitz) and William (Michael Conte), psychically summoning the virgin bride to a Satanic altar to be sacrificed in a ritual that would grant Eva eternal life. Dawn's throat is cut, but before the ceremony can be completed, Eva is killed by priest Henry (William K. Reed).

300 years later, and Eva, reincarnated as a peroxide-blonde punk biker chick with bad make-up, proceeds to suck the life energy from unfortunate New Yorkers to feed to her mouldy zombie acolytes (via her three sets of ectoplasm-oozing tits!); once fully revived, these manky minions seek out the reincarnation of Dawn, so that the witch can finish what she has started. Can Italian cop Billy and do-gooder Rev. James, the 20th century reincarnations of William and Henry, prevent her from succeeding?

Six breasts are better than two, as the old saying goes, but even with its triple-chested, zombie-suckling witch bitch, Necropolis proves to be a frustratingly dull slice of 80s schlock horror, with a dreadful script and uninspired direction from Bruce Hickey, and dire performances all round. There are, of course, a few giggles to be had from the sheer ineptitude of proceedings—Baker's embarrassingly bad impromptu interpretive dance routines are good for a laugh, as is the bloody decapitation of a zombie that continues to scream long after his noggin has gone—but when you're not sniggering, you'll probably be yawning.

3.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to four for IMDb.

Necropolis (1986) is a movie I recently watched on Tubi. The storyline follows a witch from the 1600s that has been resurrected into a present day tall, gorgeous, sensual blond. She lures people into dark dingy corners, sucks the lifeforce out of them 😉, allowing the souls of her cult members from the past to return in her victims bodies. Can anyone resist her temptations?

This movie is directed by Bruce Hickey (The Hot Mess) and stars LeeAnne Baker (Breeders), Michael Conte (Panama Red), Adriane Lee (Mutant Hunt), Nadine Hartstein (Robot Holocaust) and Christina Sisinni (Mutant Hunt).

The storyline for this had a lot of potential but unfortunately was executed poorly. I will say the opening dance sequence was solid and there was plenty of nudity throughout the film; but the acting was bad, the cinematography was mediocre, the script was terrible and the horror elements were lacking. There's really no gore in this. There were some fun cult meetings and elements.

Overall this film has little going for it and is only worth seeing for the main character. I would score this a 3.5/10 and recommend skipping it.

My review was written in May 1987 after a screening at Liberty theater on Manhattan's 42nd St.

"Necropolis" poses the thorny question: how does Empire pictures' brass decide which of their films will be released theatrically? This meager, N. Y.-lensed effort is far below the level of quality of several of Empire's recent direct-to-video releases, yet it popped up unannounced on 42nd Street on a triple bill to bore the pants off a horror-hungry audience. Home viewers at least will have a fast-forward option.

By an unfortunate application of the Peter Principle, erstwhile bit player LeeAnne Baker graduates to a leading role here, sashaying trashily through "Necropolis" as a 300-plus-year-old devil worshiper, preying upon New Yorkers to suck out their lifeforce. It seems, per a ludicrously cheap prolog set in New Amsterdam in 1686, that she was interrupted in a satanic ritual and must now complete it in order to obtain eternal lif for herself and a grisly bunch of ghouls. Most interesting gimmick is an Ed French makeup effect giving Baker three sets of breasts with which to sucklethe ghouls with the genre's requisite (ever since "Alien") daily requirement of KY jelly.

Al Pacino-lookalike Michael Conte unconvincingly plays the cop on the case, while British-accented Jacquie Fitz is a bland heroine and William K. Reed the neighborhood black reverend, ever ready with a set of wooden crosses to stake Baker and her ghouls.

Campiest material has b aker, looking hideous with short-cropped platinum blonde hairdo, eyelids covered in black, garbed in trashy black outfits emulating Vanity and Madonna, doing exotic dnces by herself without warning. Under Bruce Hickey's limp and static direction, even this isn't funny on a camp level.

A 300 year old motorcycle riding punk witch looks for a virgin sacrifice in order to keep her youth.

Tries for style but falls flat on its face with some of the most inept writing, direction, and acting ever. This movie is one painful experience to set through. And the ending leaves an open door for a sequel, but think goodness one hasn't been made!! My rating: 1 out of 10.

Rated R for Strong Violence, Nudity, Language, Mild Sexual Content, Adult Themes, and a woman with more then two breasts. 77 minutes. It seems more like 2 hours though.