Lady in Waiting

I hate the TV-stations in my country...they never stick to their schedule, for Christ's sake! Last friday, they announced to broadcast Jess Franco's Female Vampire (which is a Eurohorror/cult highlight) and we got this thing instead!?!

Lady in Waiting is pure routine from every viewpoint. The plot handles about a divorced police detective (who's also a drunkard) investigating a series of murders on prostitutes. Really, is this the synopsis of all erotic thrillers??? Beautiful girls are found strangled by a veil, and he suspects the new husband of his ex-wife...Afraid that he might lose his son he tries to warn bla bla bla...bla bla bla! Do you care? No, didn't think so. We all know these ultra-thin plots are just an excuse to show as much ravishing female flesh as humanly possible. Responsible for that is Shannon Whirry! I'm not familiar with her repertoire, but it seems very interesting, containing other promising titles like "Dangerous Prey" and "Animal Instincts" ...1 AND 2! Sure, she has an impressive (fake) body, but I didn't particularly think she was beautiful. There was another girl starring in this film who was a lot cuter and prettier...but the poor thing got slaughtered after 3 minutes of screentime. She stripped and then she died. To my surprise, Lady in Waiting (by the way...this film is also known under the imaginative title "Hollywood Madam") does star a couple of famous and interesting names. Robert Costanzo (you'll know him when you see him) as the plump 'n funny partner who naturally dies and none other than William Devane as the good-hearted lieutenant. Stupid and embarrassing movie that mock the viewer's intelligence level.

A film noir for the mid 90s, similar to other similar films of the 90s, but with very good acting by all who appear on the screen. Music is predictable but good, lighting is at points similar to 90s b-movies, and at times much better. It has plenty of nudity and sex, most of the times just to have them, but even then they are not in the FF button variety (boredom etc), not porn either. It is a story about a divorced cop that still loves his ex and is into what appears to be a maniac killer.

So, we have, a good story, good music, good acting, good directing and editing, beautiful women and a fun diversion for a lonely night you feel like watching a police story that reminds a bit of film noir of the past.

It is a good movie as long as you don't expect to see an AAA film.

The plot is confused, but from the first time you'll see Shannon Whirry, you won't be interested in the plot any more. The first time she appears is in a bar. One does not know why she is there, fallen from the sky like an angel. And now that she is sitting and waiting, her wings aren't important anymore, but take a look at her legs. In this movie, Shannon Whirry's character has an affair with a cop played by M. Nouri.You'll have to wait a little longer than in other films , firstly, to see her, and secondly to see her undressed. But it is worth waiting for such a lady. It is one of the movies wher Shannon Whirry looks best. If you are like me one of her fans, you'll surely like the movie. The confused plot will make her character even more mysterious. Until the end of the movie, you don't know her purposes, and it makes her more exciting because you don't know what she is to do next.If you don't know Shannon whirry, this movie will still be a good way to spend one hour and a half.

The movie opens with scenes of generic, surgically enhanced '90s babes having sex with what look like sleazy businessmen in suits. In one scene, a man strangles a woman to death at the moment of climax with a red scarf. He is blackmailed by his colleague who threatens to reveal his crime, that he was inexplicably able to get away with. Foolishly, he discusses it on the phone with his back to the door of his office, allowing his wife to come in and hear the tail end of his conversation.

The guy's wife is divorced or separated from some other guy, who has an unrealistic conversation with their son in the car. The kid seems too young to understand the nuance and irony he projects.

Apparently the dad lost his wife after dalliance with hookers. Was he one of the guys depicted in the movie's opening sex scenes?

We then see a woman stripping and being tied up while typical '90s softcore saxaphone music plays. She also gets killed by an unseen assailant. What's the bet that the killer is NOT the guy who killed the girl in the movie's opening?

A cop approaches the scene of the crime and we are treated to the view through HIS eyes - an unusually creative touch for a softcore b-flick.

The cop is the guy we just met, whose wife divorced him, and whose kid is unbelievably precocious. He has a partner who is a typical sidekick - short, fat, bald. His appearance contrasts with the main guy, flatteringly, as do his lack of manners.

Softcore siren Shannon Whirry, truth be told the only reason why I'm watching this movie, makes an appearance about ten minutes in. Our (anti?) hero sees her being mistreated by a typical leather-jacketed punk in a bar and steps in, fighting him off with suspicious ease.

This is where the movie gets weird. Whirry thanks the man and leaves, apparently thinking that that would be the end of their interaction, but in the next scene, they're both outside, admiring Whirry's car. Whirry signals to the man that they will have sex - what happened to her just leaving? - and the man kisses her up against the wall while typical softcore sex music plays. The scene changes almost imperceptibly to the inside of a car. How did they get there so fast?

Whirry changes her mind - again - when her right breast it out and our hero has his hand on her thigh. "Stop," she says, "I have to go."

Why did she initiate the encounter, then?

Our hero does stop, and goes and does some off-duty police work, speaking with a prostitute whose johns on the street she works could hardly pay for all the work she's had done.

Any guesses as to who will be the killer's next victim?

The hero and his sidekick visit a coroner who tells them that the murder victim just lay down and let herself be strangled. They then speak to a classy madam who tells them about the "Lady in Waiting" call girl service. This madam is played by Meg Foster (from "Lords of Salem" and "Leviathan") - she of the extraordinary pale blue eyes.

William Devane, the guy from "Rolling Thunder", whom I always thought of as Jack Nicholson without the charisma, makes an appearance as a police lieutenant.

The hero's comical sidekick calls him "goombah".

The hero has another conversation with his kid, where the kid again knows much more than he does. The cop now has dirt on the scumbag his ex-wife is married to, and he tries to warn her, but she predictably does not listen. We knew she wouldn't. Why didn't he?

"Lady in Waiting" isn't the only softcore flick I've seen in which the fisticuffs is really unconvincing. I wonder why that is. Did the budget that would normally go toward fight choreography instead go toward paying all the girls extra to get naked?

Whirry is shown naked from the waist up in a bathtub, and apparently starts masturbating, but of course the movie isn't really going to go there and cuts. Whirry's line readings are pretty on the nose. They remind me of those ads for phone sex lines that used to be shown on TV in the small hours back in the '90s.

Our hero finally has a scene with his ex's new beau, the hot shot, arrogant corporate type. You know, the one the movie is trying to hint is the killer, and by which is letting us know actually is not. He describes his step-son, the hero's biological son Nick, as "part of the package". What does the hero's ex see in this guy, anyway?

We then see a shadowy flashback of the hero with a woman clad in black lingerie, who puts a red scarf over his face.

The obnoxious corporate man assaults his new wife and is threatened by his stepson with a baseball bat.

Whirry finally gives a splendid full frontal nude scene - perhaps the movie's first instance of full frontal - at almost an hour in. Her body is a sight to behold.

Our hero observes her in the shower, you see. It is revealed that he is spying on her, though why, I'm not sure. He witnesses her being ravished by that long haired punk he beat up.

The corporate guy turns up dead with a bullet in his head. This is shown like he didn't matter to the movie at all; at first I didn't realise it was him.

Someone else turns up dead, this time run off the road into an embankment so their car explodes. It must have been filled with nitroglycerine to explode just from that.

The coroner says that it was a sports car that ran the car off the road. How could he know that?

Then there are revelations at the end of the movie that make absolutely no sense and are very anti-climactic. And I was enjoying it, too.

Um. I don't get it. I have an idea who the killer might have been - though it's impossible to believe it really might have been them. The 'revelation' comes with the force of a wet fart.

This film opens, kind of stylishly, with a very sleazy type setting, this orgy between some high class call girls and business execs, bordering on R territory. It's kind of weird, as matched against what follows, where hottie, Whirry provides the rest of the nudity and little sex in this very t.v. sex crime drama, about a divorced cop, Nouri, just one of the talents, wasted in this unexceptional limited thriller/drama, who's investigating a few call girl deaths, involving rough play, where they've been strangled. Nouri also has a weakness for, sex with call girls, where the latest is Whirry. His ex is going out with a mafia related lawyer who accidentally kills a call girl at the start, where, he's now being blackmailed. Could he of killed the others? And later he ends up dead? Well, that one, blows that possibility out of the window. Now who could of done it, and another call girl is murdered. Now, don't strain your noggen to who this might be. There are no surprises in this movie. You know pretty much, what's gonna happen all the way through. There are some laughable acting moments too. Meg Foster, as a contact of a Madam, plays a real weirdo, while Devane, as the police Lieutenant, looks the most, unhappy, about acting in this movie. The opening credits come on, as though you're watching a weekly t.v. cop show. Favor one shot where Nouri and his good friend partner return from their first meeting with Foster. VERY CLOSE IN FRONT OF CAR SHOT, where the car nearly occupies the whole of screen. Why? To be cool and original. Take HM, for what's it's worth, a b average cop and limited thriller. Though limited, sums up about everything in the film. It's assets, some sleazy sex, nudity, likable actors, and WHIRRY. AKA. Hollywood Madam, but we know the real answer to that one, don't we.