Termination Man

Oh boy. This movie is pretty awesome -- as far as unintentionally hilarious B-movies go. Steve Railsback, veteran B-movie actor, dials in his best (read: worst) performance to date.

So, Mr. Railsback plays the character of Dylan Pope -- a decrepit secret agent who has been "enhanced" by the wonders of Modern Technology. Our decrepit super agent can toss around terrorists like they were rag-dolls, he can run 10 miles in as many minutes, and, best of all, he can make passionate love to any woman unlucky enough to be partnered with him.

Bad movie highlights: Even though Dylan Pope has been enhanced with super human powers, he spends a lot of time whining about how tired he is, and what a nuisance it is to walk around. Seriously, this guy can run 10 miles in 10 minutes, and he complains about how tired he is from walking? Priceless.

Even though Dylan Pope is constantly hounded by terrorists, and other malcontents, he always has a poo-eating grin/smirk adorning his face. I honestly don't know what Railsback was thinking concerning his portrayal of this character. He's surrounded, and being shot at by terrorists, and he has this look of, "Golly this is fun stuff!" What!?

Other sweet moments: the number of scenes contrived to get Delilah Shane (played by Athena Massey) topless. The script introduced, IIRC, at least 3 moments in which Delilah would have to change clothes. Our favorite was when the terrorist leader throws a party that featured, among other things, full Victorian regalia. He's a terrorist, living in the Balkans (?), and he feels the urge to throw period piece fete for no reason whatsoever? Again, the whole situation was concocted to get Delilah topless.

And, of course, let's not forget the obligatory sex scene between Pope and Delilah. Imagine if you will: a moonlight meadow, next to an idyllic stream. A thin mist floats in the background, as 52 year old Railsback ponderously lies atop Massey -- their bodies writhing in a vaguely sexual manner. How erotic!

Then there's the showdown between the nefarious terrorists and Dylan Pope. Guess who wins?

Bad Movie Score: 7/10 Good Movie Score: 4/10

This film is extremely poor in every manner, the special effects were probably done on an atari, e.g. laser scenes and miniature bombs, the acting is abysmal, an in my mind there wss no need for gratuitous sex scene half way through, i mean would u like to see a pizza face 50 year old man having sex with a woman half his age (who repaetedly changes her clothes in the back of a van without a van). it appears that the 50 year old star's grandad acted out the fight scenes due to the slow pace and all round crapness of it.

'Hello Steve, it's Larry.' 'Larry who?' 'Larry. Your agent!' 'Oh, sorry. Hadn't heard from you in a while.' 'Well, have you thought about the two offers I mentioned?' 'Uhhhh. Would you refresh my memory.?' 'Well, there's the Troma version of 9-11, 'Alladin and the Forty Mullahs'. You'd play.......' 'Forget it Larry. What was the other one again?' 'Its working title is 'Serbian Avenger' and you play the lead. A kind of super 007 but it has contemporary political significance. I know how important that is to you. It's a Corman-Woods-Slavicfilms production so it'll be shot in Bosnia.' 'Oh yeah, I remember now. I asked you to get me more money. Were you able to?' 'Yes. I've got you up to $500 a week. No medical coverage but there'll be a retired Bosnian War medic on the set except on Sunday.' 'Sunday! We're going to shoot on Sundays?' 'Well, to get you $500 I had to make a few concessions.' 'Yeah, like what else?' 'Uhhh, it's a seven day shooting schedule. But the picture is only a ten day shoot. A 16-hour flat. (Pause) You'll no longer have your own tent. Will have to share it with the sound mixer and his boom man. But I made the line producer swear that the guys will not be eating garlic' 'I guess I can live with that.' 'And you'll have to take a freighter from New York to Dubrovnik. But they'll send a taxi to pick you up there.' (Silence on the phone.) 'Look. It's going to be a first class production. The director got a Goovna Award last year for 'Kielbasy, Me and Dravnik' from the jury at the Second Annual Grzonik Film Festival'. 'Who else is in it. Is there a broad?' 'Best news for last! It's Athena Massey!' 'Athena Who?' 'Athena Massey! Athena continues to show her range and versatility as an actress with her two most recent films, 'Groin's Portal' and 'The Labial Monologue.' You'll love working with her. And they already told me they've reserved a fog machine for the tasteful and romantic dusk lovemaking scene they've planned along the beautiful Slobodan Creek .' 'Larry, does she, uhh, is she.....' "Steve, I knew you'd ask that. I made some inquiries and I've got it on good authority that she's got a set of tits on her that won't stop!' 'Well, o.k. I'll do it then.' 'Great. I'll get them to prepare a deal memo as soon as I get off the phone.' ' Great, see you soon.' 'See you.'

This film has possibly got the worst special effects i have ever seen. The laser scenes are the funniest, also watch as THE TERMINATION MAN throws the worlds tiniest bomb which is also completely invisible. The story is about a super human 50 year old who can run miles in seconds but has no other decent powers and his fight against 'russian terrorists'.

The final fight scene which comprising the worst fight choreography ever seen in a crappy straight to video film is also a highpoint of this brilliant movie.

This is a film which makes blair witch's budget seem massive and is the well deserved worst film of all time

...but what sweet Termination it is.

Movie consists only of our protagonists running from something or towards something or someone. And a few silicon shots.

This waste belongs up there with such classics as "Manos:Hands of fate", "Alien vs. Ninja", "The Room" and the rest of otherworldly excrement's ever to grace our blissful third eye.

Although it is so funny that can be watched "on normal terms", I wholeheartedly recommend to alter your perception to fully appreciate the absurdity of actions of everyone who was involved in this Holy Grail of a movie.

Oh boy..enjoy!!!