Le Bateau des ténèbres

well, rent this film only after you've seen every other horror film in your video store. even then, consider expanding your tastes to as many other genres as you can before returning to lost voyage. still tempted? how about picking up a nice book, or going out with your friends, or perhaps simply hammering your genitals to a board with an old nail?

why do i do this to myself? why did i think that anything good could come out of a made-for-the-tube film about a ghost ship starring judd "washed-up-since-1985" nelson? you know why? session 9. i blame session 9. every now and then, after sifting through the ever-thinning ranks of my olde video store i decide to rent a movie that screams "complete loser" in hopes that it turns out to be somewhere between "mildly loserish" and "ok". and sometimes, just sometimes, one of these low expectation picks turns out to be a bit of a winner, like session 9. well, the makers of this film (and my video store) can thank david caruso's scrawny white ass, because session 9 restored my faith that not all obscure low-budget horror films are stupid and brainless despite all the alarm bells that sound when you read the box.

unfortunately lost voyage IS stupid and brainless, a cheeseball excuse for a bunch of roughly sketched characters to run around the corridors of a ship accompanied by a relentless horror movie soundtrack. sure, it's got its jump-out-at-ya moments, but so does my fridge after i forget about a half-eaten ham-n-cheese sandwich that's been sitting in the back for a week or three.

it's just that the plot is so lazy. there is so much that could have been done with the bermuda triangle yet they way lamed out. um, so, mr. writer-directory-guy, what's your theory on the triangle? "well, it's a gateway to HELL!" so, where have all the people on the ship gone... "well, they've been sucked into HELL"! so, um, why has the ship reappeared? "well, there was this storm, just like when it disappeared, so it came back... back from HELL"! alright, but why is the ship trying to off all these weak-ass characters now it's returned? "well, it's collected all this evil energy because, well because, well, of course it wants to off everybody it's been in HELL"!

damn i wish i could get a few paycheques for coming up with brilliant plotting like that.

ok, vented enough. goodnight.

Under the guise of the Bermuda triangle, this film seems just like Event Horizon. Without the Sam Neill factor of course. Some interest in generated in who will survive, or will anyone survive. But a vague interest it was for me.

Some people will love this for the supernatural aspects, others will be annoyed and cast it aside as stupid.

The film ends up being rather basic. No emotion is generated, and the characters do not interact in an interesting fashion.

So we are left with a rather disappointing film which could have delivered more, maybe going all out scary action thriller, making a good film (now that special effects are good even with low budgets).

It's another ghost ship, a la Mary Celeste type mystery. The Corona Queen turns up after disappearing 30 years earlier. Quickly, a bunch of people that can't wait to get killed by ghosts form a rag-tag "research" group and sneak aboard to film the vessel and its secrets (they're not supposed to be there of course-big surprise).

One (Judd Nelson) is the son of of two passengers who vanished along with the ship; he's now an expert on Bermuda Triangle phenomena. There's a TV filming crew of 3, and a ship salvage team of 3, led by a guy who talks slow and creepily (Lance Henrikson). It's obvious who's gonna get it, and in which order. The movie does find some Twilight Zone type twists as the story progresses (like inner past guilt haunting the person), so the deaths are predicated on something, at least. (Somewhat better than one of those movies where victims scream "Oh my Gawd!" as they take turns getting axed.)

Nelson and Henrikson aren't bad, but neither is at his best here. Nelson's always bulging his eyes out; it almost looks like they'll burst out of his head at any moment (he could also use a better hair cut). The balance of the group are all unknowns who make good targets for the paranormal entities. The spooks are designed pretty well, and the movie wisely doesn't show them until the time is right.

Routine stuff, but delivered reasonably well.

I wish someone would make a Bermuda triangle movie that gave an explanation of the phenomenon. It doesn't have to be true - just make sense. This silly show doesn't even try. A ship lost 25 years ago in the BT comes back and a group of people take a chopper out to the ship to investigate. Then all sorts of strange things happen but none of it makes any sense. I busted out laughing when one of the women is standing on the deck when, for no reason whatsoever, the floor gives way and she falls thru to the next level and meets her long dead mother!!!

Janet Gunn and Scarlett Chorvat are the best part of this flik. Two really cute babes. Judd Nelson has a big part and wins the young Rob Reiner look-alike award.

If you don't go into it with overly high expectations, nor expect there to be a particularly rigorous logic to what unfolds, this reasonably entertaining five or six star flick is worth a look, especially for fans of the Bermuda Triangle sub-genre of supernatural thrillers.