U.S. Seals II

Did any of you guys get a feeling like this movie was made by the people that made Power Rangers? I mean the style is very similar except for the more intense violence. Hell I bet one of the actors was probably from the Power Rangers show.

When I decided to see this movie, I was under the impression that it was an action movie. After about 5 minutes I was convinced that this had to be a comedy. Stupid one-liners like "We're warriors, we can't be held to the normal standard", or "No regret, only honor" made me certain that it was. I could not believe that anyone would make a movie like this, without it being a comedy. I first thought it was a good comedy, very subtle and not too slapstick.

Then it started dawning on me. It wasn't actually funny, just stupid. I checked back to imdb.com to see, and it being listed as an action movie, and not a comedy, was probably the funniest thing about it.

From the ludicrous (Adj. "Laughable or hilarious because of obvious absurdity or incongruity.") camera-angles to the boring and unoriginal plot, over to the choreography that has to had been done by a couple of monkeys, this movie was sheer torture to watch, and I feel that my time on this earth is valuable, and not worth wasting on filth like this.

It is a waste of time and money, unless you feel like watching a good example of how NOT to make a movie.

After watching movies like Hard Boiled, The Killer, Saving Private Ryan, and the mini-series called Band of Brothers, you would think that the standards of action-scenes had been raised, above this stereotypical nonsense which is closer to the early 80s low-budget era.

Finally, I just have to mention this; what was with all those swoosh-sounds? A guy raises an arm and you hear a swoosh-sound, like a big log has been swung past your ear. What the heck?! Same thing when a guy gets into a car, or someone turns around. Stupid stupid stupid.

I could probably point out dozens of examples of how this movie is both unbelievably unrealistic and stupid, but quite frankly, I think I've wasted enough time on this crap.

Ok lets start with the obvious, this movie is bad. Awful script, awful acting, unbelievably atrocious dialogue, budget the size of a car insurance advert and you could go on and on about how awful the film is.... but you would be wrong.

Just like a nugget of gold wrapped in layers and layers .... and layers of mud, get beneath the surface (really far beneath the surface)there is treasure to be found.

Lets start with the premise which is just an excellent excuse for some martial arts action. Ok ridiculously insane and evil bad guy has nukes and where is he launching them from? an island where the nuclear fallout of a past conflict would make a single gunshot ignite the whole island. (I am sure there is a reason why launching the nukes won't but I can't remember). So good guy puts together a crack squad of martial arts experts with dodgy pasts and different weapon specialities and prepares to kick ass. The film quickly reaches high octane stupidness, with hundreds of people battling it out in surprisingly well choreographed fight scenes.

The complete over the topness of the film gives it an infectious fun feel, a film which is the equivalent to a whole day spent in the pub with your best mates. This film is incredibly funny. Regardless of action taken a huge swishing noise accompanies it. I need to adjust my glasses (swish), I am going stand up (swish swish), I am walking (swish swish swish swish). The dialogue is hilarious and the fight scenes are sometimes outrageously funny, especially the closing fight scenes which are over the top brilliance. Sure its all unintentional funniness but its still funny.

Yes over the top martial arts violence, strippers and swearing. This is an excellent example of must watch with beer and mates category of action films.

In short its not big, its certainly not clever, in fact its not even any good. It deserves 2 or 3 it gets hmm 7.

US Seals II stars Michael Worth as as a commando who uses his martial arts skills to take on a former marine/martial arts expert(Chapa) who has taken a scientist hostage (Notice how the scientist is a sexy chick who looks more like a kindergarten teacher than a scientist, with big boobs, no less) so that she can help him turn a missile nuclear however the catch is that there is so much flammable air that one cannot light a cigarette let alone fire a gun (Or for that matter a nuclear missile) so Worth gathers a gang of martial artists as well as Marhall Teague (The film's best character) who is armed with acid paintball guns (Thinking about this movie logically will get you nowhere) and to which the seals take on the terrorists with martial arts battles. I actually probably wouldn't have reviewed this had I not clicked on "Michael Worth" and had seen that he was in this, which I had subsequently caught on HBO (Or Showtime, or something...) I remember enjoying the action sequences as well as the stupidity here. Indeed U.S Seals II is so silly it makes Issac Florentine's other efforts i've seen (Desert Kickboxer, Cold Harvest and Bridge Of Dragons) seem like works of supreme intelligence. The movie is full of plot holes, it is reported that you can't shoot guns but this doesn't stop our villain from smoking or launching a nuke. Worst of all is when the film tries to concern itself with characters, who don't register anything towards reality. (Teague's character aside) still it has lots of action and it has tons of carnage, so in other words this is perfect for the action fan looking for a guilty pleasure but little else. I haven't seen any of the other U.S Seals movies but despite enjoying this goofy entry, I still doubt i'll be seeking these out.

* * out of 4-(Fair)

This movie is no where near as terrible as everyone else makes it out to be.

The dialogue is indeed terrible, as are many of the lines. The plot is somewhat silly, and the acting ranges from mediocre to corny. All this and more make this a movie worth watching.

The opening scene is an absurdly funny gun fight (whether or not it was meant to be) including a guy pulling a bazooka out of no where to kill someone for a 3rd time. Also present in this scene are needless backflips, and the overused wooshing noise that gives this movie character.

The whoosing noise was most definetly added in in jest; no director would ever think it serious to have a woosh when someone nods their head, and the overuse of this is hillarious.

Most of the movie takes place on an island where one spark would cause a giant explosion, so they fight with swords and the like. Yes, the swords would create sparks that would cause an explosion, but they had to set it up somehow so that the melee scenes could make sense.

And the fighting is some of the best seen in a while, with weapons ranging from chains, an acidic paintball gun, and a scarf. How many movies do you see where someone actually gets beaten up with a scarf that goes "woosh?"

Not a film for those who like to think deeply into everything they see, US Seals II is nothing more than a Western Hong Kong film, whose plot mostly serves no more purpose than to provide a catalyst to bring on the amazing fight scenes.

And as every single other review points out, the main bad guy did indeed have a cigar in his mouth while in an island that any spark would blow everything up. What every other review does not point out is the fact that the cigar is not lit.